Iron Butt. Boner. Once I even called a cop...asshole...

And they can't even arrest me for it, coz swearing at cops is no longer against the law!

Apparently, the OCP budget has been drastically reduced under Austerity Measures, and Murphy has been relegated from armoured car to a pushbike!

Dead or alive - you're coming with me - on my bike!

And, typically, Robocop got knocked off his bike, and ended up in a critical, yet stable, position in a Nottinghamshire Hospickle.

Now, It's a while since I watched Robocop in action. As I recall, it took a battering from an ED209, or a pummelling from Cain Dingle in a supersuit, or choppage with a cordless power saw by teenage druglords as Officer Duffy Rained On His Parade by showing no Mercy on Warwick Avenue by torturing him with his gravelly voiced rendition of "Stepping Stone".

Whist riding a bike and taking coke. Or drinking coke. Or was that Patrick Duffy? Or Duffy In The Buff Slaying Vampires?

Summat like that, anyways!

Not taking a tumble from a bicycle.

However, this Robocop doesn't actually appear to be any kind of cyborgian construct suffering from Directive IV syndrome. In fact, he appears to be a bog standard bobby on a bike.

And not even the village one!

Curiously, though, in scouring the area for 'evidence' of the bloke what bumped him off his bike, the human police are visiting mechanics and scrap metal merchants. A-ha! Looks like Cyberdyne Systems Model 101 has already been created - Robocop in name, Terminator on the outside! Hence the hunt for spare parts in the junkyards!

Will that pesky Sherrif of Knotting 'em stop at nothing to catch that Maid Marion I'the Nudd (as she's high on Sherwood sherbert dogging in the forest with Robin I'the Hoddie, Try-a-fuck, 'Big' Ron and Alan-a-Dalewinton - the latter after Much scarlet willies, red raw from woodland shaggage)?

UNLESS...

He's already called Robocop... but he doesn't know it!  because Bob Morten has only told him he'll be OK. In reality, he's expecting an agreement on total body prosthesis, so a new Mythbusters¹ style Robosuit can be grafted on. In fact, he was probably run over by Dick Jones in the first place!

"I had to kill Mansfield South PC Diederik Coetzee because he made a mistake. Now it's time to erase that mistake. Ooooh - Kari Byron in a binkinini - I'd buy that for a dollar!"

¹ MITH BYRON'TH BUTHT, THAT ITH (HE THAYTS, LITHPING!)

Paint yer parrot blue and grey...

As I was walking down the road (a-feelin' foine an' larky-o?) I was accosted by one of them there Big Issue sellers.

Now, normally The Xym is oft praised for his stiff, upright purple head, for colored plumage of a verticality is most pleasing to the passing populace.

But not today.

Today, the praise be somewhat obtuse. "Wow! You look autistic!"

Yay! The Xym look... eh,whut?

In the past, I have been mistaken by those bereft of visual comparative clarity for Dustin Hoffman... or was it Dusty Bin? I'm pretty sure it wasn't Dusty Roads or Rusty Lee as I ain't got a zed zed topbeard, nor a big fat giggly black female chef.

But I could be wrong.

Anyhoo, turns out I'm not on of them rain men (which is good, as I recall The Weathergirls as two big black fat mommas, and I don't want to be be getting the West Indian equivalent of Viz's Fat Slags San & Tray absolutely soakin' wet at just about half past 10. 10 tonnes by the size of 'em!).

What this undomiciled vendor of news actually said was that I look artistic!

Piss Artist? Nay, the musketeer moustache of twiddlyness is one of them there stereotypical accoutrements of poncey painters! All I need is a beret, a pallet and a village idiot smock to complete the look!

Forget sending me your  photos of flange for Fannuary¹ - just invite me & me easel over, and you can model all nudie for me, draped over the bed or sprawled on the sofa and I'll just paint some real life Art.

Hold on... photography is art, isn't it...

Where's me digital camera!

¹ PLEASE DON'T FORGET - I STILL WANT YOUR FANNUARY FOOF SHOTS TO MAKE A CUNT COLLAGE OF ALL MY PRETTIES TWINKLES.  

Remember, remember, the whiff of Ho-vember...

"oooooh, fish paste" quoth the scariest of scary spices (and she don't mean nutmeg!)

Anyhoo, them there pimp-daddied Ho's can't claim November as Ho-vember, as us manliest of manly men have already claimed it for Mo-vember.

Presumably in honour of Mo The Barman out of The Simpsons, who got prostrate cancer from lying down flat doing nothing for too long.

