Remind me again why I bother...
Oh yes, because I am an awesome, caring, chivalrous top bloke...
For last night's escapades involved shouting women hoping to cop off with Teh Xym,
Not doing herself any favours though.
But whilst endearing herself to me by screeching all harpy-like at her mother, she passed out whilst sat on the table.
Toppled to the floor.
And smacked her bonce on the concrete.
But we step in to help...
...but helping two tonne Tessie to get all upright is not an easy task. Especially when one finds oneself somehow trapped in a corner compressed by comatose women.
Even worse when it briefly comes to, trying to punch everyone's lights out in a flurry of fists, before squishing me once more, and forcing my supportive embrace into inappropriate areas!
Do I:
a) Let her slide down until it appears I'm massaging her mammaries; or
b) Let her fall to the floor before accidental palm fillage with dirtypillow.
Ah,
c) Lay it on the floor before iminent boob contact, sexual harassment charge or tongue chokage (NOT MINE, I MIGHT ADD!), and let them there bouncers deal with it!
Showing posts with label Chivalry. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Chivalry. Show all posts
Sunday, 21 September 2014
Sunday, 29 July 2012
Calling, Xymternational rescue (II)...
Hurrah for The Xym!
Once more, everyone's favourite Chivalrous Knight In Shining Armour stepped in to deal with ye treacherous knave who wouldst take wanton advantage of Princesses unable to fend of their over-amorous intentions!
For as we stand in The WhatACunt, some glassy-eyed outlaw did lay his hands upon My Princess, and from all appearances was trying to Force His Intent upon her person!
After stepping in to check whether mine Maiden was in distress, my fellow Knight, Sir John led her aside, whilst the do-er of ill-doings staggered about, stamping on other Pretties appendages and lumbering forth as if to press his suit further!
But, then arose Sir Xym, who valiantly vanquished the vicious varmint by verbose voice, engaging the drugged up dullard in disparaging discourse to advise the uncouth rapscallion to make himself scarce.
And being a being a peaceful Knight of gentlemanly conduct, The Commanding Voice Of Sir Xym alone was sufficient (with limited directional pointage) to hasten the Squire Of Ill-Repute on his way. And thusly, the craven dog was sent, suitably chastened, cowering into the night, probably not having learned much from his gentle instruction.
And neither doth The Xym learn either!
For far from setting his fair maiden's heart to pounding with newly wakened desire for The Defender Of Her Honour, one suspects one has blotted his copybook by appearing to be a violent ruffian of the highest order!
But Ye Xym maketh no apologies for his honourable conduct. Mess with My Lady, My Pretties or mine stalwart companions, and I shalt remonstrate with thee. One will restrain from fisticuffs unless forced to engage in Battle, and thou shalt have to assault mine person first.
Or thieve my hat.
For I am The Xym. I care not for thine good opinion. As long as I know I have acted honorably, the opinions of others trouble me not. Thou it may rend mine heart that my standing may be diminished in Pretties eyes, I am THE Xym, and I am marvellous beyond words.
And you L♥VE me!
Coz I am fucking EPIC, I am! Stuff that Money Supermarket - it ain't as EPIC as me!
Once more, everyone's favourite Chivalrous Knight In Shining Armour stepped in to deal with ye treacherous knave who wouldst take wanton advantage of Princesses unable to fend of their over-amorous intentions!
For as we stand in The WhatACunt, some glassy-eyed outlaw did lay his hands upon My Princess, and from all appearances was trying to Force His Intent upon her person!
After stepping in to check whether mine Maiden was in distress, my fellow Knight, Sir John led her aside, whilst the do-er of ill-doings staggered about, stamping on other Pretties appendages and lumbering forth as if to press his suit further!
But, then arose Sir Xym, who valiantly vanquished the vicious varmint by verbose voice, engaging the drugged up dullard in disparaging discourse to advise the uncouth rapscallion to make himself scarce.
And being a being a peaceful Knight of gentlemanly conduct, The Commanding Voice Of Sir Xym alone was sufficient (with limited directional pointage) to hasten the Squire Of Ill-Repute on his way. And thusly, the craven dog was sent, suitably chastened, cowering into the night, probably not having learned much from his gentle instruction.
And neither doth The Xym learn either!
For far from setting his fair maiden's heart to pounding with newly wakened desire for The Defender Of Her Honour, one suspects one has blotted his copybook by appearing to be a violent ruffian of the highest order!
But Ye Xym maketh no apologies for his honourable conduct. Mess with My Lady, My Pretties or mine stalwart companions, and I shalt remonstrate with thee. One will restrain from fisticuffs unless forced to engage in Battle, and thou shalt have to assault mine person first.
Or thieve my hat.
For I am The Xym. I care not for thine good opinion. As long as I know I have acted honorably, the opinions of others trouble me not. Thou it may rend mine heart that my standing may be diminished in Pretties eyes, I am THE Xym, and I am marvellous beyond words.
And you L♥VE me!
Coz I am fucking EPIC, I am! Stuff that Money Supermarket - it ain't as EPIC as me!
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