We're just swallowing ancient lava flow...

Not a feast for me, not a feast I know...

Todays blog was going to be a review of Jeff Wayne's George Lucas-ing Of Jeff Wayne's Musical Version Of The War Of The Worlds: The New Generation.

But I need to listen to it more than once, and for a bit longer to have a more objective opinion.

So it'll have to wait until next week!

Then, I was going to put an education blog up for Mens on How To Use A Bloody Toilet At Work You Skankarse Filthy Sods, but foolishly looked at today's canteen menu and got de-railed.

So what delights are lined up today?

BBQ Feast!

Mmmmm nommage. Burgers! Sausages! Chops! Steaklets! Ribs! Chicken! All done on a flaming BBQ in a proper neanderthal manly cooking stylee, and smothered in smokey sauce. Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Think I'll have me some of that... hold up... there's a description! Let's see:

BBQ FEAST

Grilled beef burger with salad £2.95

Add onion rings for 50p

Eh whut? Since when does a solitary burger (presumably in a bun) constitute a BBQ Feast? Perhaps I misunderstand the term Feast. FFS - it doesn't even come with chips! And even if it did, I wouldn't class a bog standard burger & chips as a feast, let alone forgoing a platter of fries in favour of 6 rancid breaded onion rings!

BBQ Feast, my best hat! It's a feckin' burger. No more. No less.

So instead, I decided to nom upon the Mexicana option: Mixed Mushroom Frittata with sauté potatoes and salad.

Although, it turns out:
● Frittata¹ is mexican for Manky Over-Peppered² Inedible Omelette
● Sauté is mexican for spud sort of (hence sauté. sort of → sorta → saurtay → sauté) sliced into 4 and fried a bit to look golden brown yet still remain uncooked
● Salad is mexican for a bit of tomato sliced into a complex structure atop the omelette, and a sprinkling of chopped mystery green on the spuds.

Oh well, that'll learn me. Think I'll throw an Xmas Banquet this year. One Iceland Twizzler with a lone mince pie chaser.

Or is that too much for a banquet?

Perhaps I should play it safe, and scale back to feast levels, and replace the mince pie with a vol-au-vent.

Further linguistical educationalisms for you: did you know Vol-au-vent is poncey chef-speak for The Venting Of The Volcano? The puff pastry case is designed to represent a mini "volcano", spewing out a lava of eggy mayo to replicate the stench of methane gas (or prawn cocktail to mimic the surrounding seafood by the shore of Krakatoa). Scoffing the tasty aperitíf is symbolic of overcoming the adversity of natural disaster. Like James Bond & Sarah Connor up at Danté's Peak fighting off Terminators and boiling grannies in acid lakes. Or Tommy lee Jones and Anne Heche digging trenches... oh wait, I think I'm getting confused. No - Anne Heche was too busy licking out Ellen DeGeneres's downtown trench⁴. Anyhow, despite her twat-tongueing ways, they took on the La Brea Tar Pit spewer of volcanic death, and lived happily ever after (albeit without the lezzing up on comedienne presenters).

Tell you what though - I bet that Pierced Brosnan⁵ and Sarah Connor took time to take advantage of the roasting forestry game and lava-fire for a proper BBQ feast on the way to safety!

And what's do we get - a solitary burger passed off as a "feast".

Well, not me - I just ended up with rancid omelette, and now feel somewhat queasy...

¹ ♫ A 'COON IN FRITTATA ♫ - APPARENTLY, THIS IS SOME SONG IN THE LOIN KING WHERE TIMBO AND BUMPOO PROMOTE THE CULLING OF RACCOONS, AND NOT LETTING THE CARCASS GO TO WASTE BY PUTTING IT IN AN OMELETTE. SOME SICK FUCKS WORK AT DISNEY THESE DAYS!

² THE 'ORRIBLE GREY BRITISH PEPPER OUT OF A DIRTY CRUET, THAT IS - NOT THE NICE RED/RELLOW/GREEN PEPPERS FAVOURED BY PONCHO CLAD HOMBRÉS WITH A TASTE FOR A CHILLI-DRIPPING DROOPY TASHE, SIX-SHOOTER, TWO FINGERS OF TEQUILA³ AND A COPY OF FIESTA UNDER THEIR SOMBRERO (CUMBRERO?) DURING (DUREX?) THEIR AFTERNOON "SIESTA"
    ³ AND WE DON'T EVEN GET THE TEQUILA! INSTEAD THEY GOT MULLED WINE TEA! MULLED
    WINE TEA!?!? IMAGINE THAT - I'D TRY IT, FOR MULLED WINE IS THE TITS, BUT CINNAMON
    CLOVE PG TIPS? URGH! IT DOESN'T BEAR THINKING ABOUT!!

