Many people are up in arms about the redistribution of wealth
Then they forget about their arms, and move up to the bonce, and want to put a cap on benefits.
Probably a flat cap, with a whippet on top.
"It's not fair that Scummy Mummies get £1m per child on benefits!" they say.
"It's not fair that Asylum seekers get given a £10m mansion to house their pet cat!" they say.
"It's not fair that a wealthy Banker can get a tax-free Brucie Bonus and hide it in their wife's Caymans to avoid tax" they say.
And when they say Caymans, they probably mean her ample busom. Because as all men know, when women get a wad of cash, they stuff it into their bra.
Which is probably a better chestfiller than them exploding jugsacks they're moaning about having implanted.
Anyhoo, I don't give a toss about the redistribution of wealth - I'm more for Pretties giving me a toss in the redistribution of sex.
Now, I'm no oil painting. True, Pretties flee before my troll-like visage and behemoth belly, but I would like to think¹ I was marginally more attractive than the average facially repellant fodder on the Jeremy Kyle show.
An endless parade of gap-toothed, manky haired, beautifically disadvangated ogres & gnomes ravaged by time and fags. Ancient druggie hag crones and abusive drunken inbred knuckle dragging illiterate gorilla gormsters. And what do they all have in common?
I'll tell you what they all have in common!
A life of non-stop shaggery that they're bragging about on the telly, that's what!!
Even to the point that they get through so many promiscuous slagbuckets, by a process of elimination they eventually end up accidentally nobbing their brother².
It's not fair! There's me, abhorrent to look upon, with no Pretty daring to touch my bargepole with their... well, any part of their anatomy, really. And then there's these deformed gargoyles with more sexual partners you can shake a shitty cock at!
Goddamn thieving sterotypical chavscum - no wonder I can't bag meself a Pretty - they've all been nicked by these kobolds living off the council and getting paid benefits to have The Sex! It's DNA test here, lie detector there, all humping each other on The FaceBukakke.
Redistribute the sex, I say! Limit these uglyfied dwelllers of the dark with a face for radio to 1 Pretty apiece, and free up some of these rampant Pretties³ for the rest of us!
Quick - where's my can of vocal emissions of orgasmic pleasure from Egyptian ruler Two Wank Cum Oon (or was it Wankh Xym or Nuun. Probably Never Titty, in my case...)? I think I need to douse my self in that there Pharaoh Moan before I goes out next...
¹ WELL, XYM. YOU MAY LIKE TO THINK THAT - DOESN'T MAKE IT TRUE THOUGH, YOU FAT UGLY PORKBUCKET!
² THE JEREMY KYLE SHOW, 24TH JAN 2012, 9:30AM ITV1. "I'M IN A GAY SEXUAL RELATIONSHIP... BUT AM I SLEEPING WITH MY BROTHER?"
(SPOILER: DNA TEST SHOWED YES, HE WAS BUMMING HIS LONG-LOST HALF-BROTHER HE DIDN'T KNOW HE HAD.)
³ ALTHOUGH 'PRETTIES' IS NOT THE WORD FOR MOST OF THESE KYLE SHOW SHAGABOUTS - BUT HEY, BEGGARS CAN'T BE CHOOSERS.
AND I'M BEGGING...
