So, in an effort to get Apple Maps working more popular than Google Maps, the spectre of Steve Jobs has been integrating some supernatural spirit photography into the app.
For those of a cryptozoological bent, they've spent hours scouring satellite imagery of Lake Champlain for evidence of Ogopogo, the Congo for Umbongo Mokele Mbembe, And Urquhart Castle for the Loch Ness Camel.
And lo, Nessie hunters discovered Nessie caught on Apple's Satellite cameras! Lookit!
Hold up, that's no pleasureyourselfisaurus! That looks like a great big fuck off trilobite!
"No, Xym, that's clearly a boat, with a bow wave at the front, and rippling out waves as it passes through the water!"
Yeah, right. Show me the boat then! That's one big bug! A trilobite shaped...
...whoa! I was ogling up that there Æryn Sun, I mean, watching Farscape the other night (as PickTV are showing it from the beginning), and that shape looks suspiciously like Moya...
And in Episode 2, there was a Peacekeeper beacon hidden aboard, so they had to dive into a swamp to muffle the signal...
Life imitating art? Has a sentient craft crashed into Loch Ness? Is Rygel stuffing his face full of battered mars bars and deep fried haggis?
Mind you, you wouldn't recognize Zhaan, as all Scotchwomen are blue with the cold. And D'Argo is just like every other fighty scotchman on a night out. Just a shame Æryn & Chiana aren't typical northern slagbags of the Shaz & Tray variety :(.
Anyhoo, fictitional ship from a Sci-Fi series, or a 1950s gigantisized by radiation reptile hell bent on world domination? You decide!
(I has - forget Godzilla! I want to see Trilobite 3D - the destruction of the Scottish Highlands by a thousand foot arthropod. Oooh, and Fish Out Of Marillion can be the plucky hero of the hour! Who wouldn't want to see that! All set to the soundtrack to Script For A Jester's Tear... with a thrilling re-enactment of their classic track Grendel played out to the titanic fight between Fish and Shellfish!)
...just something to remind me what to spend my many millions upon.
Cast your critical eye of this photograhical wonderment:
A fine holiday snap, you may say.
But how fine?
A fine of £2,7000,000.
Yep - that very photo (snapped by Andreas Gursky on his holiday to Great Y'ha-Nthlei to pick up cyclopean sex toys from Dagon's Dildos adult stall on the left hand side of Martyn's Wankaround Store on Regents Road) just sold to one of them cash strapped "we're all in it together" austerity fleeced bods for 2.7million squids!
Just what makes that shot worth 2.7m? There's certainly no pretties in trouser arousing attire, alien big cats, space monster driven dirigibles or sea serpents in it to make it rare and unique!
Hold on - perhaps that's it! It's Loch Ness, and definitive proof of the existence of batrachian behemoths who've been munching on the scottich fisherfolk! Cheap at twice the Price!
But not Katie Price. Cheap AS Katie Price perhaps. But do I price the Price at £2.7m? Well, the Price Is Right, so I guess we should ask her. But she's as thick as pigshit, so it's probably not worth the bother. Loch Ness Camel? Lot less cameltoe, preferably!
Naturally, Nessie isn't actually in the shot - but isn't that always the way? By the time you get to press the shutter, the saurian deep dino-diver of the deep has dived below, leaving naught but a streamlined stream bereft of humps.
Still, it's not Andreas's fault¹ that the bashful Pleasure-You-Saw-Us is camera shy. At the very least, it stands as a historical monument to the moment a momemtous moment a monster was missed because Andreas didn't whip it out in time.
Same goes for his camera.
¹ NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH SAN ANDREAS FAULT, THE TECTONIC ACTION OF WHICH CAUSED THE GREAT 1906 SAN FRANCISO EARTHQUAKE THAT RELEASED BOTH GODZILLA AND THE LOCH NESS CAMEL FROM THEIR SUBAQUARIAN SLUMBERS. ONE TO WREAK HAVOC UPON TOKYO, AND ONE TO MILDY PEEP OUT THE WATER AT KILT CLAD DRINKERS OF GLENMORANGIE AND PUT THE WIND UP THEIR SPORRAN.