And to raise money to pay off the cutting off of his cancerous cock, we shave our faeces and grow a 'tashe.

Except for me, who already sports a magnificent Musketeer moustache, and I ain't shaving that off just yet!

Anyhoo, as The Girls can't have their Ho-vember, it seems they have claimed another month - Fannuary.

And as the name suggests, to combat clit cancer, it's spending New Years Eve becoming a follicle free fresh flange of a shaven haven, and growing a topiaried twat toupée to keep themselves warm in Winter.

I'm all for it - especially if, like Movember, and Pretties have to keep a public photographic record of their pubic progress!

So, c'mon my Pretties - it's almost December. eMail me photo minge montages of your current fanny forestry. Then, on Nude Year's Day, send me pictures of your poon plumage pruning, so 'Poontang Clan' Xym can check out your 'gravel pit'. Then, over Fannuary, keep me updated with regular close up shots of your quim coiffure! It IS for charity after all!

As them thar flock o' seagulls chanted:

"If I had a photograph of poon

Just something to remind me¹

I wouldn't spend my life just letching..."

So - don't forget, my Pretties. Fannuary - shave yer bush for charity² (and send visual records for Xym's perusal and in-depth study)

"Fannuary

Sick & tired of hair dangling off minge

It's time to shave hairy pie

Spread open your thighs

Photo! Photo!"

- and that was sung by a Pilot on Top Of The Pops, and he should know, coz them pilots are always shagging air hostess trolly dollies up their 'cock-pit', which has to be shaven in case pubes break free and clog up the aileron controls whist she's happily getting some thrust out of throttling the co-pilot's rudder.

Or something...

¹ I HAS BEEN SINGLE FOR SO LONG, I NEED REMINDING WHAT A PRETTIES SECRET WET WELL OF WONDERS IS!

² CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME... SO THIS YEARS CHARITY IS "FLASH THE GASH AT XYM IN HIS OWN HOME" TO HELP SAD SHORT FAT OLD UNPOPULAR GOTHBOYS WITH THE VISAGE OF A TROLL TO SEE ALL HIS PRETTIES ALL NUDIE-LIKE

Xym's list of exciting stuff (Nov '11)...

Right, The Xym is fed up getting excited about Upcoming Stuff, then forgetting about them! So, to keep track, I'm creating an ongoing list of stuff I wanna keep track of.

This is the initial list... naturally, I've forgotten many of the things I wanted to keep track of, so if I's missed owt, or you have more info for me to add, let me know, so my next update should be a mega bumper of entertainment knowledge!

Film
 2 Dec 2011 'The Thing' released. Remake of Howard Hawks' The Thing From Another World, 
                                and prequel to John Carpenter's The Thing (original sequel to Howard Hawks' The 
                                Thing From Another World)
16 Dec 2012 'Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows' released
20 Jan 2012 'Underworld: Awakening' released (Kate Beckinsale returns as Selene in the
                                sequel to Underworld: Evolution)
10 Feb 2012 'The Woman In Black' released (stars Daniel Radcliffe)
27 Apr 2012 'The Avengers' released
?? Apr 2012 'The Dark Knight Rises' released (Anne Hathaway as Catwoman)
 Early 2012 'Dredd' released. First edit of the new Judge Dredd movie has been screened, 
                                final cut is now in progress.
?? ??? 2012 'Silent Hill: Revelations' released
14 Dec 2012 'The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey' released
   Nov 2013 'Thor 2' released
13 Dec 2013 'The Hobbit: There And Back Again' released
       2013 Stephen King's 'The Stand' (Remake being directed by Ben Affleck)
       2013 'Akira' (Remake being directed by Jaume Collet-Serra who did The Orphan)
??????????? Rentaghost (Russell Brand has been replaced by Ben Stiller as Fred Mumford)

Blu-Ray 
 2 Dec 2011 Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows pt 2
 5 Dec 2011 Captain America
            Four Flies On Grey Velvet
 9 Jan 2012 Troll Hunter
 Early 2012 The Whisperer In Darkness
??????????? A Game Of Thrones (series 1)
??????????? Immortals
??????????? In Time
??????????? War Of The Worlds: The True Story (Pendragon)