⁴ UNTIL SHE REALISED THAT NO-ONE WOULD HIRE HER FOR LEZZING UP WITH A HIGH-PROFILE RUGMUNCHER. SO SHE DITCHED ELLEN, MARRIED A BLOKE AND SPAWNED, AND NOW WATCHES ALL THE MOVIE ROLES ROLL RIGHT ON IN! CYNICAL SACRIFICE OF SEXUALITY JUST TO GET FAME AND FORTUNE? SURELY NOT... ALTHOUGH I DO WONDER HOW SANDI TOKSVIG KEEPS GETTING ON QI - PERHAPS SHE'S GIVEN UP FISH SUPPERS AND MARRIED STEPHEN FRY. WHO KNOWS? NOT ME. I KNOW NOTHING, ME!

⁵ SIMILAR TO A PRINCE ALBERT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT MY BROSNAN IS, BUT WHATEVER IT IS, I DON'T THINK I'D FANCY HAVING NIPPLE CLAMPS PUT THROUGH THEM. OR SOMETHING.

An alien with an alien's arms...

After months of speculation, muscle man mutant Moustafa Ismail has, this week, announced he has not artificially augmented his arms.

"I have nothing unnatural" he claims.

I beg to differ. Here is a pic of the man him, sorry,itself:

Aaaarrrggh! Run! Hide!

Natural? That? That is one VERY unnatural freak of nature!

I mean, lookit his eyes - all wangy and starey. Enough to put the willies up a scared child (as Sir Jimmeh did often, allegedly).

Literally, one eye is all small and on the wonk, t'other is all huge and malformed. It's like someone having a stroke mid-masturbation on the cum stroke. On the wonk? On the wank, more like!

Or something.

Wait a minute... that Eye... I am The Xym, but I see the Tower in the Dark. There is a monstrous odor... senses transfigured... boarding at that Tower Window creaking and giving away... Ia... ngai... ygg... I see it... coming here... hell-wind... titan blur... black wings... Yog-Sothoth save me... the three-lobed burning eye!

"When I had waited a long time, very patiently, without hearing him lie down, I resolved to open a little --a very, very little crevice in the lantern. So I opened it --you cannot imagine how stealthily, stealthily --until, at length a simple dim ray, like the thread of the spider, shot from out the crevice and fell full upon the vulture eye. It was open --wide, wide open --and I grew furious as I gazed upon it. I saw it with perfect distinctness --all a dull blue, with a hideous veil over it that chilled the very marrow in my bones; but I could see nothing else of the old man's face or person: for I had directed the ray as if by instinct, precisely upon the damned spot. And his arms. Oh, those swollen and malformed arms. It was as if some mad sturgeon, in the throes of a toporous opiate fugue, had inserted two Hovis mini-loaves into each arm without running them through the Gregg's auto-slicer first."

I'm sorry, but muscley men look awful. Bodybuilding womens - worse still. But this - this is more unnatural than the most unnatural thing ever that went and had an unnatural enhancement and looking even more unnatural than unnaturalness itself!

Perhaps he's right. Mayhap he is not unnatural.

Just a natural FREAK!

And all the best freaks are here.

I said all the best freaks are here.

Please! Stop staring at me!

"No doubt I now grew very pale; --but I talked more fluently, and with a heightened voice. Yet the sound increased --and what could I do? It was a low, dull, quick sound --much such a sound as a strongman's are makes when pumping iron. I gasped for breath --and yet the officers heard it not. I talked more quickly --more vehemently; but the noise steadily increased. I arose and argued about trifles, in a high bowl of jelly with violet custard and much cream; but the noise steadily increased. Why would they not be gone? I paced the floor to and fro with heavy strides, as if excited to fury by the observations of the men --but the noise steadily increased. Oh God! what could I do? I foamed --I raved --I swore! I swung the chair upon which I had been sitting, and grated it upon the boards, but the noise arose over all and continually increased. It grew louder --louder --louder! And still the men chatted pleasantly, and smiled. Was it possible they heard not? Almighty God! --no, no! They heard! --they suspected! --they knew! --they were making a mockery of my horror!-this I thought, and this I think. But anything was better than this agony! Anything was more tolerable than this derision! I could bear those hypocritical smiles no longer! I felt that I must scream or die! and now --again! --hark! louder! louder! louder! louder! "Villains!" I shrieked, "dissemble no more! I admit the deed! --tear up the planks! here, here! --It is the weightlifting of his deformed arms!""

