Say Hello, Wave Woodbine..

Hey hey hey hey hey hey hey...
J-J-J-J-Jessie F*

Plod, plod, I arrive

On the case, sweaty face, hot pastrami on rye
Sleazy, Seedy, Steaming hot Manhattan Night
In my office, I'm a Private Eye tonight
Dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty trenchcoat
You think it got a hood? You wrong, You matrincestor!

I can do it just like Poirot - do it like a Sleuth
Grab my gun, trenchcoat and fedora too
I can do it just like Sam Spade - do it like a Sleuth
Grab my gun, trenchcoat and fedora too

We can do it just like Magnum, Magnum, hey!
We can do it just like Magnum (Tate & Lyle and Splenda)
We can do it just like Magnum, Magnum, hey!
We can do it just like Magnum (Tate & Lyle and Splenda)

Bang! Bang! Hey! Smith & Wesson!
No pretty Dames or alleys out here.
Chewin' Chewin' Chewin' Chewin' fat with Fangio
Plummet from a rooftop in a final showdown
Dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty dirty trenchcoat
You think it got a hood? You wrong, You matrincestor!

I can do it like Columbo - do it like a Sleuth
Grab my gun, trenchcoat and fedora too
I can do it just like Sherlock - do it like a Sleuth
Grab my gun, trenchcoat and fedora too

We can do it just like Magnum, Magnum, hey!
We can do it just like Magnum (Tate & Lyle and Splenda)
We can do it just like Magnum, Magnum, hey!
We can do it just like Magnum (Tate & Lyle and Splenda)

Dames - come bop me on the coiffure!
Dames - I do it undercover!
Dames - Do you dig my trenchcoat collar?
Holla holla woah

Dames - come bop me on the coiffure!
Dames - I do it undercover!
Dames - Do you dig my trenchcoat collar?
Holla holla woah

I can do it like Michael Knight - do it like a Sleuth
Grab my gun, trenchcoat and fedora too
I can do it just like Shoestring - do it like a Sleuth
Grab my gun, trenchcoat and fedora too

I can do it like Mike Hammer - do it like a Sleuth
Grab my gun, trenchcoat and fedora too
I can do it just like Wainthropp - do it like a Sleuth
Grab my gun, trenchcoat and fedora too

We can do it just like Magnum, Magnum, hey!
We can do it just like Magnum (Tate & Lyle and Splenda)
We can do it just like Magnum, Magnum, hey!
We can do it just like Magnum (Tate & Lyle and Splenda)

Do it, do it, like Lazlo
Do it, do it, low like Laz
Do it, do it, like Lazlo
Do it, do it - and some call him Laz!

* Out of Murder She Wrote.