TV
04 Dec 2011 Ch4  Charlie Brooker's Black Mirror - 3 part anthology series
?? Dec 2011 BBC1 Doctor Who Xmas Special
 Early 2012 BBC4 Dirk Gently - Full series 
 Early 2012 ???? Sinbad - Full series
       2012 ???? American Horror Story
?? ??? ???? ???? American Gods (Neil Gaiman's HBO mini-series)
?? ??? ???? ???? A Game Of Thrones (series 2)
?? ??? ???? ???? Stephen King's 'IT' - Remake o be told from perspective of Beverly Marsh
?? ??? ???? ???? Journey To The West (13 part serial of Monkey! written by Neil Gaiman)
?? ??? ???? ???? Once Upon A Time

Music
 5 Dec 2011 Amy Winehouse - Lioness
 early 2012 Adam Ant  - Adam Ant Is the Blueblack Hussar in Marrying the
            Gunner's Daughter
 early 2012 Fields of the Nephilim - CΣRΘΜΘΠIΣS (live album + DVD)
 4 Jun 2012 Jeff Wayne - War Of The Worlds: The New Generation (re-tooling of the 
            original album to work in more of the novel, with new sequences and reworked score. 
            Richard Burton being replaced by Liam Neeson)

Gigs
 4 Dec 2011 Adam Ant  - Cambridge
16 Dec 2011 Adam Ant  - Norwich UEA
23 Dec 2011 Liqueur: A tribute to The Cure - Norwich Waterfront
 6 Mar 2012 Killing Joke - Norwich Waterfront

Games
27 Jan 2012 Silent Hill: HD Collection (remastered editions of Silent Hill 2 & 3)
 9 Mar 2012 Silent Hill: Downpour
23 Mar 2012 Resident Evil: Racoon City
?? ??? ???? Animal Crossing 3Ds

Books
?? May 2012 New Blake's 7 Novels
?? ??? 2012 Brian Lumley - New Necoscope (tentatively titled Necroscope: The Möbius Murders)

Audiobooks
?? Feb 2012 Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #1 (original cast members Gareth
                                Thomas, Paul Darrow and Michael Keating reprise their roles as Roj Blake, Kerr
                                Avon and Vila Restal)
?? Aug 2012 Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #2

Cancelled/Decommissioned/Postponed/In Limbo
POSTPONED      The Annotated Sandman
IN LIMBO       Good Omens (Gaiman/Pratchett adaptation, directed by Terry Gilliam)
IN LIMBO       'At The Mountains Of Madness' H.P.Lovecraft tale directed by Guillerro
                    Del Toro.
IN LIMBO       'Forbidden Planet' - Remake written & directed by Babylon 5's J. Michael
                    Straczynski
IN LIMBO       Neil Gaiman's 'Neverwhere' - awaiting a director
IN LIMBO       Sandman (Neil Gaiman seeking an suitable director)
IN LIMBO       John Christopher's 'The Tripods'
IN LIMBO       Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, Teresa Banks And The Last
                    Seven Days Of Laura Palmer (remastered DVD/Blu-Ray with deleted
                    scenes)
DECOMMISSIONED Locke & Key
DECOMMISSIONED Shooting Stars (no more Vic & Bob!)

Recent releases removed off the list:
21 Nov 2011  Lady Gaga - Born This Way remix
11 Nov 2011  Assassin's Creed IV
18 Nov 2011  'Breaking Dawn part 1'  released
17 Nov 2011  Neil Gaiman's Absolute Sandman Vol.5
15 Nov 2011  Rare Exports
11 Nov 2011  Skyrim
 3 Nov 2011 Throwing Muses - Norwich UEA

Now then, now then, jewellery jewellery, braaaaaains.....

At last, The Public can rest in peace without fear of octogenarians in short shorts rising from the grave to chase them in a marathon so that the charity running corpse can feast upon their entrails.

For Sir Jimmy Saville has been encased in concrete as a "security measure".

Now, I'm all for the prevention of the Rise Of The Dead, but entombing the living dead in concrete to prevent their rising is a tad extreme. OK, so not everybody has a shotgun to shoot them in the head, thus stopping the ravener in it's tracks, but at least a headshot eliminates the threat forever.

Now, in the future, some unsuspecting Tony Robinson of the Future Time Team will end up excavating a dig, and accidentally release the aged old fossil into a world unprepared for brain banquet reanimatory massacre.

I've seen Demolition Man! If they can't cope with Simon Pheonix, how can they ever cope with Zombie Jimmy?

There you'll be, having that virtual reality helmet bathtub simulated lovemaking with Sandra Bullock in her cameltoed police uniform, when in bursts the cadaverous cannibal Saville of the walking dead! With a cry of "And the band was... Showaddywaddy" and he'll leap on Lovely Lenina Huxley and munch her out before you even get a chance to get a proper chance at Fluid Transfer!

