...from the edge of Beachy Head.
Every year we has this. Gormsters looking forward to hot weather.
"Oooh, I hope we get a Summer this year - no Hot Sun at all last year!"
Conveniently forgetting the heatwaves and soaring temperatures that plagued last Summer.
Anyhoo, what riled me today was that Facebook sent me a notification that a Pretty liked a status1, and that status read: "Only 30 days till Spring!"
Now, I know these youngsters have been put through dumbed down GCSEs, but either their Maths is waaay off, or schools can't even teach the basics of the seasons.
Officially, Spring begins on 21st March. The Spring Equinox. The day of equal length that for centuries has marked the rite of the genesis of Spring.
Today is 31st January. 30 days from now is nowhere near Spring.
If the gormster had even a modicum of maths, they would have been able to work it out quite simply.
● Today is 31 Jan.
● In one day, it will be 1st Feb.
● There are 28 days in Feb (so no confusion with Leap Years). So, in 28 days, it will
be 28th Feb, 29 days - 1st March, 30 days - 2nd March...
● Right up until the first day of Spring on 20 Mar which is 49 days!
It's not rocket science, now is it! It's amazingly simple. But for the thickos who seem to have no clue as to when the seasons statr and end, here is a handy guide to 2013:
● Spring starts 20 March
● Summer starts 21 June
● Autumn starts 22 September
● Winter starts 21 December
Hint for next year: Seasons begin around the 21st of the aforementioned months on an annual basis.
Bigger hint: Spring & Autumn start on days of equal length. Summer starts on the longest day of the year. Winter starts on the shortest day of the year.
Thus it has ever been throughout the centuries.
1 AND AMAZINGLY, THE STATUS WAS THERE! FOR FACEBOOK IT A RIGHT ARSE WHEN IT COMES TO STATUSES (STATII?). YOU GETS A NOTIFICATION, GO INTO FACEBOOK, AND OFTEN THE NOTIFICATION IT TOLD YOU ABOUT AIN'T THERE! EVEN WORSE IS THAT SOME UPDATES APPEAR ON MY FACEBOOK FEED ON MY IPHONE, A DIFFERENT SET ON THE PC, AND YET A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SET ON THE IPAD! SAY I GETS A NOTIFICATION FOR A, B, C, D AND e. IPHONE HAS A & C, PC HAS A, B AND D, IPAD HAS B & C... AND CAN I FIND THE FULL MESSAGE OF THE NOTIFICATION FROM E? CAN I BUGGERY SOD AS LIKE! SOMETIMES, THE UPDATE AIN'T EVEN ON THEIR PROFILE PAGE! GRRRR!!
Thursday 31 January 2013
Wednesday 30 January 2013
Webshite story...
Since when have spectral spooks been able to build sites of interwebbyness?
And not just any old random blogspots - horrendously complicated interractive sites with live feeds and subliminal imagery.
Surely their ectoplasmic fingers would pass through the keyboard, let alone have the coding knowledge in the first place!
It's all very well haunting the Interwebz because a doctor has been torturing you for 48 hours like in that there Japanese Ringu, but wasting your ghostly goings on building websites to lure in policefolk trying to help your unquiet spirit seems a tad wasteful to me.
Most poultrygooses spend their time on the purgatorical plane pestering pre-pubescent princesses on periods, knocking jam jars off the kitchen counter and rattling the hanging pans a bit.
Not bothering people with inflatable balls and making ragu sauce come out of their eyes until they get frightened to death by a nudie woman crouching on the floor.
But what do I know?
I know I won't be wastine me time coding HTML websites of psychic plague in the afterlife, that's for sure!
And not just any old random blogspots - horrendously complicated interractive sites with live feeds and subliminal imagery.
Surely their ectoplasmic fingers would pass through the keyboard, let alone have the coding knowledge in the first place!
It's all very well haunting the Interwebz because a doctor has been torturing you for 48 hours like in that there Japanese Ringu, but wasting your ghostly goings on building websites to lure in policefolk trying to help your unquiet spirit seems a tad wasteful to me.
Most poultrygooses spend their time on the purgatorical plane pestering pre-pubescent princesses on periods, knocking jam jars off the kitchen counter and rattling the hanging pans a bit.
Not bothering people with inflatable balls and making ragu sauce come out of their eyes until they get frightened to death by a nudie woman crouching on the floor.
But what do I know?
I know I won't be wastine me time coding HTML websites of psychic plague in the afterlife, that's for sure!
Tuesday 29 January 2013
Cisterns are doin' it for themselves...
Holy moley!
Remember not so long back, I posted on the topic of the Gentlemen's ablutions of a lavatorical nature.
Well, new signage is up in The Gents.
First, there is a sign stating
Fair enough - there are men who treat logging off as a women's tennis match with all the grunting, sighing and other ejaculations that's involved in beating your balls with a stiff racquet. or something.
But that's not the odd sign. This is the odd sign. Above the flush on the toilet:
Can you read that sign? Let's just take a closer look at it, shall we (shall wee?)
What the... really?
Seriously dudes - do we really need a sign to inform us that bogwater is not drinking water?
