Alas, The Xym has once more Blotted His Copybook.
See, some gormster was complaining on our Business Forum that there was no panto in December in our Londinium Office this year.
Naturally, this ourtaged quite a fair few of us! How dare people whinge about a lack of transvestive dameature and such. In times of austerity, how can they expect to get free thesbianic theatricalities... come to think of it... why do these lazy Londoners get free pantos when they should be beavering away at their daily chores?
Outrageous!
So, naturally, it fell to The Xym. Perhaps it's a typo. Perhaps she meant this year, there would be no pants in December. A Go Commando charity event to bridge the gap between Movember and Fannuary.
Apparantly, someone took exception to Fannuary, and reported1 me for salaciously Savilling the thread, and it would appear that charitable events are inappropriate for a business forum!
Movember - no problem! Seems a hairy lip for charity is all fine and dandy, as long as it's not on the lips of a sideways smile!
Surely that's discrimination or something! Just because some haggard old trout would rather attract pædos with her shaven haven because she's offended by growing a cunt combover for charity, The Xym (as ever) is in the wrong!
Oh well.
On the plus side, I did have idea for naming no-pants December - Indecent-ber!
Movember: lip slug month
Indecentber: knickerless Nichola's (or something)
Fannuary: twat topiary
But noooo - that's far too offensive! Well, no charity's gonna get any more money off've me now, I can tell you!
1 I WOULDN'T MIND, BUT NO-ONE CAME AND MOANED AT ME! THEY JUST RAN OFF AND TITTLE-TATTLED LIKE A DIRTY LITTLE SNEAK... NOT UNLIKE SIR JIMMY APPROACHING A HOSPITAL AT NIGHT...
Showing posts with label Fannuary. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fannuary. Show all posts
Monday, 5 November 2012
Friday, 10 February 2012
Girls on film, (perhaps they'll come later)...
Hold on a minute...
It's February!
February the 10th!
And I just remembered it's almost two weeks since the end of Fannuary!
And narry a hint of elaborately topiaried twattery!
We men had to shave our faces off and grow preposterous mutton-chopped moustachios for Movember so we don't get cock cancer, and had had to post reglar progress pics from clean shaven to hairy yeti.
But did my Pretties care for the cervical cancer to shave their bush and post pictures of their bare beetle-bonnet with regular photographic evidence of their gash growth groomings?
Or care to post their Bare B(.Y.)bies On The Bus pictures to campaign for Jug Cancer?
They cared not one jot!
I must say, I'm disappointed. I suppose it's all racing for life whilst wearing pink now, and showing the Xym the shaven haven pink lips for a month is just too much of an exhaustive effort!
Well, next year, stuff your Movember! I'm going to Run For Bums¹ whilst wearing purple instead!
¹ AVOIDING CLOCKWEIGHT CANCER BY RUNNING BEHIND PRETTIES JOGGING IN TIGHT, FLIMSY LYCRA LEGGINGS/LEOTARDS AND COVETING THEIR ASSES. OR SOMETHING.
It's February!
February the 10th!
And I just remembered it's almost two weeks since the end of Fannuary!
And narry a hint of elaborately topiaried twattery!
We men had to shave our faces off and grow preposterous mutton-chopped moustachios for Movember so we don't get cock cancer, and had had to post reglar progress pics from clean shaven to hairy yeti.
But did my Pretties care for the cervical cancer to shave their bush and post pictures of their bare beetle-bonnet with regular photographic evidence of their gash growth groomings?
Or care to post their Bare B(.Y.)bies On The Bus pictures to campaign for Jug Cancer?
They cared not one jot!
I must say, I'm disappointed. I suppose it's all racing for life whilst wearing pink now, and showing the Xym the shaven haven pink lips for a month is just too much of an exhaustive effort!
Well, next year, stuff your Movember! I'm going to Run For Bums¹ whilst wearing purple instead!