And I'll tell you summat else - even as an incredibly sensitive man, who inspires joy-joy feelings in all those around him... I'm not going to match Jimmy's meat or lick his ass, either!

Sandra Bullock's, on the other hand...

Seen walking and cast as a sci-fi nerd at midday...

Xym's on film!

Walk in The Forum, checking out the antiquities and PHWOARAGE! Über hot cute gothette pretty checkin' out The Xym!

Traverse for a perusal of the usual lackage of Alice, Victoria, Bellatrix, Coraline and NBX. Exit and guzzle farm shop pop as out the corner of mine eye cometh The Pretty!

The Xym apparently looks quite interesting! Ooooh, am I in there? She's called Molly! Ooooh, is she gonna ask if I've seen her pussy? Xym seduced by sexy sultry Sugden sirens? Rolling R finger wragglement situation here!

What's this MiLady? You want me in your down below? Under your forearms amongst your curves? You milkshake offer is certainly tempting me to the yard!

Oh, she just wants me in the basement of The Forum, called The Curve, as an Extra as a Sci-Fi nerd at a Star Wars convention.

Bah!

I wouldn't peg me as a Sci-Fi nerd, but I take a modicum of Delores with the script. When the 'actor' is asked if he could make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs in the Millenium Falcon, and who would his co-pilot be, he answered that he'd give Hand Solo a run for his money, and the 'presenter' butts in that's there's only 1 co-pilot, and that's a certain Wookie named Chew-wacky-baccy.

Now, Han never claimed he made the Kessel Run - he says the Millenium Falcon is the ship that made the Kessel Run - not I made the Kessel Run. The Falcon was Landau Calrissian's ship, so it was Landau who made the Kessel Run before losing the Falcon to Solo.

And Landau's co-pilot in the Falcon when he borrowed it back from Han during the Battle Of Endor was Nien Numb,who was much more fun. Han was always shouting at Chewie, who wasn't that great a co-pilot. Contrast that with the fun times Landau had destroying the second Death Star, and Nien Numb giggling like a giggly girl on a girlie night giggling about giggety giggety.

The things I do for a pretty! Molly Good-Golly-What-A-Hottie made me sit with geeky Sci-Fi nerds, and didn't even cop off with me like I expected from shows such as Big Bang Theory.

But then, I'm not a nerd.

I'd've pointed out that it should be called Big Bang Theorem, if I was.

But I'm not, so I shan't!

If I had a photograph of views...

...just something to remind me what to spend my many millions upon.

Cast your critical eye of this photograhical wonderment:

A fine holiday snap, you may say.

But how fine?

A fine of £2,7000,000.

Yep - that very photo (snapped by Andreas Gursky on his holiday to Great Y'ha-Nthlei to pick up cyclopean sex toys from Dagon's Dildos adult stall on the left hand side of Martyn's Wankaround Store on Regents Road) just sold to one of them cash strapped "we're all in it together" austerity fleeced bods for 2.7million squids!

Just what makes that shot worth 2.7m? There's certainly no pretties in trouser arousing attire, alien big cats, space monster driven dirigibles or sea serpents in it to make it rare and unique!

Hold on - perhaps that's it! It's Loch Ness, and definitive proof of the existence of batrachian behemoths who've been munching on the scottich fisherfolk! Cheap at twice the Price!

But not Katie Price. Cheap AS Katie Price perhaps. But do I price the Price at £2.7m? Well, the Price Is Right, so I guess we should ask her. But she's as thick as pigshit, so it's probably not worth the bother. Loch Ness Camel? Lot less cameltoe, preferably!

Naturally, Nessie isn't actually in the shot - but isn't that always the way? By the time you get to press the shutter, the saurian deep dino-diver of the deep has dived below, leaving naught but a streamlined stream bereft of humps.

Still, it's not Andreas's fault¹ that the bashful Pleasure-You-Saw-Us is camera shy. At the very least, it stands as a historical monument to the moment a momemtous moment a monster was missed because Andreas didn't whip it out in time.

Same goes for his camera.

¹ NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH SAN ANDREAS FAULT, THE TECTONIC ACTION OF WHICH CAUSED THE GREAT 1906 SAN FRANCISO EARTHQUAKE THAT RELEASED BOTH GODZILLA AND THE LOCH NESS CAMEL FROM THEIR SUBAQUARIAN SLUMBERS. ONE TO WREAK HAVOC UPON TOKYO, AND ONE TO MILDY PEEP OUT THE WATER AT KILT CLAD DRINKERS OF GLENMORANGIE AND PUT THE WIND UP THEIR SPORRAN.