Swimming with doll's fins...

Illegally touching young mammals (and not in a Savile sense)

[Aural] Rape. Murder. It's just a vote away...

Oh, Depeché Mode is threatenin'

our music moguls today

If Gore don't shoot that Cowell

all music's gonna fade away

Aw diddums! Simon Cowell is upset (yay!).

Apparently, that there Martin Gore out of Depeché Mode said:
"I'm not advocating violence, but I think somebody should shoot Simon Cowell. What happened to bands getting together? They are very few and far between now, and the ones that do probably can't afford to get into a studio and make a record."

So Cowell burst into tears and blubbed to the Press.

"Waaah! I doan wanna be shot! Martin Gore's a wierdo. Ner ner nee ner ner! He was is in Depeché Mode - does he realise how weird and stupid that makes him? Waaah - doan shoot me! Other peoples are being shot - it's unfair! He's a wierdo. Tell him Mum! I'll set me mate Louis on you, and he'll bum you with all the token gay ones out of our boybands. Waaaaah! I bet Dave Gahan didn't get to shag Sinitta, Danni Minogue and Cheryl Cole so ner."

You great girly big girls blouse of girlyness!

Think about it Cowell - Depeché Mode have been around for over 30 years, still selling out stadiums and making lots of albums. One of the most influential and popular bands ever.

What's your legacy?

Loathed supplier of atrocious Karaoke singers who can't sing, can't dance, have little (or no) fashion sense¹ who are never heard of again, that's what!

What happened to all them shite singers who won them Cowell shows? Does he seriously think Steve Brookstein (who?) is comparable to Dave Gahan?

Sorry Cowell, but I concur with Gore. If we had the death penalty, you would be up in front of the firing squad for crimes such as the murder of music, and the fraudulent promotion of "talent" such as Girls O'Lard & Little Shits.

Martin Gore? A wierdo? Being in Depeché Mode makes you weird and stupid? This, from the man who inflicted Ashleigh and Pudsey upon us as the cream of British Talent? This, from the man whose company "SyCo"...a-ha!

...by your own admission, Cowell, you're a Sicko! A sicko (syco) who gets off on on torturing the mass populace with absolute mediocre shite through the tellybox , brainwashing 9yr olds to badger their mums to fill their bedrooms with your depraved audio bollocks that keep car boots in business for many a future Sunday!

Like that woman who crept into Cowell's bathroom to smash his face in with a brick, I think these are some of the sanest people out there!

Simon Cowell. What a twatarse gobshite!

¹GIRLS O'LARD ON CHILDREN IN NEED THIS YEAR - I REST MY CASE! BAD, BAD OUTFITS, BAD, BAD DANCING, AND BAD, BAD OUT OF TUNE/TIME SINGING. AND THAT WAS WITH AUTOTUNING!

Xym's list of exciting stuff (Dec '12)...

A list of upcoming stuffs what The Xym is sort-of looking forward to.

Jump to section:

Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Film

14 Dec 2012	Hobbit #1: An Unexpected Journey
20 Dec 2012	Frozen Interpretation of Hans Christian Andersons "Snow Queen"
21 Dec 2012	Life Of Pi
?? ??? 2012	Dario Argento's Dracula 3D Premiered 19 May 2012 - still awaiting UK release date...
?? ??? 2012	Thale Follow up to Troll Hunter, this time with Huldra instead of Trolls. Released in Norway on 17th Feb 2012
09 Jan 2013	Texas Chainsaw 3D
11 Jan 2013	Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters I thought it was this year… apparently, it's next year. Bollocks.
11 Jan 2013	Les Misérables Movie of the Musical. Hugh Jackman as Valjean, Russell Crowe as Javert, Anne Hathaway as Fantine, Sacha Baron Cohen as Thénardier and... ♥♥♥HELENA BONHAM-CARTER♥♥♥☺ as Madame Thénardier!!
18 Jan 2013	V/H/S Horror anthology
22 Feb 2013	Mama New spooky Guillero del Toro movie.
?? Feb 2013	Dark Skies
?? Feb 2013	Wreck-It Ralph Video Game boss escapes his game, and goes through the other games in the Arcade. Lots of classic game boss cameos…
08 Mar 2013	Oz: The Great & The Powerful Prequel to Wizard of Oz… by Sam Evil Dead Raimi!
22 Mar 2013	Jack The Giant Slayer renamed from Jack The Giant Killer
?? Apr 2013	Oblivion
05 Apr 2013	Stephen King's Carrie Chloe Grace Moretz to play Carrietta White, Julianne Moore to play Margaret White
11 Apr 2013	Macheté Kills Sequel, and Alexa Vega looks… oh my! Oh dear - looks like the producers of the original Macheté are trying to block the release
12 Apr 2013	Evil Dead Remake in progress.
26 Apr 2013	Iron Man 3 Plot based on the nanotech comic storyline Extremis
17 May 2013	Star Trek 2
14 Jun 2013	Man Of Steel Zack Snyder reboots Superman…
12 Jul 2013	Monsters University Prequel to Monsters Inc.
12 Jul 2013	Pacific Rim Guillero Del Toro's Kaiju homage. Giant sea monsters awaken, only to be fought off by giant robots piloted by humans!
19 Jul 2013	Kick Ass 2: Balls To The Wall
26 Jul 2013	Wolverine, The Hugh Jackman in another X-Men sequel
?? Jul 2013	Robopocalypse Spielberg adap of Daniel H Wilson Rise Of The Machines type novel
09 Aug 2013	Elysium
09 Aug 1013	The Lone Ranger Johnny Depp as Tonto… Also Helena Bonham-Carter's in it… Depp & Helena and NO Tim Burton in sight!
14 Aug 2013	The World's End Final part in Pegg/Frost's Blood & Ice Cream trilogy
04 Oct 2013	Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For
25 Oct 2013	Paranormal Activity 5 Oh Christ… on and on it goes. And guess what - PA6 has been signed off too!
08 Nov 2013	Thor: The Dark World Christopher Eccleston cast as Malekith
22 Nov 2013	Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire
01 Dev 2013	The Conjuring
13 Dec 2013	Hobbit #2: The Desolation Of Smaug
07 Feb 2014	Robocop Remake… and Robocop will have a visor so you can see Murphy's eyes/face. Gary Oldman cast (prob not as Murphy tho')
14 Mar 2014	Maleficent Angelina Jolie cast as Maleficient (looks awesome in the teaser pics)
04 Apr 2014	Captain America: The Winter Soldier
02 May 2014	The Amazing Spider-Man 2
23 May 2014	Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Sequel to Tise of the Planet of the Apes being fast-tracked. Andy Serkis mo-capping again.
?? May 2014	Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Remember the recent relief that the reboot had been scrapped… it's back on again. Fuck. Let's hope they've dropped the Ninja Turtles created by Space Monsters twattery that cunted up the last reboot plot…
29 Jun 2014	Transformers 4
18 Jul 2014	X-Men: Days Of Future Past Or X-Men: First Class 2, if you prefer
01 Aug 2014	Guardians of the Galaxy
21 Nov 2014	Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay pt 1
?? Dec 2014	Hobbit #3: There And Back Again NOW OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED! The Hobbit WILL be a trilogy!
01 May 2015	Avengers 2 Announced 8/8/2012 - Joss Whedon returning to write and direct!
06 Nov 2015	Ant-Man
20 Nov 2015	Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay pt 2
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Blu-Ray

03 Dec 2012	The Dark Knight Rises Not only a Steelbook, but there's a Broken Mask sculpted edition too (£45 off've HMV). Oooooh!
26 Dec 2012	Total Recall (the remake). Steelbook
?? ??? 2012	Dead Sushi A mad Japanese scientist injects a reanimatory agent into sushi, bringing it to life and going on the rampage! Psychotic seaweed wrapped rice with slaughterous seafood on the prowl! And they say there are no new ideas in film - killer sushi, who'd've thunk it!
?? ??? 2012	War Of The Worlds: The True Story Tim Hines accepts flaws on his original WotW, and does a much better job on this faux documentary
2012 - 2013	War of the Worlds: Goliath 3D Manga-esque steampunk sequel to WotW (sort of like Scarlet Traces). Release forever being put back…
17 Jan 2013	Dredd
04 Mar 2013	Game Of Thrones (series 2)
?? ??? ????	Evangelion 3.33: Quickening
?? ??? ????	Kill Bill Redux Volumes 1 & 2 re-edited into one movie
?? ??? ????	Nightbreed: The Cabal Cut Remember Nightbreed? Snatched out of Clive Barker's hands and the last minute and butchered into a crapfest that made no sense, lost the whole plot and now impossible to get hold of? Well, Clive Barker recently found his VHS copies of the original footage that was thought lost. The film has been painstakingly reconstructed and re-edited to reflect the original vision. This "rough cut" is apparently really fucking brilliant, and pisses all over that shambles that was originally hacked to pieces for the original 1990 release. Obvs, as the extra footage is from Clive Barkers personal VHS collection, it's not great picture quality. However, turns out the "lost" footage isn't lost at all - Morgan Creek are still in possession of it! A negotiation has been agreed for them to release the footage for an uncut special Blu-Ray release... as long as they don't have to pay to produce it. WATCH THIS SPACE!!
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Gigs