What boggles the mind is that someone thought this disclaimer necessary! Has someone been caught lapping up the pan? I know that some of the messages have been posted by the nearby Pretty disgusted by sounds of splattery fartage or whatever - has she been going in, putting up her posters, and suddenly finding herself all horny in the forbidden realms of man's lair, locked herself in the cubicle, sniffing for cock and and got caught drinking dongler discharge from the bog bowl as she floods the floor in flange fluid as she faps over imaginary golden showers?
Not drinking water indeed!
Remember not so long back, I posted on the topic of the Gentlemen's ablutions of a lavatorical nature.
Well, new signage is up in The Gents.
First, there is a sign stating
"Please ensure the door is
shut and you are in the
cubicle before making your
disgusting noises."
Fair enough - there are men who treat logging off as a women's tennis match with all the grunting, sighing and other ejaculations that's involved in beating your balls with a stiff racquet. or something.
But that's not the odd sign. This is the odd sign. Above the flush on the toilet:
Can you read that sign? Let's just take a closer look at it, shall we (shall wee?)
Seriously dudes - do we really need a sign to inform us that bogwater is not drinking water?
What boggles the mind is that someone thought this disclaimer necessary! Has someone been caught lapping up the pan? I know that some of the messages have been posted by the nearby Pretty disgusted by sounds of splattery fartage or whatever - has she been going in, putting up her posters, and suddenly finding herself all horny in the forbidden realms of man's lair, locked herself in the cubicle, sniffing for cock and and got caught drinking dongler discharge from the bog bowl as she floods the floor in flange fluid as she faps over imaginary golden showers?
Not drinking water indeed!
Monday 28 January 2013
Oompa, Loompa, fisticuffs II...
Last march, I witnessed a lone Oompa Loompa starting a scrap on St Stephens by taking on a mandem.
But clearly, it was just an angry dwarven midget.
Not so today, for actual Oompa Loompas are duffing up youths!
Seems North Walsham is the breeding ground for these green haired, orange faced, brown shirted, white-overall wearing, short of stature puncher uppers!
Apparently, three escaped from the Caleys chocolate factory, and went on a rampage down Prince Of Wales Road - the most dangerous road in Norwich, if not East Angular, if not England, if not the UK, if not Europe, if not the Earth, if not...
Anyhoo, it's only a matter of time before they start blending in like chameleons. If they unearth a tunelling Tibetean, and thieve his saffron robes, why - one exchange of clothing and they're free to leap out on unsuspectign victims from alongsite terracotta walls!
Remember that mental oriental lentil that had the terracotta army? Them weren't statues - them were fossilised ossified Oompa Loompas in saffron robes in a terracotta painted1 room!
1 PROBABLY TUSCAN SUNSET #2
But clearly, it was just an angry dwarven midget.
Not so today, for actual Oompa Loompas are duffing up youths!
Seems North Walsham is the breeding ground for these green haired, orange faced, brown shirted, white-overall wearing, short of stature puncher uppers!
Apparently, three escaped from the Caleys chocolate factory, and went on a rampage down Prince Of Wales Road - the most dangerous road in Norwich, if not East Angular, if not England, if not the UK, if not Europe, if not the Earth, if not...
Anyhoo, it's only a matter of time before they start blending in like chameleons. If they unearth a tunelling Tibetean, and thieve his saffron robes, why - one exchange of clothing and they're free to leap out on unsuspectign victims from alongsite terracotta walls!
Remember that mental oriental lentil that had the terracotta army? Them weren't statues - them were fossilised ossified Oompa Loompas in saffron robes in a terracotta painted1 room!
1 PROBABLY TUSCAN SUNSET #2
Sunday 27 January 2013
Maybe I didn't eat you...
...quite as often as I should've...
So sang The King.
the Burger King, that is!
Seems some bloke (who didn't die on the toilet) lived his life eating Whoppers, so as the funeral cortegé drove to the cemetery, it took a detour through a Bugger King Drive thru' to stock up on BK (not-Mc)Whoppers for an afterlife repast.
I guess the dearly departed was misheard. He wanted to die in the presence of Whore's Meat. Tits and Flange and Ass of Ladies Of This Night. And instead, his dying wish was interpreted as Horse Meat, which BK banned from their burgers as a precaution.
or something.
Still, I guess being cremated surrounded by Big Tasty Bacon Cheeseburgers constitues Flame Grilled. And probably makes the crematorium smell a lot nicer too. I think if I cop it, and I'm being consigned to the flames, I'd much prefer to spend eternity haunting Pretties in showers with the aroma of Texan BBQ wings rather than a whiff of fag ash.
Only in America...
...but no - it's not in America! It's in Dracula country! The dark Wallachian country of Pennsylvania. Mwah ha ha ha ha! One burger, a-a-ha! Two burger, a-ha-ha! Count zem. Count all ze burgers in ze grave! And zen count ze veins in ze neck of ze virgin daughters of ze nubile young widow... mwah ha ha ha ha!
Saturday 26 January 2013
I hate big butts on my phone doth lie...
Grrrr!
