Show us your cross... show us you're cross.. no...? Well, up yours pal!
See, there was a discussion goings on. One of them there Christians asked if there was a Christian Society at work, and of course it descended into questionable questionability!
Now, much has been made of the banning of crosses in the workplace.
For a start off, they're too big, and jam the revolving doors. Not to mention all the blood dripping off their wrists¹ into my vended coffee cup and despoiling my chocomilk.
Of course, I jest, for they're talking about wearing a miniature crucifix, emblazoned with a mutilated messiah², around their neck. Now, I'm not one for scripture, but I'm pretty sure That There Bible sez:
"Thou shalt not make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth:Thou shalt not bow down thyself to them, nor serve them."
So, unless Jesus was a very bad boy and went Downstairs, graven images (that's any physical replicated image of the subject) of heavenly Jesus are forbidden. So, by wearing one, you're endorsing the making of them, and therefore committing a sin. Not to mention bowing at the altar before a great big image of The Big J (Jessie J, or just a great big Jessie?).
So, even ignoring the fact that Christians should not be wearing the cross according to their religion, they get all uppity when told they can't wear it. But even if they were allowed to wear a mutilated Christ on a cross, dangling just above a grindey slashey mangley machine ready to catch it and pull them down to their doom, they get all up in arms³ complaining about Satanists wearing a pentacle with a desecrated Christ on it!
My bible must be incomplete. I can't find the verse that reads:
"I, the LORD thy God, am a jealous God. Although... thou knowest that the LORD is all, like, well jel and shit, yeah, like, forget the craven image bit, like, and, sorta, thou knowest, like, whizz up some bling wot looks like the LORD, yeah. Thou's like, gotta wear it, yeah,all the time or sumfink. Oh, and vajazzle thy minge with holy icons of the LORD. For, like, thou never know, yeah, the LORD might make a booty call, yeah, like what the LORD did with that bang tidy Mary. She was well up for it, and now Joseph thinks he's the dad, and the LORD is like, no way, she's my bitch an' shit, so he drags the LORD onto Jeremiah Kyle for "I thought I begat Jesus - now she says it might be Gods baby!" DNA testing, and the LORD is, like, whatevs, she just a ho I banged in a golden shower. She a right slag innit. Swear down man, fuck that shit and wear your bling at all times or the LORD will reign the vengeance of eternal fire, or a Tsnumani (oi, Noah and yet pet whale - like, build an ark, and I'll waive beastiality as a sin until ye waters subside). Or at least pop a cap in yo' ass."
Any why is it always Christian god-botherers who moan? BAN THAT SATANIST FILTH! SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED, WEARING A PENTACLE OF PROTECTION! The Satanists have images of The Devil! Lucifer himself, shagging a virgin! What? No, that's nothing like God shagging the virgin Mary! Satanist iconography is like Mick Hucknell shagging Susan Boyle. Our, decent, Christian faith is more like Johnny Depp (swoon) shagging the sweet, virginal Britney Spears behind Justin trousersnake's back... or Draco Malfoy, no - Hagrid humping Hermione Granger behing Ron Weasley's back!
Tell you what, let them Christians have their cross around their neck...
...as long as them Pagan pretties have to perform their skyclad Drawing Down Diana nudie rites in the office of a lunchtime... I'll happily join in with the fertilitying!
¹ ASSUMING THEY'VE GONE THE WHOLE HOG AND USED BIBLICALLY CORRECT NAILS, AND NOT THAT NEW-FANGLED NO-MORE-NAILS FROM B&Q.
² HOLES IN BOTH HANDS AND FEET, A GREAT RENT IN HIS SIDE FROM BEING STABBED UP BY LONGINUS'S OVERSIZED WEAPON, GREAT BLOODY STRIPEY WELTS ALL OVER HI BACK FROM THE LASHES, AND THORNY CUTS AND ABRASIONS ALL OVER HIS NOGGIN. HOW MUCH MORE MUTILATORY CAN YOU GET!
³ WELL, THEY WOULD, IF THEY COULD GET THEIR ARMS WEREN'T NAILED DOWN TO A COUPLE OF BITS OF MDF FROM HOMEBASE