03 Dec 2012	Thin Lizzy Norwich UEA
05 Dec 2012	Gary Numan Norwich UEA NOTE RESCHEDULED DATE!!!
07 Dec 2012	Pout At The Devil Norwich WhatACunt
11 Dec 2012	Human League Norwich UEA
19 Dec 2012	Sleigh in the UK The Wonder Stuff, PWEI and Jesus Jones! Shepherd's Bush Empire
21 Mar 2013	Clannad Norwich UEA
21 Mar 2013	The Selector Norwich WhatACunt
25 mar 2013	The Stranglers Norwich UEA
03 May 2013	Simple Minds Norwich UEA
28 May 2013	Depeché Mode The O2, Londinium
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Music

11 Dec 2012	iTré! Green Day New Album!
?? ??? 2012	Made Glorious The March Violets New Album!
21 Jan 2013	Adam Ant Is the Blueblack Hussar in Marrying the Gunner's Daughter Adam Ant New Double Album. Tracklist: 1. Cool Zombie 2. Stay In The Game 3. Marrying The Gunner's Daughter 4. Vince Taylor 5. Valentines 6. Darlin' Boy 7. Dirty Beast 8. Punkyoungirl 9. Sausage 10. Cradle Your Hatred 11. Hardmentoughblokes 12. Shrink 13. Vivienne's Tears 14. Who's A Goofy Bunny? 15. How Can I Say I Miss You? 16. Bullsh#t 17. How Can I Say I Miss You? (reprise)
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Games

?? ??? 2012	Animal Crossing 3Ds
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Books

?? Nov 2012	Blake's 7: Archangel Harrison, Scott New B7 novel set between series 2 episodes 6 (Trial) and 7 (Killer)
?? ??? 2012	The Mechanical Messiah and Other Marvels of the Modern Age Rankin, Robert
?? ??? 2012	e-Book back Catalogue Lumley, Brian - in negotiations
?? ??? 2012	Necroscope: The Möbius Murders Lumley, Brian
01 Jan 2013	Sisterhood of Dune Herbert, Brian & Anderson, Kevin J.
?? Feb 2013	Blake's 7: Warship Anghelides, Peter. Expansion of the AudioDrama (eBook only). Fills in the gap beween series 2 & 3 (Episodes Star One and Aftermath)
13 May 2013	Blood of Dragons Hobb, Robin
?? May 2013	Blake's 7: Lucifer Darrow, Paul Picks up where the series left off - what happened to Avon!
18 Jun 2013	The Ocean At The End Of The Lane Neil Gaiman New novel for adults
?? ??? ????	The Chickens of Atlantis and other Foul and Filthy Fiends Rankin, Robert
?? ??? ????	The Crow Shirley, John. New graphic Mini-series, set in Tokyo
?? ??? ????	The Sandman Neil Gaiman - Yes, Neil is writing a new Sandman! This will cover the events Morpheus mentioned prior to his capture by Burgess. From Neil himself: "When I finished writing The Sandman, there was one tale still untold. The story of what had happened to Morpheus to allow him to be so easily captured in The Sandman #1, and why he was returned from far away, exhausted beyond imagining, and dressed for war. It was a story that we discussed telling for Sandman's 20th anniversary... but the time got away from us. And now, with Sandman's 25th anniversary year coming up, I'm delighted, and nervous, that that story is finally going to be told,"
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Audiodrama

?? Feb 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #3 The Armageddon Storm Features original cast members Paul Darrow, Michael Keating, Jan Chappel and Tom Chabdon reprising their roles as Kerr Avon, Vila Restal, Cally and Del Grant
?? Feb 2013	Blake's 7: Warship See book above. Features original cast members Gareth Thomas, Paul Darrow, Michael Keating, Sally Knyvette, Jan Chappell & Jacqueline Pearce reprising their roles as Roj Blake, Kerr Avon, Vila Restal, Jenna Stannis, Cally and Servalan!
?? Feb 2013	Retromancer Robert Rankin adaptation in 13 half-hour episodes. To be aired on BBC Radio Feb 2013
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #4 TBA
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #5 TBA
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #6 TBA
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