Having been let down on the Wraithage, I ended up at a house partay.
Now, The Xym was fine to start with - on the sofa, easy interraction with Friends 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.
Then Strangers arrive. No problem, we at one end of the room, Strangers1 at t'other.
Then The Xym made the fatal mistake of making a lavatorical trip, upon which some long haired lout dived into my seat!
So, upon my return, I was forced further towards Ye Strangers, and sat betwixt amigos 1 & 2. Still no problem, as I can chat with them, and scowl at the seat stealing scumbag manhandling my jacket still on the chairarm.
Then, oh then, more Strangers arrived, and immediately cut me off from the other group, leaving me with 1 known acquaintance... talking to The Strangers about stuff The Xym cannot contribute to.
And not only am I slowly being outsted from my safe circle of friends, the new long haired lout decided the chair arm is the perfect place to perch his posterior.
And my iPod and iPhone are in the pockets. Potential cracking from arse crack pressure.
And now The Xym is in a most uncomfortable situation. For those who know The Xym are pretty much aware that The Xym doesn't do social interraction with people he doesn't or barely know. If he's out of his comfort zone of compadrés, he gets in a panic and has to perform the now legendary Make His Excuses And Leave.
Although with out the making excuses bit, just sneaking off into the night.
I did make an effort! I interjected at one point and got such a look of "who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you talking about you twat" distain, I immediately gave up and retreated to the safety of the kitchen.
Ah, the buffet! Spend a while snacking on Doritos.
When who should come in, but the seat thief, who promptly nicked the Doritos and snaffled off with them for himself in the living room!
Ousted from my seat!
Robbed of snacks!
Manarse pressing down precariously all over my fragile electronic devices and potentially shitting all over me jacket!
Unable to rejoin Xym's circle of safety from stranger socialisation!
Well, The Xym had no choice but to sneak out and leg it away from The Fear Of Having To Speak To Unknown Others.
Perhaps I should rethink this trip to Resistanz in Sheffield. If I can't has the breakfast amidst acquaintances and have to sit with Other People and have to interract with them... perhaps I should rethink going out in general, especially with mass "social gatherings".
1 APART FROM ONE PRETTY, WHO I KINDA KNOW-ISH. AND A WELL HOT PRETTY WHO I THINK MAY BE THE BABE DOWN THE CORRIDOR AT WORK, ALTHOUGH I COULD BE WRONG.
Having been let down on the Wraithage, I ended up at a house partay.
Now, The Xym was fine to start with - on the sofa, easy interraction with Friends 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5.
Then Strangers arrive. No problem, we at one end of the room, Strangers1 at t'other.
Then The Xym made the fatal mistake of making a lavatorical trip, upon which some long haired lout dived into my seat!
So, upon my return, I was forced further towards Ye Strangers, and sat betwixt amigos 1 & 2. Still no problem, as I can chat with them, and scowl at the seat stealing scumbag manhandling my jacket still on the chairarm.
Then, oh then, more Strangers arrived, and immediately cut me off from the other group, leaving me with 1 known acquaintance... talking to The Strangers about stuff The Xym cannot contribute to.
And not only am I slowly being outsted from my safe circle of friends, the new long haired lout decided the chair arm is the perfect place to perch his posterior.
And my iPod and iPhone are in the pockets. Potential cracking from arse crack pressure.
And now The Xym is in a most uncomfortable situation. For those who know The Xym are pretty much aware that The Xym doesn't do social interraction with people he doesn't or barely know. If he's out of his comfort zone of compadrés, he gets in a panic and has to perform the now legendary Make His Excuses And Leave.
Although with out the making excuses bit, just sneaking off into the night.
I did make an effort! I interjected at one point and got such a look of "who the fuck are you and what the fuck are you talking about you twat" distain, I immediately gave up and retreated to the safety of the kitchen.
Ah, the buffet! Spend a while snacking on Doritos.
When who should come in, but the seat thief, who promptly nicked the Doritos and snaffled off with them for himself in the living room!
Ousted from my seat!
Robbed of snacks!
Manarse pressing down precariously all over my fragile electronic devices and potentially shitting all over me jacket!
Unable to rejoin Xym's circle of safety from stranger socialisation!
Well, The Xym had no choice but to sneak out and leg it away from The Fear Of Having To Speak To Unknown Others.
Perhaps I should rethink this trip to Resistanz in Sheffield. If I can't has the breakfast amidst acquaintances and have to sit with Other People and have to interract with them... perhaps I should rethink going out in general, especially with mass "social gatherings".
1 APART FROM ONE PRETTY, WHO I KINDA KNOW-ISH. AND A WELL HOT PRETTY WHO I THINK MAY BE THE BABE DOWN THE CORRIDOR AT WORK, ALTHOUGH I COULD BE WRONG.
Friday 25 January 2013
Richie, would you like me to toast your marshmallows...
Wotcha gonn do wit' all dem yums?
All dem yums inside yer tum?
All dem yums inside yer tum?
I'm-a gonna gitchore stomach pumped
Stomach pumped from all dem Flumps
mah Flumps
mah Flumps, mah Flumps, mah Flumps,
mah Flumps, mah Flumps, mah Flumps,
mah Flumps, mah Flumps, mah Flumps,
my sweet marshmallow Flumps!