Vanilla Slice - Nice, baby!

There's this thing, right, where people are being requested to store their emergency contact person's number in their mobile as ICE (In Case of Emergency). Also, they should keep a card in their wallet with an ICE as a contact number.

Apparently, this helps in an emergency situation, so the Emergency Services can inform the relevant person of the situation.

Luckily, I'm good friends¹ with top rapper and B-movie Z-lister Ice-T. Which is handy, because he's a man who can handle himself in an emergency. Especially if he brings his mate LL Cool J along too.

Not only that, he now appears in my Phone Contacts under ICE Ice-T, so I had to get our other bezzi mate² Vanilla Slice to re-record top pop hit Ice Ice Baby to Ice Iced Tea for a personalised ringtone.

Serial Killers! Drug Dealers! Anacondas³! Emergencies? What emergencies! These guys laugh in the faeces of Emergency and send it fleeing with it's knickers around it's ankles and an unwiped bum!

But I work for that there Aviva, and I've been reliable informed that I should put my emergency number as internal number ----†.

I think not - If I'm in an emergency, I'd rather rely on Mr J, due to keeping his cool in emergency Deep Blue Sea style sharking scenarios. Especially if he's sharking that (j-j-j-j-) Jessie J!

Plus, you get Samuel L. Jackson thrown in for free, which is a bonus is you're fed up with all them muthalovin' snakes on your muthalovin' EasyJet.

That said, I do recall that there John McClane out of Die Hard being on an Aviva advert, telling us not to call him Walter. I'd dial ---- if Aviva have Bruce "wotchew talkin' 'boot Wincey" Willis on standby, ready to assist if I were subjected to a heist at the office Xmas party next month‡. Hah - knowing my luck, I'd get Paul "Don't Call Me Ringo Thomassy Tank-Engine Fat Bastard Controller Edwynn" Starr. Or Freddie Starr, eating my Hamster and somewhat exacerbating the nature of my emergency somewhat as snakes run rampant writhingly on Ringos carriage.

And hopefully not the snakes on his undercarriage, like some Spyder Dijon with 8 cocks, plagueing octo-pussies ladygardens in the shade of their damp wet mossy bush.

Or something.

¹ THIS MAY BE A BIT OF A FIB.

² THIS ALSO MAY BE A MISREPRESENTATION OF THE NATURE OF THE REALITY OF MY ACTUAL  FACTUAL ACQUAINTANCES.

³ ALTHOUGH PERSONALLY, I'D PREFER TO WRESTLE WITH RONNI ANCONA, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN (AND I'M SURE THAT YOU DO!)

† NUMBER OBFUSCATED SO THAT NONE OF MY IMAGINARY READERS START RINGING UP AVIVA TO DEAL WITH THEIR INTERNAL EMERGENCIES.

‡ "I HAVE HAD IT WITH ALL THESE YIPPEE KAY AY MOTHERHUMPIN' ELVES ON THESE YIPPEE KAY AY MOTHERHUMPIN' FILING SHELVES!"

She tried to shoot the poppies but the poppies say grrr...

Grrr indeed!

Now, it's a while since I did a blog to make me more unpopular, so it's about time I got round to offending everyone again with one of them there controversial rants o'mine.

So, Remembrance Day is upon us - 11.11.11 (that's Skyrim Day for The Yoof Of Today), where we remember the sacrifice of those who died in The Great War on the anniversary of the Armistice of 11am on November 11th 1918.

These brave soldiers died so that we can enjoy freedom of choice under a democratic society.

Or so I thought.

Seems that there is a rising tide of Neanderthal gormsters whose mental capacity is such that they need to wear a poppy to remember the dead, instead of being able to remember the simple numeric iteration of 11am on 11/11.

And, naturally, lacking cognitive capabilty, such cretinous types declare themselves Patriots Who Wear Their Poppy With Pride, and anyone not wearing a poppy is unpatriotic scum to be villified and abused.

And as these dumbass racists are invariably "footie" fans, they get all het up and angry because FiFaFoFum have never allowed charity emblems on their shirts, so this year it's suddenly an intolerable disgrace! FiFaFoFum have now bowed to this fascist insistence of conformity and are allowing a poppy on a black armband.

And then they start creating posters about how if you don't wear a poppy you can pack your bags and fuck off out the country.