TV

Latter 2012	Primeval: New World
SPRING 2023	Game Of Thrones (series 3) Series three to be A Storm Of Swords, Part 1
?? ??? ????	A.L.F. Yes, they're bringing back ALF from 1980s Melmak…
?? ??? ????	Amazon Reboot of Wonder Woman with a new origins story… renaming Diana Prince as Iris…
?? ??? ????	American Gods HBO mini series being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Produced by Tom Hanks.
?? ??? ????	Bates Motel Psycho: Norman Bates, The Early Years… oh dear…
?? ??? ????	Blake's 7 Another potential reboot. This time optioned to the US.
?? ??? ????	Dracula 10 part series featuring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as The Count
?? ??? ????	Exorcist: The Beginning Spin-off series
?? ??? ????	Gotham
?? ??? ????	Journey To The West 13 part serial being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Probably better known as Monkey! in the UK
?? ??? ????	Stephen King's Under The Dome Scripted by one of the writers of Lost…
?? ??? ????	Neighbours A family move into a new neighbourhood, where the residents are all aliens…
?? ??? ????	New Nabors A family's neighbours turn out to be The Muppets! What's not to like!!
?? ??? ????	Once Upon A Time (Series 2) Showing in UK on: Fi5e
?? ??? ????	S.H.I.E.L.D. Joss Whedon's telly spin-off from The Avengers (Assemble)
?? ??? ????	666 Park Avenue Showing in UK on: ITV2
?? ??? ????	Space 2099 Yes, they're rebooting Gerry Anderson's Space 1999 in a new century…
?? ??? ????	Star Wars: Underworld
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Films In Development

