These are the things Xym could do without
saying
When yobs are threatening Xym
He plows on
In violent times, Xym should learn some voice control
It's black and white for yobs who really ought to know (better)
They mock Xym's voice, and take him for an Eton boy!1
Wave them goodbye2, Xym shouldn't have to stand for this.
Xym really shouldn't...
Speak! Speak!
Keep it discreet!
Xym's gob runs on like Usain Bolt's feet!
Shut up!
He's listening to you!
So shut up!
He picked a fight, and in return Xym rang verbal rings
This wound yobs up, but still Xym lived to tell the tale
The ignoramus tells the tale!
Xym! Xym! Ignorant Xym!
So said the gobshite defending his Quim!
Come on!
As if Xym's a threat!
Come on!
And when Xym's taken down his guard,
He'll attack from behind - because he thinks he's fookin' hard!
As if I broke his 'tarded heart!
'tashe! 'tashe!
Frothing the gash!
This must be why Xym is singled out!
In case
their missus runs off with Xym
as if!
Yes, another altercation down The Whatacunt at ShitPloppin' from a yobbo spoiling for a fight. And in record time too - not even 15 mins in and a laughable loon is trying to berate The Xym for their retardery!
Seems passing on the opposite side of the corridor creates such a breeze, it swayed him a bit when using the cash machine (Wot a retard! Fancy coming out to the Whatacunt with no cash in the first place!).
Later, on a return passing - you know when you can sense what's going to happen? Gobshite is deliberately blocking the door - and you just know as you pass by he's going to deliberately step back. And he did - spilling my sticky drink all over me hand and sleeve. But did I complain? Nah - just met up with other.
And then, he went all ninja cat.
We're sat in the smoking area at the far end. Suddenly - he's standing the door. Out of the corner of they eye, you see him step, step, freeze. Look around shiftily. Creepy, creepy. Eventually mouthing off something. Much of the demand "look at me! Look at me! Ya fookin' ignoramus! Oi! ya bastid!".
I tried to keep quiet, but I kept conversing with my companion... unfortunately bewailing my lot of having cockends badger me, t which he took further exception, concluding with that he "wouldn't fuck off unless you make me, and I'll fookin' have ya, ya ignorant fucker. Come on then!"
To which we pointed out we'd just have him ejected. So we just pointed him out to the doorman, and went back in, leaving him having a tantrum about how Xym should be watched.
Yeah. Right.
Laters, we're upstairs, when the creep sidles up again and starts up again with his yelling. Luckily, his missus was there and pushed him away. Then, he went into full rant mode about me doing something with his missus and how he'd take me on again. Muscling forward with outstretched arms in "come on hit me" mode. Then his missus stepped in again and dragged him off kicking and screaming like a petulant child.
Ah. THAT seems to be the problem. His missus wasn't an ex of mine. I hadn't spoken to her. I hadn't ogled her up, or even performed any comedic lecherous finger wriggling3. And yet he's paranoid about me doing something with her!
I suspect it's the 'tashe - men get all jealous that their women will all run off with me because of the melodramatic moustache of twiddly Victorian villany. or something.
Still, makes a change from obsessed gayboys pestering me coz I won't bum 'em, I guess!
1 HA HA HA! THE KNUCKLE DRAGGING NEANDERTHAL'S VERSION OF STARTING A FIGHT WAS TO REFUTE XYMS DISMISSAL OF HIS POSTURING BY REPEATING EVERYTHING XYM SAID IN A POSH VOICE. BOTH MANCS QUERIED WHY HE WAS SPEAKING A NORTHERN ACCENT IN A POSHO FASHION - IT REPLIED...
"THAT'S HOW YOU SPEAK, THAT IS!"
OH MY WORD! SOMEONE'S BEEN WATCHING HISTORY TODAY ON NEWMAN AND BADDIEL! ABOUT 15 YEARS TOO LATE...
2 *AHEM* SEEMS WHEN XYM THOUGHT HE SAID "JUST WALK AWAY. GO AWAY. JUST... GO AWAY.", ACCORDING TO ONE PRESENT, THEY HEARD IT COME OUT AS "OH, JUST FUCK OFF, YA COCK. FUCK OFF. JUST... FUCK OFF." SEEMS SOME PEOPLE NEED THEIR EARS WAXING OUT!
3 SOMETHING I HAVEN'T DONE IN A LOOOONG TIME! I HAVEN'T DONE THE RICK MAYALL COMEDY PERVE THING FOR AGES - THINK I SHALL HAVE TO SAVE IT UP AND BRING IT OUT WITH THE BIG GUNS FOR FEARME BOTTOM'S POST WEDDING WEEKEND AT RESISTANZ!