Well, no jumped up little Hitler has the right to try and bully people into some form of Nazi dictated conformity - these brave soldiers fought for the right for people to choose how to honor their dead. If you choose to wear a poppy - all well and good. If you choose a minutes silence instead @11 on 11/11, all well good. If you disagree with wearing a poppy full stop due to its association with the stupidity of war, all well and good.

However, don't dishonor their brave sacrifice by becoming the very thing they fought against. If you are so outraged or offended by people exercising their right to choose not to wear a poppy, then you might as well just be honest about it and swap your poppy for a swastika and have done with it.

Poppy fascism makes a mockery of what the poppy symbolises. By all means wear it with pride... just don't try and force everyone else to, or try and make people feel bad for not wearing one.

Will I be wearing one? Doesn't matter. I don't have to justify my choice either way, and I accept and respect anyone's decision to wear one or not without judgement. That's what they fought for, and that's how best to honour them.

Not by being intolerant and abusive at non-poppy wearers. 

Of loos & piss & time elapsed, of moustaches and minge...

All for one, and none for Xym!

Suit Allures! le Roi Charles was invited to a surprise partay in the Take That Crypt!

But what's this? Last minute telecommunicatory advices of locatory confusion - not that The Crypt, it's t'other The Crypt! Die Krüpps? Nein! The Xym must fjord yon slumber apparatus for ye quaffage!

Ah, but it seems The Xym is more suited for queefage, due to the trimness of facial foliage! For Pretties adviseth that the 'tache is ideally suited for quim based stimulation¹. Admittedly, the young, innocent rock chick was unaware of precisely what quim is, and I doubt an offer of putting the 'tache to the test wouldn't go down too well.

Which rather disproves the point (if you know what I mean, and I'm sure that you do!)...

Anyhoo,  more Pretties to perve leer ogle talk at!

Discourse now squeaks around combining WKD core and Goldschläger becoming Apple Pie. Naturally, I'm informed by the inebriated lady that her flange feels nothing like pie de pomme. Although I guess it depends on pie in question. 

What if it's a Maccy D's Apple Pie? All hot and covered in crispy batter... not to mention shaped like a 'Brazillian' merkin, not dissimilar to the velcro-esque strip of chinwig I now sport under my twiddly 'tache twat tickler!

Or am I thinking of the filet o' fish (with obligatory 4 minute wait for that Sir, an NO! We don't sell onion rings)?

Whatever - all I know is that eventually there was a comPEEtition² for the fastest golden shower in the somewhat 'green' toilets, monitored by young fellow-me-lads through the windows.

But, alas, today is the tumbling of toothpaste, for according to sexy sirens of Polish prettyness, although Pretties like to admire impressive 'tache's upon the menfolk, they won't not kiss 'em due to 'tache rash & itchiness induced by stubble snoggage

On the other hand (probably the hand not caressing her beautiful busoms with her five palce due to lack of a kchuk) - if Pretties prefer the tingle of 'tache on their twinkle, is entwining tongue all that important? Perhaps I need to extract my 'tache, so I can put it on to pull, whip it off to snog, then stick it back on at fish supper time!

Not to be confused with penis buttock jelly time, involving Brian in a banana suit. Probably. 

Still - she says that now. Just wait till it gets long enough to tease into a Go Cumpare stylee³ - Pretties will be queueing up to ravish me then, coz all women want a Gio Cumpario!
 

Go Compaaaaarrrre!

Go Compaaaaarrrre!

A joy so rare

with Xym's lip hair

on your 'down there'

With just a few licks

and clitoral flicks

and you'll thank your stars that your quim met Xym's lip hair!

Go Compaaaaarrrre!

Or something...

¹ V FOR VAG-EATER, AND INTO THE (LURVE) GRAVEE! OR FANNY BATTER, TO BE MORE PRECISE. OR JUST DOWNRIGHT OBSCENE.

² SEE WHAT I DID THERE!

³ AND IF MY 'TACHE GET'S LONG ENOUGH, I CAN DO THAT TOO!
BA'DUM TISH!
I'M HERE ALL WEEK.
THANK YOU, AND GOODNIGHT!

...sdrawkcaB gnitnuoC eb ot dlo ooT

Soul Soldier
    Shimmer
        Garoux des Larmes
            Speed & Sleep
                Bright Yellow Gun
                    Start
                        Shark
                            Hate My Way
                                Hazing
                                    Tar Kissers
* Encore *
    Limbo
        Furious
            Vicky's Box
                Bea
Throwing Muses, Thursday 3rd October 2011, UEA LCR, Norwich