King Solomon's river spanning construct that often collapses...

Now, I'm all for punishing the promiscuous thieving chavscum on the Utterly Vyle show, but surely anal infiltration is somewhat harsh!

Clearly, dealing with today's Crackhead got Jeremiah all excited. "Crack" and "Head" signalling to Mister Vyle the promise of helmet into labourer's cleft bumfunnery. Live on air!

Poor dear little white haired kindly old grandmother and loveable wrinkly eyed grey haired ancient grandfather were somewhat upset at their cheeky scamp of a grandyobbo, and needed to do those all important lie detector results to see if he was on the rob of their pensions. And Jez, being the affable host that he is, promised the wayward youth that if the results proved him to be a liar, he was in for a "heavy roasting".

There was me thinking that The Vylester and his Therapist Graham were there to help people, not indulge in "Burning The Candle At Both Ends" like some footballers hotel hooker scandal. Then again, Graham is a Therapist, which (if you add a space after the 3rd letter) is basically a thinly disguised way of saying he's "The rapist". rear entry forced entry and cock blocking of the oesophegus.

OK, furrymuff if the detrius of social scorn is some Chavette Hottie (say, Jaqui McQueen off Hollyoaks), but threatening some multi-ASBO award winner with penile intrusion where only space monsters tend to probe whilst choking on Graham's love is just one step too far.

Unfortunately for the Docherty Wannnabe, his results showed somewhat less that truthful fibbery to be the order of the day, so backstage bummery rapeage is all the rage!

But not against any machines, unless Jezza & Graham are automatons... sexual cyborgs well versed in the art of London Bridging vulnerable street urchins who fail the ever-accurate Polly Graff (Sister of Steffie, and who better to judge untruths than sapphic sisters of vagitarian tennis players?)

Expect to see "I was tag-teamed by Jeremy and Graham - now I don't know who the father is*!" coming up in a few months.

* AND BEING SEXUAL CYBORGS, THEY CAN IMPLANT THEIR TERMINATORY OFFSPRING INTO MALES, LIKE THEY DID IN TERMINATOR 2.1 (AKA "JUNIOR"), WHERE THE CYBERDYNE SYSTEMS MODEL 101 WAS IMPREGNATED.

"I'LL BE BACK... IN NINE MONTHS!"
    

Yippee Kai Ay Mo'Fo

People keep tellimg me to buy Rage Against The Machine to stop Cow Hell reaching number one. Well...

Feck you, I won't do wot u tell me!
Feck you, I won't do wot u tell me!
Feck you, I won't do wot u tell me!
Feck you, I won't do wot u tell me!
Feck you, I won't do wot u tell me!
Feck you, I won't do wot u tell me!
Kimo Sabe*

I'm buying Queen instead!

*WOTCHOO TALKIN' 'BOUT BRUCE WILLIS" EDIT

Lot's of space in this Mall...

Christmas Time

Cameltoe and wine

Chavscum snorting crack cocaine lines

Their shoplifted presents

Lie under the tree

A time to rejoice

With the goods that they've thieved

Ah, Xmas shoppers, with their Common-As-Muck sense!

Honestly, how many Door Gormsters are there in Norwich? Chapelfield Mall, St Stephens entrance. 2 automatic Doors, and three double doors that Swing Both Ways. How hard can it be to enter and exit such hinge based barrier systems?

For some, most difficult indeed!

The problem appears to be that swing doors swing shut, and this confuses your average "I've Got The X-FuckedOff Get Me In The Pig Botherer House (with those all-important DNA detector results)" viewer, and they turn into shuffling George A. Romero type Zombies.

Without the cranial content consumption, said store of knowledge having fled in terror at the prospect of points of ingress and egress.

But I digress.

If these Portal Poltroons are lucky, a passing Polite Person Of Intelligence may have gone though one of the doors and held it open for them. This creates the Dawn Of The (brain)Dead. Faced with several unopened doors, and one open one, the zombified shoppers shamble towards the one open door. As everyone can't get through at once, they mill about, awaing their turn, blocking the available doors.

Suddenly, another clever person might pop by, and automatically stride up to an open door, and brazenly walk through! As the door pushes back the groaning, almost motionless cretins, they gaze in anger at He Who Dared To Open Another Door into their midst! Then, a glimmer of understanding slowly dawns in their dead eyes... Door... Not.. Shut.. Yet... Can.. Get.. Through...

Despite seeing a human opening a door, their lack of GCSEs does not allow them to fathom that they too could open other doors. Instead, they split into two hordes of doorblockers.

God knows what would happen if a group of them had arrived, and no door was open! 
Actually, what happens then is that they stop in the middle of the corridor, dive into their bags, and randomly pull out purchases to peruse, or check their mowbli, or double back to the escalator to see if the doors are open upstairs.  Aw, the relief on their little faces when they see someone has opened a door they can scamper through!

Bless!