Check 'em out!
Mah name is Stacy Fergie
an' not teh Flump called Posie
or the Flump called Perkin
'coz Stacy wears no merkin
There's a Flump called Pootle
Jumpin' on mah tu-tu
Oh no that was Girls O'Lard
Green white pink and yellow
pillows of marshmallow
On the desk, made for sharin'
I say no, but they keep givin'
So I keep on takin'
An' no I ain't fakin'
we keep on eatin'
marshmallow treat sin
She'd got me spendin'
Oh, spendin' on mah moneh on sweets
an' spendin' time eatin'...
She'd got me spendin'
Oh, spendin' on mah moneh on sweets
o-on sweets, on sweets...
etc, etc...
The Xym would go on, but he appears to have spent too much time ogling up internet pics of Fergie mocking up a cover for the single, and run out of lunchtime!
Thursday 24 January 2013
Xym's list of exciting stuff (Feb '13)...
A list of upcoming stuffs what The Xym is sort-of looking forward to.
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| 15 Feb 2013 | Wreck-It Ralph Video Game boss escapes his game, and goes through the other games in the Arcade. Lots of classic game boss cameos… |
| 22 Feb 2013 | Cloud Atlas |
| 22 Feb 2013 | Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters |
| 22 Feb 2013 | Mama New spooky Guillero del Toro movie. |
| ?? Feb 2013 | Dark Skies |
| 08 Mar 2013 | Oz: The Great & The Powerful Prequel to Wizard of Oz… by Sam Evil Dead Raimi! |
| 22 Mar 2013 | Jack The Giant Slayer renamed from Jack The Giant Killer |
| ?? Apr 2013 | Oblivion |
| 05 Apr 2013 | Stephen King's Carrie Chloe Grace Moretz to play Carrietta White, Julianne Moore to play Margaret White |
| 11 Apr 2013 | Macheté Kills Sequel, and Alexa Vega looks… oh my! Oh dear - looks like the producers of the original Macheté are trying to block the release |
| 19 Apr 2013 | Evil Dead Remake in progress. |
| 26 Apr 2013 | Iron Man 3 Plot based on the nanotech comic storyline Extremis |
| 17 May 2013 | Star Trek: Into Darkness |
| 14 Jun 2013 | Man Of Steel Zack Snyder reboots Superman… |
| 12 Jul 2013 | Monsters University Prequel to Monsters Inc. |
| 12 Jul 2013 | Pacific Rim Guillero Del Toro's Kaiju homage. Giant sea monsters awaken, only to be fought off by giant robots piloted by humans! |
| 19 Jul 2013 | Kick Ass 2: Balls To The Wall |
| 26 Jul 2013 | Wolverine, The Hugh Jackman in another X-Men sequel |
| 26 Jul 2013 | World War Z Worldwide zombie wars |
| ?? Jul 2013 | Robopocalypse Spielberg adap of Daniel H Wilson Rise Of The Machines type novel |
| 09 Aug 1013 | The Lone Ranger Johnny Depp as Tonto… Also Helena Bonham-Carter's in it… Depp & Helena and NO Tim Burton in sight! |
| 14 Aug 2013 | The World's End Final part in Pegg/Frost's Blood & Ice Cream trilogy |
| 20 Sep 2013 | Elysium |
| 04 Oct 2013 | Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For |
| 25 Oct 2013 | Paranormal Activity 5 Oh Christ… on and on it goes. And guess what - PA6 has been signed off too! |
| 08 Nov 2013 | Thor: The Dark World Christopher Eccleston cast as Malekith |
| 22 Nov 2013 | Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire |
| 01 Dev 2013 | The Conjuring |
| 13 Dec 2013 | Hobbit #2: The Desolation Of Smaug |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Dario Argento's Dracula 3D Premiered 19 May 2012 - still awaiting UK release date... |
| 07 Feb 2014 | Robocop Remake… and Robocop will have a visor so you can see Murphy's eyes/face. Gary Oldman cast (prob not as Murphy tho') |
| 14 Mar 2014 | Maleficent Angelina Jolie cast as Maleficient (looks awesome in the teaser pics) |
| 04 Apr 2014 | Captain America: The Winter Soldier |
| 02 May 2014 | The Amazing Spider-Man 2 |
| 16 May 2014 | Ninja Turtles "Teenage Mutant" aspect dropped (again) - please let it not be back to alien space turtles again... |
| 23 May 2014 | Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Sequel to Tise of the Planet of the Apes being fast-tracked. Andy Serkis mo-capping again. |
| 29 Jun 2014 | Transformers 4 |
| 13 Jun 2014 | Jurassic Park 4 |
| 18 Jul 2014 | X-Men: Days Of Future Past Or X-Men: First Class 2, if you prefer |
| 01 Aug 2014 | Guardians of the Galaxy |
| 21 Nov 2014 | Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay pt 1 |
| ?? Dec 2014 | Hobbit #3: There And Back Again NOW OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED! The Hobbit WILL be a trilogy! |
| 01 May 2015 | Avengers 2 Announced 8/8/2012 - Joss Whedon returning to write and direct! |
| 06 Nov 2015 | Ant-Man |
| 20 Nov 2015 | Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay pt 2 |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| 04 Feb 2013 | Der Ring Des Neiberlungen Wagner's Ring Cycle |
| 11 Feb 2013 | Frankenweenie |
| 01 Mar 2013 | Thale Far as I can find out, this is now going straight to DVD/Blu-Ray (was limited showings in Film Festivals, apparently) |
| 04 Mar 2013 | Game Of Thrones (series 2) |
| 11 Mar 2013 | Willow |
| 18 Mar 2013 | Silent Hill: Revelation |
