Oooh! Remember not so long back, The Xym sorta got chatted up by a Pretty at 80s night/HitParade down The Whatacunt?
Well, just got back from last night's shenannigans for my Sister Jo's birthday bash, and interesting developments developeded. probably. or something...
But first - Boy George! Finally got to see Boy George! Supported by Skinny Lister - described themselves as an English Folk Sea Shanty band... turned out to be The Pogues without a Pennywhistle, and a cute babe instead of Shane McGowan.
But Boy George and his nine-piece is no Culture Club.
First song: Reggae. Second song: Reggae. Third song: Reggae and I'm a-Grrrrrrr! It's like being at a UB40 concert
Fourth song... Everything I own... didn't UB40 do that too? But at least Boy George did in 1987, but this is even more slooooow and reggaefied,,,
And so it went on. Reggae, Blues, Jazz, Swing... slow, slow, slow! Even the classics re-arranged, stripped down, and back to bare bones reggae.
So, not what I expected! Good, but not worth £27.50.
Anyhoo, After BG leaves, it's straight into the club night, and I join my compatriots bewailing the disappointment of BG, as I wait for Birthday Girl to arrive.
But Birthday Sister is delayed, as her chauffeur has lost the car park ticket!
But the crew finally arrives, and my Sister is driven to tears by her birthday surprise. Quite emotional, my sister is!
Anyhoo, the night progresses, and I ends up outside talking to my Hairdresser, Midge, when I gets approached by the self-same sexy siren from before!
Who now knows I'm not gay.
Then came much interrogation! Is that my wife? Your girlfriend? No - that's me barnet fondler! Is that your wife? Your girlfriend? No - That's me sister!
So, it turns out my Pretty is Greek, who teaches English to the English (eh?), and still wants to dance with me! So, she heads in with her mate, and after some "Who's THAT Xym?" questionings later, I heads in.
Now, it's 80s night, so I'm in me Flock Of Seagulls haircut and 3D specs, so my vision is somewhat limited. But although I can't see my Greek Goddess, I find my crew in the usual spot. Dancy, dancy, dancy...
...when up comes my Pretty for her dance - and ooooooh, the green-eyed monster comes out in my friends as we dance. But New Greek Pretty sees my other Greek friend, and squeals all round - they know each other! Small world, innit!
As they embrace, my jealous friend grabs me hand, and forcibly drags me to t'other side of the dance floor for a dance...
...oh dear... Flee, Xym, flee! Sis, Sis, help! It's all going wrong! Don't worry Bruv, I just met her in the toilets, and she was singing your praises! She's well into you! Cripes...
And lo, I creep back downstairs, and run into El Greco with her mates, and I'm hers now. Dancey, dancey, dance, and her mates sidle off...
...urk...
...well, looks like I've pulled here! Oh wait, her friends are returning...
...and surrounding her...
...and moving off towards the exit...
...hold on, she's gone too! They've snaffled her off!! Quick - drag her away before the strange man makes a move on her!
Just my luck!
So, Xym almost pulled... but, as ever, it all comes to naught.