¹ AVOIDING CLOCKWEIGHT CANCER BY RUNNING BEHIND PRETTIES JOGGING IN TIGHT, FLIMSY LYCRA LEGGINGS/LEOTARDS AND COVETING THEIR ASSES. OR SOMETHING.
Monday, 9 January 2012
And the public gets all the pubic wigs...
Dammit!
How comes I gets to miss nudie pretties flashing the gash as they mind the gap?
Baby gap?
Baby gap, my best hat! I was in the City and Gap is now Baby Gap. Now, to me, a baby gap is the gap the baby pops out of. And that's minge. And I just bet if I went in and asked the pretty fashionista behind the counter how much to purchase her poon, she'd slap me right round the face!
Or she might just sell herself to me to pay her student tuition fees! Coolio!
Anyhew, getting back to the original point, unfortunately it's not on the Londinium Underground. It's that there Mexican one. Michelle Rodriguez types, all trouserlessly traversing the tube all nudie below the waist!
There was me waiting till the Christmas Apocolypse to visit Peruvian and Mexican landmarks, and all the burrito bush and the peruvian pussy of the sexy women of Sacsayhuamán is on display NOW!
Perhaps I should organise one of them "flash mobs" on FarceBook with literal flashage! No Pants day on the Londinium Tube - not just going commando, as women in camouflage with black & green streaks all over their face and armed with a 7.62mm M134 General Electric Mini Gun (up to 6000 rounds per minute, 7.62*51mm shells, 1.36kg recoils) like the one Blaine had in Predator don't do it for me.
No - the whole removal of lower body raiment. But just for the ladies. I don't want Tottenham Court Road tube traveller's todgers dangling in me face!
Oh. Shitnuts. It's not Pants in the UK "pants = undercrackers" sense, it's Pants in the foreignland "pants = Shorts/Trousers" sense. Still, women in their scanties - I guess that works!
Ah, feck it - I'll start a new campaign - Boobies On The Buses! A day of norkage as babes brazenly bare their busoms on the First Bus... no, First Bust service! Seeing as my pretties seem to be adverse to photograhing their flange for Fannuary, perhaps they'd prefer to send me a montage of mammaries - jugs on the bus for breast cancer!
So, My Pretties, send me photos of you flashing your funbags on public transport and support Breast Cancer!
How comes I gets to miss nudie pretties flashing the gash as they mind the gap?
Baby gap?
Baby gap, my best hat! I was in the City and Gap is now Baby Gap. Now, to me, a baby gap is the gap the baby pops out of. And that's minge. And I just bet if I went in and asked the pretty fashionista behind the counter how much to purchase her poon, she'd slap me right round the face!
Or she might just sell herself to me to pay her student tuition fees! Coolio!
Anyhew, getting back to the original point, unfortunately it's not on the Londinium Underground. It's that there Mexican one. Michelle Rodriguez types, all trouserlessly traversing the tube all nudie below the waist!
There was me waiting till the Christmas Apocolypse to visit Peruvian and Mexican landmarks, and all the burrito bush and the peruvian pussy of the sexy women of Sacsayhuamán is on display NOW!
Perhaps I should organise one of them "flash mobs" on FarceBook with literal flashage! No Pants day on the Londinium Tube - not just going commando, as women in camouflage with black & green streaks all over their face and armed with a 7.62mm M134 General Electric Mini Gun (up to 6000 rounds per minute, 7.62*51mm shells, 1.36kg recoils) like the one Blaine had in Predator don't do it for me.
No - the whole removal of lower body raiment. But just for the ladies. I don't want Tottenham Court Road tube traveller's todgers dangling in me face!
Oh. Shitnuts. It's not Pants in the UK "pants = undercrackers" sense, it's Pants in the foreignland "pants = Shorts/Trousers" sense. Still, women in their scanties - I guess that works!
Ah, feck it - I'll start a new campaign - Boobies On The Buses! A day of norkage as babes brazenly bare their busoms on the First Bus... no, First Bust service! Seeing as my pretties seem to be adverse to photograhing their flange for Fannuary, perhaps they'd prefer to send me a montage of mammaries - jugs on the bus for breast cancer!