| 25 Mar 2013 | The Princess Bride: 25th Anniversary Edition Fucknuggets. As soon as I pick up the blu-ray, this comes out. Inconceivable! "Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." |
| 08 Oct 2013 | American Horror Story: Asylum |
| ?? ??? 2013 | War of the Worlds: Goliath 3D Manga-esque steampunk sequel to WotW (sort of like Scarlet Traces). Release forever being put back… |
| ?? ??? 2013 | War Of The Worlds: The True Story Tim Hines accepts flaws on his original WotW, and does a much better job on this faux documentary |
| ?? ??? ???? | Evangelion 3.33: You Can [not] Redo |
| ?? ??? ???? | Kill Bill Redux Volumes 1 & 2 re-edited into one movie |
| ?? ??? ???? | Nightbreed: The Cabal Cut Remember Nightbreed? Snatched out of Clive Barker's hands and the last minute and butchered into a crapfest that made no sense, lost the whole plot and now impossible to get hold of? Well, Clive Barker recently found his VHS copies of the original footage that was thought lost. The film has been painstakingly reconstructed and re-edited to reflect the original vision. This "rough cut" is apparently really fucking brilliant, and pisses all over that shambles that was originally hacked to pieces for the original 1990 release. Obvs, as the extra footage is from Clive Barkers personal VHS collection, it's not great picture quality. However, turns out the "lost" footage isn't lost at all - Morgan Creek are still in possession of it! A negotiation has been agreed for them to release the footage for an uncut special Blu-Ray release... as long as they don't have to pay to produce it. WATCH THIS SPACE!! |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| 01 mar 2013 | The Vibrators Norwich Arse Centre |
| 06 Mar 2013 | Halestorm Support by In This Moment and Sacred Mother Tongue Norwich WhatACunt |
| 18 Mar 2013 | Deicide Norwich WhatACunt |
| 20 Mar 2013 | Stiff Little Fingers Support by The Men They Couldn't Hang and Ed Tudor Pole Norwich WhatACunt |
| 21 Mar 2013 | Clannad Norwich UEA |
| 21 Mar 2013 | The Selector Norwich WhatACunt |
| 30 Mar 2013 | Resistanz Corporation, Sheffield |
| 31 Mar 2013 | Resistanz Corporation, Sheffield |
| 25 Mar 2013 | The Stranglers Norwich UEA |
| 05 Apr 2013 | Kate Nash Norwich Arse Centre |
| 26 Apr 2013 | Violet Violet Norwich Arse Centre |
| 30 Apr 2013 | Marcella Detroit Norwich Arse Centre |
| 02 May 2013 | OMD English Electric Tour, supported by John Foxx And The Maths Ipshit Regent |
| 03 May 2013 | Simple Minds Norwich UEA |
| 16 May 2013 | Then Jericho Norwich WhatACunt |
| 28 May 2013 | Depeché Mode The O2, Londinium |
| 05 Jun 2013 | Pout At The Devil Norwich WhatACunt |
| 15 Jun 2013 | Blondie Theford Forest Support by The Lightning Seeds |
| 18 Dec 2013 | Fields of the Nephilim/The Mission O2 Academy, Brixton |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Made Glorious The March Violets New Album! |
| ?? Mar 2013 | Depeché Mode New Album |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Fields of the Nephilim New Album! They were actually in the studio recording New Material on 9th Dec 2012!! |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| 12 Feb 2013 | Aliens: Colonial Marines |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Animal Crossing 3Ds |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Necroscope: The Möbius Murders Lumley, Brian |
| 01 Jan 2013 | Sisterhood of Dune Herbert, Brian & Anderson, Kevin J. |
| ?? Feb 2013 | Blake's 7: Warship Anghelides, Peter. Expansion of the AudioDrama (eBook only). Fills in the gap beween series 2 & 3 (Episodes Star One and Aftermath) |
| 13 May 2013 | Blood of Dragons Hobb, Robin |
| ?? May 2013 | Blake's 7: Lucifer Darrow, Paul Picks up where the series left off - what happened to Avon! |
| 18 Jun 2013 | The Ocean At The End Of The Lane Neil Gaiman New novel for adults |
| ?? ??? ???? | The Chickens of Atlantis and other Foul and Filthy Fiends Rankin, Robert |
| ?? ??? ???? | The Crow Shirley, John. New graphic Mini-series, set in Tokyo |
| ?? ??? ???? | The Sandman Neil Gaiman - Yes, Neil is writing a new Sandman! This will cover the events Morpheus mentioned prior to his capture by Burgess. From Neil himself: "When I finished writing The Sandman, there was one tale still untold. The story of what had happened to Morpheus to allow him to be so easily captured in The Sandman #1, and why he was returned from far away, exhausted beyond imagining, and dressed for war. It was a story that we discussed telling for Sandman's 20th anniversary... but the time got away from us. And now, with Sandman's 25th anniversary year coming up, I'm delighted, and nervous, that that story is finally going to be told," |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| ?? Feb 2013 | Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #3 The Armageddon Storm Features original cast members Paul Darrow, Michael Keating, Jan Chappel and Tom Chabdon reprising their roles as Kerr Avon, Vila Restal, Cally and Del Grant |
