Not so long back, I advised you about being published in Online Magazine 'Lhyme' to promote a recipe for the British classic dessert Spotted Dick, fused with the musical genius of Margaret J.
It would appear that one the Pretties of my overseas harem hath been hit with undeserved snipey bitchiness from the Overall Editor as regards tweaking some text as regards David 'Buoy' ( see here) and The Cure.
In a fit a pique, my Lady Doom was purged from all records.
And by association, it would appear the ignoramus has also removed all my carefully crafted perfect prose!
This is blasphemy of the highest order! I am THE Xym - how dare any mundane misery deny the populace the Words Of Xym? Outrageous!
However, this does leave me free to revise, improve and extend my somewhat restrained review! So, without any further Agadoo or pushing pineapples up yer bum, here is my commentary upon Pop Tart Margaret J, with accompanying VD-dye-oh:
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So, you teen girls know how embarassing parents can be (as my Niece Jess can attest!), however it's come to something when your parents turn into The Dentons and insist on Nude Day to celebrate your Dad's birthday, and they berate you for not denuding yourself.
After all, it's only a nudie poolside BBQ for your dad's birthday, including all their friends and neigbours.
So you take yourself off into your bedroom, to avoid seeing everybody's exposed 'Barbarellas" and "Godzillas" that are being invited into your pantyhose (or tights, if your not American. Possibly leggings). Which would probably make you a hermaphrodite. or something.
And for that she thanks you very much. Or spanks her furry muff. probably.
So you decide to brave the party, but not naked, obvs. The kitchen is filled with grizzled, wrinked, sagging, obese oldies, so you sit on the sofa in the living room with all the hot young kidz.
And isn't it just your luck to sit right by the man from the BBC1 dancing alongside, waving his way below knee-lenth wang about the place and almost whipping your face with it. Yet another oversized weapon of mass distraction!
And then there's the cutting of the cake - at least it isn't your birthday, so you don't have to have any, seeing as any "hundreds and thousands" and "chocolate sprinkles" on top are probably moulted pubes, dried arse shit, diseased skin and crabs.
And then it's dancing time for everyone, and there's no better way to celebrate than to be accosted by a great fat nudie pædo who presses you into his sweaty moobs.
Barbarella? More like fucking Blubberella doing them high kicks. Flash the gash with yer lardy labia. And fat pædo punches to clear a space so you can all adore his Adonis physique.
And out by the pool, some poor bloke is grilling his sausage as Marge sits there singing about biting it on the end...
...before the manly men man up for some manly wrestling...
...hold on... didn't Jimmy Savile start out as a professional wrester? Now then, now then, jingle jangle, pearl necklace jewellery. No wonder Margaret didn't want to party in her nuddy suit.
And to cap it all, after avoiding a facefull of phallus from the token Person Of Color With Obligatory Massive Cock, someone's semi cock-knocks her Coke out of her hand! And because she's in the middle of a nudie-fest, and doesn't want to go about all underagey undressed, she's now stuck with a damp & sticky gusset. For all the wrong reasons. Probably. or something.
And then you're invited back inside, to be compressed against the clammy flesh of the family, as the bespectacled grandparents poke and pinch at you. More worrying is that the baldy bloke looks suspiciously like he would be more at home in a PVC Nazi uniform.
And after all that effort they put into pixellation, at 2:40, some brazen trollop is presenting her shaven pussy to the camera. Or it could be a beaver. Heck, it could be anything - it just looks like some hairless hellbeast (immediately followed by a REALLY creepy look from the fat pædo).
How come I never get invited to parties like this?
Original published version:
Salutations gastro-gnomes! For mine debut, one hath been tasked with checking out the latest teen sensation, the Pop Pixie known as Margaret J with her equally debut single "Thank You Very Much". A tune that deals with the harsh brutalities of adolescence and being embarrassed by your parents:
To whit; being forced to attend a naturist party for your dad's birthday with all his nudie neighbours. A horrific soirée of skyclad Barbarellas & Godzillas as you get told off by your mum for not denuding yourself.
Where Rebecca Black's "Friday" called for ear sealant, this pop tart's visual accompaniment will have you reaching for the eye bleach! How can one compete with Robin #Thicko's "Blurred Lines" topless models & Miley Cyrus's twerkage? Why, by surrounding the dodgily aged popstress with great fat hairy nudie dancing old folk like a rather dodgy pædo party!
Which it CLEARLY ISN'T. A minute into the video, and there's nothing more natural than to subject your offspring to a waving wang, but you know what they say "Oop Norf o' t'England" - Once tha's 'ad black puddin' fer t'breakfast, tha'll never go back. or summat.
Spotted dick? No! Thank you, pixelation. Thank You Very Much