?? ??? 2012	[●REC]4: Apocalypse
?? ??? 2012	Exists Sasquatch hunts humans. From the people who brought you The Blair Witch Project. Oh dear.
?? ??? 2012	Bill & Ted #3
?? ??? 2013	Day of the Triffids Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi producing
?? ??? 2013	Dominion: Dinosaurs vs Aliens Barry Sonnenfield directing Grant Morrisson's adap of his graphic novel
?? ??? 2013	Dracula Eli Roth directing Russell Crowe as Drac…
?? ??? 2013	Girl Who Played With Fire David Fincher's remake of the 2nd Millenium Movie
?? ??? 2013	Human Centipede III: Final Sequence Yes, it's been scripted and the cast signed on to reprise their HC2 roles…
?? ??? 2013	Last Voyage of The Demeter The bit in Dracula where The Count travels in his coffin from Transylvania to England. Expanded into a movie with Viggo "Aragorn, son of Arathorn" Mortensen
?? ??? 2013	Pride and Prejudice... and Zombies
?? ??? 2013	Rentaghost: The Movie Russell Brand has been replaced by Ben Stiller as Fred Mumford
?? ??? 2013	Short Circuit Remake. Oh Mr Johnny Five, this good news, no?
?? ??? 2013	Stephen King's The Stand Remake - latest is that it may be split into several films or another mini-series.
?? ??? 2013	Suspiria Back on again (probably without Natalie Portman now)
?? ??? 2014	Godzilla Warner Brothers reboot. Again.
?? ??? 2014	Jurassic Park 4 Kicking off a new trilogy… oh dearie me…
?? ??? 2014	The Night Stalker Johnny Depp as Kolchak in the film adap of the series
?? ??? 2014	Pinocchio Guillermo del Toro directing
?? ??? 2014	Woman in Black: Angels of Death Hammer's [unnecessary] sequel to The Woman In Black set 20 years later…
?? ??? 2014	Zorro Reborn "The Fox" is rebooted!
Summer 2015	Justice League
?? ??? 2015	Avatar 2
?? ??? 2015	Doctor Who David "Harry Potter" Yates taking it on
?? ??? 2015	Star Wars: Episode VII Matthew Vaughn to direct…
?? ??? 2017	Star Wars: Episode VIII
?? ??? 2019	Star Wars: Episode IX
?? ??? ????	20,000 leagues Under The Sea David Fincher directing. Starts Brad Pitt
?? ??? ????	Abarat Adap of books 1 & 2 of Clive Barker's series. To be produced once books 3 & 5 published.
?? ??? ????	Atlantis Rising Comic book adap - may be a miniseries?
?? ??? ????	Assassins Creed Michael Fassbender to star as Altair
?? ??? ????	Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Remake in development! Possibly late 2012, or sometime in 2013.
?? ??? ????	Avatar 3
?? ??? ????	Avatar 4 Only a possibility of Avatar 4 at moment
?? ??? ????	Batman Reboot (for a change!). Apparenly, due to the Avengers success, this one is to begin setting up a JLA movie.
?? ??? ????	Beetlejuice 2 Tim Burton back at the helm, and Michael Keaton now signed on to reprise role as Beetlejuice! Written by Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, etc
?? ??? ????	Blade Runner 2 No prequel, and Harrison Ford WON'T be in it… unless Ridley decides he can have a brief cameo.
?? ??? ????	Boy Scouts vs Zombies Jesus. It gets worse…
?? ??? ????	Carpe Diem: The Adventures of a Demon Hunting Soccer Mom With a title like that, I gotta see it!
?? ??? ????	The Crow Legal details now resolved, so reboot going ahead. Can't see this being an improvement on the original.
?? ??? ????	Enormous André "TrollHunter" Øvredal adapting the comic strip for film, webisodes and TV… hold on… weren't they doing that with The Dark Tower? Looks where that's ended up - dropped into Limbo…
?? ??? ????	Fantastic Four Reboot…
?? ??? ????	Flight of the Navigator Remake of the '80s classic
?? ??? ????	Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest Remake of the 3rd Millenium Movie
?? ??? ????	The Graveyard Book Henry Selick adapting another Neil Gaiman book.
?? ??? ????	Heaven Sent Guillermo Del Toro's answer to the Justice League and Avengers movies, but with DC/Vertigo characters Deadman, The Spectre, Alec Holland, John Constantine, The Stranger, Zatanna, Zatara, Sargon and Etrigan the Rhyming Demon. From the title and characters, could be A Murder Of Crows from Saga Of The Swamp Thing?
?? ??? ????	Hellboy 3 Guillermo Del Toro has started work on it!
?? ??? ????	Hellraiser In development
?? ??? ????	Here There Be Monsters 18th Century sea monster stuff
?? ??? ????	Highlander Reboot up again…
?? ??? ????	Hulk 3
?? ??? ????	I Am Legend 2 How can he be a legend again? Oh, he wasn't in the first film either… JUST MAKE "I AM LEGEND" PROPERLY!
?? ??? ????	Stephen King's 'IT' Back on again! Cary Fukunaga relaces David Kajganich as writer, and becomes director. Also, it's being split into 2 movies (like the mini-series, then!)
?? ??? ????	Jitters Giant killer insects…
?? ??? ????	Legend of Conan As if Rocky Balboa and John J. Rambo's decrepit outings of an ancient weren't enough OAP porn for ya, Arnie returns in Conan: The Old Gimmer or some such!
?? ??? ????	Little Shop Of Horrors Remake of the Musical version, developed by (and starring) Joseph Gordon-Levitt
?? ??? ????	Logan's Run Rumour is the remake's back on again…
?? ??? ????	Masters Of The Universe Prince Adam of Eternia returns as He-Man!
?? ??? ????	Monsters: Dark Continent Sequel to Monsters. As of the original borefest wasn't enough tedium for anyone, they want to bore us to death again!
?? ??? ????	Monty Python's… Untitled tale of aliens giving superpowers to a human for laughs. All the remaining Pythons… except, of course, Eric Idle who's refusing at the moment.
?? ??? ????	The Mummy Part of Universal's 100 year celebrations, another reboot
?? ??? ????	Myst Right. Latest is that there were… disagreements... on how to proceed. Those set on adapting The Book Of Ti'ana, and who though that wasn't a good introduction to Myst and wanted a new direction. Acrimonious splits ensued. When film the rights came to the end of the option period, a second lease was refused, and the option has been passed to Delve Films. Amongst the bitching, the film is slowly being developed again... but I wouoldn't hold my breath if I were me!
?? ??? ????	Necroscope FX Artist Glenn Hetrick (one of the judges on SyFy channel's "Face Off") has announced he is working on the project!
?? ??? ????	Neuromancer Adap of William Gibson novel
?? ??? ????	Night Of The Living Tim Burton & Seth Grahame-Smith developing
?? ??? ????	Paranormal Activity 6
?? ??? ????	Poltergeist Sam Raimi remaking
?? ??? ????	Prometheus 2 Script now being written…
?? ??? ????	Shadow of the Colossus Adaptation of the game
?? ??? ????	Tape 4 Some Lovecratian terror!
?? ??? ????	Time After Time Remake of the 80s classic - Jack The Ripper escapes to modern times in HG Wells Time Machine, chased by… HG Wells himself!
?? ??? ????	Timecrimes US Remake of the Spanish classic
?? ??? ????	Triplets! Sequel to Twins! Schwarzenegger and DeVito discover their long-lost Brother (Eddie Murphy)… Recently confirmed by DeVito as actually being in development. Oh dear….
?? ??? ????	Tron 3 Confirmed by Bruce Boxleitner!
?? ??? ????	Two Worlds Colliding Michael Hutchence/INXS biopic
?? ??? ????	Van Helsing Reboot, with Tom Cruise as Van Helsing…
?? ??? ????	Venom Spidey-Man spin off
?? ??? ????	Videodrome Remake back on the table…
?? ??? ????	Wayne's World 3 Mike Myers has written a first draft…
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In Limbo