| ?? Feb 2013 | Retromancer Robert Rankin adaptation in 13 half-hour episodes. To be aired on BBC Radio Feb 2013 |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #4 TBA |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #5 TBA |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #6 TBA |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| ?? Feb 2013 | Black Mirror (Series 2) Showing in UK on: Channel 4 |
| ?? Mar 2013 | Grimm (Series 2.2) Episodes 13-22. Showing in UK on: Watch |
| 30 Mar 2013 | Dr Who Easter Special Showing in UK on: BBC1 |
| 01 Apr 2013 | Game Of Thrones (series 3) Series three to be A Storm Of Swords, Part 1 |
| ?? Apr 2013 | Defiance Showing in UK on: SyFy post alien invasion fightback |
| Spring 2013 | In The Flesh Zombies redefined as "people with a medical condition" and home to their families. |
| Summer 2013 | Stephen King's Under The Dome Serialised into 13 parts |
| Autumn 2013 | S.H.I.E.L.D. Joss Whedon's telly spin-off from The Avengers (Assemble) |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell Showing in UK on: BBC1 Adaptation of Susanna Clarke's novel |
| ?? ??? ???? | A.L.F. Yes, they're bringing back ALF from 1980s Melmak… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Amazon Reboot of Wonder Woman with a new origins story… renaming Diana Prince as Iris… |
| ?? ??? ???? | American Gods HBO mini series being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Produced by Tom Hanks. |
| ?? ??? ???? | Bates Motel Psycho: Norman Bates, The Early Years… oh dear… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Blake's 7 Picked up by SyFy |
| ?? ??? ???? | Dracula 10 part series featuring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as The Count |
| ?? ??? ???? | Exorcist: The Beginning Spin-off series |
| ?? ??? ???? | Gotham |
| ?? ??? ???? | Journey To The West 13 part serial being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Probably better known as Monkey! in the UK |
| ?? ??? ???? | Neighbours A family move into a new neighbourhood, where the residents are all aliens… |
| ?? ??? ???? | New Nabors A family's neighbours turn out to be The Muppets! What's not to like!! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Once Upon A Time (Series 2) Showing in UK on: Fi5e |
| ?? ??? ???? | 666 Park Avenue Showing in UK on: ITV2 |
| ?? ??? ???? | Space 2099 Yes, they're rebooting Gerry Anderson's Space 1999 in a new century… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Star Wars: Underworld |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| ?? ??? 2012 | [●REC]4: Apocalypse |
| ?? ??? 2012 | Exists Sasquatch hunts humans. From the people who brought you The Blair Witch Project. Oh dear. |
| ?? ??? 2012 | Bill & Ted #3 |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Day of the Triffids Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi producing |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Dominion: Dinosaurs vs Aliens Barry Sonnenfield directing Grant Morrisson's adap of his graphic novel |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Dracula Eli Roth directing Russell Crowe as Drac… |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Frank I thought it was just a rumour when it was announced last year. What? Michael Fassbender as Frank Sidebottom? As if! Turns out… it's actually being filmed! Loosely based on Frank Sidebottom and the memoirs of the Oh Blimey Big Band. I noticed they've remodelled Frank's head - very different eyes and mouth, but clearly Sydie. I just hope Michael Fassbender can pull off a Timperley accent! |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Girl Who Played With Fire David Fincher's remake of the 2nd Millenium Movie |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Human Centipede III: Final Sequence Yes, it's been scripted and the cast signed on to reprise their HC2 roles… |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Last Voyage of The Demeter The bit in Dracula where The Count travels in his coffin from Transylvania to England. Expanded into a movie with Viggo "Aragorn, son of Arathorn" Mortensen |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Pride and Prejudice... and Zombies |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Rentaghost: The Movie Russell Brand has been replaced by Ben Stiller as Fred Mumford |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Short Circuit Remake. Oh Mr Johnny Five, this good news, no? |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Stephen King's The Stand Remake - latest is that it may be split into several films or another mini-series. |
| ?? ??? 2013 | Suspiria Back on again (probably without Natalie Portman now) |
| ?? ??? 2014 | Crimson Peak Guillermo Del Toro scary stuff |
| ?? ??? 2014 | Godzilla Warner Brothers reboot. Again. |