So, My Pretties, send me photos of you flashing your funbags on public transport and support Breast Cancer!
Tuesday, 3 January 2012
Hairpiece nude year...
I could regail you with tales of Xmas and New Year.
Of the having it large to Darude's Sandstorm in the WhatACunt instead of Wraith/Alt.80s dubstepperies.
Of roasted spuds to die for.
Of immobile Charlie Chaplins scratching their arse with both hands RIGHT down the back of their trews (and thus ruining the illusion).
Of priestly pulpit punch-ups with Palestine Police (as opposed to Plasticine Police, which involved Morph being set up by Chaz. Or polystyrene police with X-ray specs on, ogling the wimmin under their burkhas).
Of The Poisoning of The Xym.
Of crocodiles lilght-fingeringly lifting lawnmowers to fight off sumatran rat-monkey invested zoo gawkers in their watery lair.
Of the Killeroo, duffing up children.
Of many other diverse and interesting entertainments over the past couple of weeks.
But instead, I shall bewail the lack of shaven haven's being sent in by my Pretties out there!
Remember, remember, the 'tache of Movember - back then, I reminded my young nubile pretties about Fannuary. Raise money for charity by going all baldy about yer box. You then post pictures as you grow your minge merkin, and post daily updates of your follicle flange as you tease it into a topiaried twat toupée.
So far, I'm yet to recieve a single flash of the gash. :(
I suspect everyone's forgotten since November about this charity event, so I'm providing a timely reminder.
So, c'mon, my Pretties - get shaving yer snatch and get that fanny photo'd! It's all for charity, so you've no excuse. Over the following days, I expect to be regularly updated with the progress of your labial locks, coiffured quim, pigtailed pussy, combover cunt or even just your elaborately vajazzled vaj.
Hurry up and send me your charity raising nudie pics already!
Of the having it large to Darude's Sandstorm in the WhatACunt instead of Wraith/Alt.80s dubstepperies.
Of roasted spuds to die for.
Of immobile Charlie Chaplins scratching their arse with both hands RIGHT down the back of their trews (and thus ruining the illusion).
Of priestly pulpit punch-ups with Palestine Police (as opposed to Plasticine Police, which involved Morph being set up by Chaz. Or polystyrene police with X-ray specs on, ogling the wimmin under their burkhas).
Of The Poisoning of The Xym.
Of crocodiles lilght-fingeringly lifting lawnmowers to fight off sumatran rat-monkey invested zoo gawkers in their watery lair.
Of the Killeroo, duffing up children.
Of many other diverse and interesting entertainments over the past couple of weeks.
But instead, I shall bewail the lack of shaven haven's being sent in by my Pretties out there!
Remember, remember, the 'tache of Movember - back then, I reminded my young nubile pretties about Fannuary. Raise money for charity by going all baldy about yer box. You then post pictures as you grow your minge merkin, and post daily updates of your follicle flange as you tease it into a topiaried twat toupée.
So far, I'm yet to recieve a single flash of the gash. :(
I suspect everyone's forgotten since November about this charity event, so I'm providing a timely reminder.
So, c'mon, my Pretties - get shaving yer snatch and get that fanny photo'd! It's all for charity, so you've no excuse. Over the following days, I expect to be regularly updated with the progress of your labial locks, coiffured quim, pigtailed pussy, combover cunt or even just your elaborately vajazzled vaj.
Hurry up and send me your charity raising nudie pics already!
Friday, 25 November 2011
Remember, remember, the whiff of Ho-vember...
"oooooh, fish paste" quoth the scariest of scary spices (and she don't mean nutmeg!)
Anyhoo, them there pimp-daddied Ho's can't claim November as Ho-vember, as us manliest of manly men have already claimed it for Mo-vember.
Presumably in honour of Mo The Barman out of The Simpsons, who got prostrate cancer from lying down flat doing nothing for too long.
And to raise money to pay off the cutting off of his cancerous cock, we shave our faeces and grow a 'tashe.