IN LIMBO	Akira Production once again halted…
IN LIMBO	At The Mountains Of Madness Guillerro Del Toro's plans are ruined. Ridley Scott's Prometheus is more-or-lese the same concept.
IN LIMBO	Chrome Pendragon Pictures sci-fi flick
IN LIMBO	Stephen King's The Dark Tower Dropped (again!). Hoping to be picked up by another company…
IN LIMBO	Forbidden Planet Remake written & directed by Babylon 5's J. Michael Straczynski
IN LIMBO	Ghostbusters 3 Officially dead. Bill Murray has said NO WAY, and unless he's on board, there will be no movie
IN LIMBO	Good Omens Gaiman/Pratchett movie adaptation to be directed by Terry Gilliam
IN LIMBO	Hawk The Hunter Sequel to Hawk The Slayer, currently awaiting funding.
IN LIMBO	Hawk The Destroyer Final in the Hawk trilogy. Presumably waiting for funding, or after Hawk The Hunter
IN LIMBO	Hallowe'en Reboot on hold, whilst they concentrate on he Hellraiser remake
IN LIMBO	Hallowe'en III 3D Either a remake of the Nigel Kneale Silver Shamrock version, or a sequel to Rob Zombie's crapfest
IN LIMBO	Mockingbird Lane Remake of The Munsters. CANCELLED AFTER THE PILOT. PILOT MAY NOT BE SCREENED OUTSIDE THE US. ALL OTHER DEVELOPMENT ON HOLD.
IN LIMBO	Neverwhere Gaiman movie adaptation awaiting a director
IN LIMBO	Power of the Dark Crystal Sequel to The Dark Crystal Back on hold as of 21 Feb 2012, as OmniLab cut all funding due to the failure of their crap film 'The Killer Elite'. The Henson Group may speak to them later in 2012 about further development, or seek a new partner, or can the whole project. Again.
IN LIMBO	Sandman Gaiman TV Series adaptation awaiting a suitable director - Eric Kripke (Supernatural) was promising, but eventually turned down.
IN LIMBO	Tripods, The Movie adaptation of the trilogy, re-set in America.
IN LIMBO	Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, Teresa Banks And The Last Seven Days Of Laura Palmer Remastered DVD/Blu-Ray with deleted scenes
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Last month

Novemb 2012	American Horror Story (series 2)
30 Nov 2012	The Damned
30 Nov 2012	Great Expectations
26 Nov 2012	War Of The Worlds: The New Generation
26 Nov 2012	Ted
26 Nov 2012	The Amazing Spiderman
23 Nov 2012	Set List The Anthology
21 Nov 2012	Peter Hook and The Light
21 Nov 2012	Adam Ant
19 Nov 2012	The Lorax
19 Nov 2012	Lego: Lord of the Rings
16 Nov 2012	Breaking Dawn part 2
12 Nov 2012	Santa Sangre
12 Nov 2012	Once Upon A Time (Series 1)
12 Nov 2012	iDos!
11 Nov 2012	3OH!3
08 Nov 2012	Angry Birds: Star Wars
05 Nov 2012	The Snowman
05 Nov 2012	Men In Black 3: Steelbook
03 Nov 2012	The Pistols
01 Nov 2012	The Educated Ape and Other Wonders of the Worlds
Oc/Nov 2012	Red Dwarf
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