| ?? ??? 2014 | Jurassic Park 4 Kicking off a new trilogy… oh dearie me… |
| ?? ??? 2014 | The Night Stalker Johnny Depp as Kolchak in the film adap of the series |
| ?? ??? 2014 | Pinocchio Guillermo del Toro directing |
| ?? ??? 2014 | Woman in Black: Angels of Death Hammer's [unnecessary] sequel to The Woman In Black set 20 years later… |
| ?? ??? 2014 | Zorro Reborn "The Fox" is rebooted! |
| Summer 2015 | Justice League |
| ?? ??? 2015 | Avatar 2 |
| ?? ??? 2015 | Doctor Who David "Harry Potter" Yates taking it on |
| ?? ??? 2015 | Star Wars: Episode VII JJ Abrams to direct. George Lucas has written the first draft of the screenplays for parts 7, 8 & 9… |
| ?? ??? 2016 | Angry Birds 3D YES! An animated movie about the recovery of eggs from thieving porkers by temper infused avians! |
| ?? ??? 2017 | Star Wars: Episode VIII |
| ?? ??? 2019 | Star Wars: Episode IX |
| ?? ??? ???? | 20,000 leagues Under The Sea David Fincher directing. Starts Brad Pitt |
| ?? ??? ???? | Abarat Adap of books 1 & 2 of Clive Barker's series. To be produced once books 3 & 5 published. |
| ?? ??? ???? | The Amazing Spider-Man 3 |
| ?? ??? ???? | Assassins Creed Michael Fassbender to star as Altair |
| ?? ??? ???? | Atlantis Rising Comic book adap - may be a miniseries? |
| ?? ??? ???? | Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Remake in development! Possibly late 2012, or sometime in 2013. |
| ?? ??? ???? | Avatar 3 |
| ?? ??? ???? | Avatar 4 Only a possibility of Avatar 4 at moment |
| ?? ??? ???? | Batman Reboot (for a change!). Apparenly, due to the Avengers success, this one is to begin setting up a JLA movie. |
| ?? ??? ???? | Beetlejuice 2 Tim Burton back at the helm, and Michael Keaton now signed on to reprise role as Beetlejuice! Written by Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, etc |
| ?? ??? ???? | Blade Runner 2 No prequel, and Harrison Ford WON'T be in it… unless Ridley decides he can have a brief cameo. |
| ?? ??? ???? | Boy Scouts vs Zombies Jesus. It gets worse… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Carpe Diem: The Adventures of a Demon Hunting Soccer Mom With a title like that, I gotta see it! |
| ?? ??? ???? | The Crow Legal details now resolved, so reboot going ahead. Can't see this being an improvement on the original. |
| ?? ??? ???? | Enormous André "TrollHunter" Øvredal adapting the comic strip for film, webisodes and TV… hold on… weren't they doing that with The Dark Tower? Looks where that's ended up - dropped into Limbo… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Evangelion Live action. Embroid in legal wrangles. |
| ?? ??? ???? | Fantastic Four Reboot… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Flight of the Navigator Remake of the '80s classic |
| ?? ??? ???? | Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest Remake of the 3rd Millenium Movie |
| ?? ??? ???? | The Graveyard Book Henry Selick adapting another Neil Gaiman book. |
| ?? ??? ???? | Heaven Sent Guillermo Del Toro's answer to the Justice League and Avengers movies, but with DC/Vertigo characters Deadman, The Spectre, Alec Holland, John Constantine, The Stranger, Zatanna, Zatara, Sargon and Etrigan the Rhyming Demon. From the title and characters, could be A Murder Of Crows from Saga Of The Swamp Thing? |
| ?? ??? ???? | Hellboy 3 Guillermo Del Toro has started work on it! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Hellraiser In development |
| ?? ??? ???? | Here There Be Monsters 18th Century sea monster stuff |
| ?? ??? ???? | Highlander Reboot up again… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Hulk 3 |
| ?? ??? ???? | I Am Legend 2 How can he be a legend again? Oh, he wasn't in the first film either… JUST MAKE "I AM LEGEND" PROPERLY! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Stephen King's 'IT' Back on again! Cary Fukunaga relaces David Kajganich as writer, and becomes director. Also, it's being split into 2 movies (like the mini-series, then!) |
| ?? ??? ???? | Jitters Giant killer insects… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Legend of Conan As if Rocky Balboa and John J. Rambo's decrepit outings of an ancient weren't enough OAP porn for ya, Arnie returns in Conan: The Old Gimmer or some such! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Little Shop Of Horrors Remake of the Musical version, developed by (and starring) Joseph Gordon-Levitt |
| ?? ??? ???? | Logan's Run Rumour is the remake's back on again… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Masters Of The Universe Prince Adam of Eternia returns as He-Man! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Monsters: Dark Continent Sequel to Monsters. As of the original borefest wasn't enough tedium for anyone, they want to bore us to death again! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Monty Python's… Untitled tale of aliens giving superpowers to a human for laughs. All the remaining Pythons… except, of course, Eric Idle who's refusing at the moment. |
