♪ "...With her spatula
In case the spitting sausages
Fall out the pan and on the floor
Alice serves up sausages
She cooks them in her frying pan
She serves them with some eggs and bacon
Cure her pounding hangover
Today..." ♫
Right, ranty times once more!
Wall's make sausages and ice-cream. Funny Feet, Sparkles, Cider Lollies, Feast and succulent sausages. They are NOT, I repeat, NOT manufactures of fashion disasters.
Like the onesie. Unless you're about 3yrs old, you shouldn't be poncing about Primarché in a romper suit.
But that is not my main issue today. Oh dear me, no.
It's the advert and the following competition.
It's not just the dumbed-down-for-fucktards mode of speech by the twatarse with the irritating voice: "Introducing the wall'sie, onesies you can wear down the shopsies" (which makes one want to punch the odious narrator right in the tits), but then goes on to claim: "One for the Goths - cheer up mate!"
Now, here is a pictorial representation of the aforementioned "Goth", and a prize of the so-called "Goth Onesie":
Where's the Goth demonstrating the gothic onesie prize?
Nowhere to be seen!
What we do have is a bloody chavvy EMO in a Heavy/Death Metal onesie, embarrassing the Goth scene with their miserable mopings!
This is like saying "Win a Hip-Hop Hoodie" and having a Onesie decorated with images of One Direction worn by a 12yr old girl.
Wall's should stick to dogs in their adverts. Dogs that talk about sausages humourously, rather than delving into the world of fashion and getting their musical genre's all incorrect.
In fact, I do believe that Hate Crime was expanded to include us Goths - surely telling us to "cheer up" is abuse! Just because Wall's are incompetent at distinguishing Goths from morose muppety EMOS, it shouldn't mean we should be tarred with the same brush!
Sue Wall's, says I, and feed me compensation in the form a lifetime's supply of fried sausages for tea!
I am, however, intrigued by the blurred out onesies in the background. If misrepresenting Goths wasn't bad enough, it appears that the other 4 options are Stephanie Off Of Lazytown Onesie, Sad Golfer Onesie, Bearded Tranny In Tights And Padded Bra Onesie, and some form of Yellow Caped Crusader Crossly Crossing Arms Onesie.
Well, now I'm not sure which I'm more enraged about! Melancholic EMO miseries masquerading as Goffs, or the fact that the Stephanie Off Of Lazytown Onesie does have the pink hair alongside Rotten Robbie the golfer...
...I think that Batbloke's yellow cape has a blue collor may edge it in the annoyance stakes, as it's too much We wanted Batman & Bananaman, but can't afford the rights, so combined the two to make Batanaman, which has no rights attached. probably.
I don't have a problem with the bearded tranny one though - it is, after all, quite accurate and would blend in quite well in the City Centre.
But claiming that outfit is a "goth" onesie... well, that grim, ungainly, ghastly, gaunt and ominous EMO of yore was ne'er a goth. Nevermind nevermore...
Bloody EMOs, coming over here, stealing our genre title, supplanting our music with their metallic noise, imposing their foreign rituals of self harm and taking over the space outside The Forum, bringing the atmosphere down with their sullen silence in solitary isolation in their groups, being all youthful and have never even heard any actual Goth music.
Goth onesie my best hat.