Except for me, who already sports a magnificent Musketeer moustache, and I ain't shaving that off just yet!
Anyhoo, as The Girls can't have their Ho-vember, it seems they have claimed another month - Fannuary.
And as the name suggests, to combat clit cancer, it's spending New Years Eve becoming a follicle free fresh flange of a shaven haven, and growing a topiaried twat toupée to keep themselves warm in Winter.
I'm all for it - especially if, like Movember, and Pretties have to keep a public photographic record of their pubic progress!
So, c'mon my Pretties - it's almost December. eMail me photo minge montages of your current fanny forestry. Then, on Nude Year's Day, send me pictures of your poon plumage pruning, so 'Poontang Clan' Xym can check out your 'gravel pit'. Then, over Fannuary, keep me updated with regular close up shots of your quim coiffure! It IS for charity after all!
As them thar flock o' seagulls chanted:
"If I had a photograph of poon
So - don't forget, my Pretties. Fannuary - shave yer bush for charity² (and send visual records for Xym's perusal and in-depth study)
"Fannuary
Or something...
¹ I HAS BEEN SINGLE FOR SO LONG, I NEED REMINDING WHAT A PRETTIES SECRET WET WELL OF WONDERS IS!
² CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME... SO THIS YEARS CHARITY IS "FLASH THE GASH AT XYM IN HIS OWN HOME" TO HELP SAD SHORT FAT OLD UNPOPULAR GOTHBOYS WITH THE VISAGE OF A TROLL TO SEE ALL HIS PRETTIES ALL NUDIE-LIKE
Anyhoo, them there pimp-daddied Ho's can't claim November as Ho-vember, as us manliest of manly men have already claimed it for Mo-vember.
Presumably in honour of Mo The Barman out of The Simpsons, who got prostrate cancer from lying down flat doing nothing for too long.
And to raise money to pay off the cutting off of his cancerous cock, we shave our faeces and grow a 'tashe.
Except for me, who already sports a magnificent Musketeer moustache, and I ain't shaving that off just yet!
Anyhoo, as The Girls can't have their Ho-vember, it seems they have claimed another month - Fannuary.
And as the name suggests, to combat clit cancer, it's spending New Years Eve becoming a follicle free fresh flange of a shaven haven, and growing a topiaried twat toupée to keep themselves warm in Winter.
I'm all for it - especially if, like Movember, and Pretties have to keep a public photographic record of their pubic progress!
So, c'mon my Pretties - it's almost December. eMail me photo minge montages of your current fanny forestry. Then, on Nude Year's Day, send me pictures of your poon plumage pruning, so 'Poontang Clan' Xym can check out your 'gravel pit'. Then, over Fannuary, keep me updated with regular close up shots of your quim coiffure! It IS for charity after all!
As them thar flock o' seagulls chanted:
"If I had a photograph of poon
Just something to remind me¹
I wouldn't spend my life just letching..."
So - don't forget, my Pretties. Fannuary - shave yer bush for charity² (and send visual records for Xym's perusal and in-depth study)
"Fannuary
Sick & tired of hair dangling off minge
It's time to shave hairy pie
Spread open your thighs
Photo! Photo!"
- and that was sung by a Pilot on Top Of The Pops, and he should know, coz them pilots are always shagging air hostess trolly dollies up their 'cock-pit', which has to be shaven in case pubes break free and clog up the aileron controls whist she's happily getting some thrust out of throttling the co-pilot's rudder.Or something...
¹ I HAS BEEN SINGLE FOR SO LONG, I NEED REMINDING WHAT A PRETTIES SECRET WET WELL OF WONDERS IS!
² CHARITY BEGINS AT HOME... SO THIS YEARS CHARITY IS "FLASH THE GASH AT XYM IN HIS OWN HOME" TO HELP SAD SHORT FAT OLD UNPOPULAR GOTHBOYS WITH THE VISAGE OF A TROLL TO SEE ALL HIS PRETTIES ALL NUDIE-LIKE
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