| ?? ??? ???? | The Mummy Part of Universal's 100 year celebrations, another reboot |
| ?? ??? ???? | Myst Right. Latest is that there were… disagreements... on how to proceed. Those set on adapting The Book Of Ti'ana, and who though that wasn't a good introduction to Myst and wanted a new direction. Acrimonious splits ensued. When film the rights came to the end of the option period, a second lease was refused, and the option has been passed to Delve Films. Amongst the bitching, the film is slowly being developed again... but I wouoldn't hold my breath if I were me! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Necroscope FX Artist Glenn Hetrick (one of the judges on SyFy channel's "Face Off") has announced he is working on the project! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Neuromancer Adap of William Gibson novel |
| ?? ??? ???? | Night Of The Living Tim Burton & Seth Grahame-Smith developing |
| ?? ??? ???? | Paranormal Activity 6 |
| ?? ??? ???? | Poltergeist Sam Raimi remaking |
| ?? ??? ???? | Prometheus 2 Script now being written… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Shadow of the Colossus Adaptation of the game |
| ?? ??? ???? | Tape 4 Some Lovecratian terror! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Time After Time Remake of the 80s classic - Jack The Ripper escapes to modern times in HG Wells Time Machine, chased by… HG Wells himself! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Timecrimes US Remake of the Spanish classic |
| ?? ??? ???? | Triplets! Sequel to Twins! Schwarzenegger and DeVito discover their long-lost Brother (Eddie Murphy)… Recently confirmed by DeVito as actually being in development. Oh dear…. |
| ?? ??? ???? | Tron 3 Confirmed by Bruce Boxleitner! |
| ?? ??? ???? | Two Worlds Colliding Michael Hutchence/INXS biopic |
| ?? ??? ???? | Van Helsing Reboot, with Tom Cruise as Van Helsing… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Venom Spidey-Man spin off |
| ?? ??? ???? | Videodrome Remake back on the table… |
| ?? ??? ???? | Wayne's World 3 Mike Myers has written a first draft… |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| IN LIMBO | Akira Production once again halted… |
| IN LIMBO | At The Mountains Of Madness Guillerro Del Toro's plans are ruined. Ridley Scott's Prometheus is more-or-lese the same concept. |
| IN LIMBO | Chrome Pendragon Pictures sci-fi flick |
| IN LIMBO | Stephen King's The Dark Tower Dropped (again!). Hoping to be picked up by another company… |
| IN LIMBO | Forbidden Planet Remake written & directed by Babylon 5's J. Michael Straczynski |
| IN LIMBO | Ghostbusters 3 Officially dead. Bill Murray has said NO WAY, and unless he's on board, there will be no movie |
| IN LIMBO | Good Omens Gaiman/Pratchett movie adaptation to be directed by Terry Gilliam |
| IN LIMBO | Hawk The Hunter Sequel to Hawk The Slayer, currently awaiting funding. |
| IN LIMBO | Hawk The Destroyer Final in the Hawk trilogy. Presumably waiting for funding, or after Hawk The Hunter |
| IN LIMBO | Hallowe'en Reboot on hold, whilst they concentrate on he Hellraiser remake |
| IN LIMBO | Hallowe'en III 3D Either a remake of the Nigel Kneale Silver Shamrock version, or a sequel to Rob Zombie's crapfest |
| IN LIMBO | Mockingbird Lane Remake of The Munsters. CANCELLED AFTER THE PILOT. PILOT MAY NOT BE SCREENED OUTSIDE THE US. ALL OTHER DEVELOPMENT ON HOLD. |
| IN LIMBO | Neverwhere Gaiman movie adaptation awaiting a director |
| IN LIMBO | Power of the Dark Crystal Sequel to The Dark Crystal Back on hold as of 21 Feb 2012, as OmniLab cut all funding due to the failure of their crap film 'The Killer Elite'. The Henson Group may speak to them later in 2012 about further development, or seek a new partner, or can the whole project. Again. |
| IN LIMBO | Sandman Gaiman TV Series adaptation awaiting a suitable director - Eric Kripke (Supernatural) was promising, but eventually turned down. |
| IN LIMBO | Tripods, The Movie adaptation of the trilogy, re-set in America. |
| IN LIMBO | Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, Teresa Banks And The Last Seven Days Of Laura Palmer Remastered DVD/Blu-Ray with deleted scenes |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
| 28 Jan 2013 | V/H/S |
| 28 Jan 2013 | Resident Evil: Retribution |
| 28 Jan 2013 | Paranorman |
| 28 Jan 2013 | Looper |
| 22 Jan 2013 | Dead Sushi |
| 18 Jan 2013 | Monsters Inc. 3D |
| 24 Jan 2013 | Blake's 7: Warship Released a month early! |
| 21 Jan 2013 | Adam Ant Is the Blueblack Hussar in Marrying the Gunner's Daughter |
| 14 Jan 2013 | Dredd |
| 11 Jan 2013 | Les Misérables |
| 08 Jan 2013 | Primeval: New World |
| 04 Jan 2013 | Texas Chainsaw 3D |
| 25 Dec 2012 | Dr Who Xmas Special |
| Jump to section: | Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month --- |
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