Now, there was that telly advert about how to recognize someone who was having a bit of a stroke.
You know the one:
Face - has their face gone all wangy?
Arms - are they having trouble with their limbs?
Speech - are they talking all slurred like?
Time - to get them a glass of water and fresh air, and get them to sober up before they spew everywhere and you have to hold their hair out the way so it doen't fall in the unflushed pissy bogwater and get all covered in vomit.
If they're gently caressing a body part, then they're having a bit of a stroke. If it's in an intimate area, leave them to their masturbatory onanism. Unless it's in a pubic place, in which case call a policeman to take down your particulars. or something.
But, because it's St Padraigh's Day (to be sure, begorrah, shamrock, leprichaun, Guinness, she bangs the bodhrán, top o' the mornin' to yer four leaf irish rover clover, etc), Kate Garraway off the telly has a new thing!
Heels for hearts!
It's quite simple. You spot someone having a heart attack, burst into a spot of Riverdancing!
Which may not be all that helpful. There you are, clutching at your heart, then some svelte Pretty starts dancing about in front of you - arousing you with their trim pins and short skirts and...
...yikes! There goes me heart again...
Predictable Xym trivia: I once got a job as a Private Dancer. Upon arrest for allegedly spying on Pretties whilst rustling about in their bush, turns out I was hired as a Privet Dancer...
Wah, wah, wah, waaaaaaah...
