With the rising of the Flood Waters due to all the reservoirs overspilling coz no-one's using their hopespipes to keep the deluge within reasonable limits, those nefarious fisherfolk are on the prowl.
Seems The Police have put out a warning about the dangers of door-to-door skate, sole and shark sellers!
Now, I'm no expert, but surely even I would think something was a bit dodge when a salesbloke turns up and tries to flog me "fresh" fish in the middle of the street on a hot spring day!
The smell of felonious floundering flounders and capering capers would be a hint that there's something fishy about the these purveyors of pollock!
Cod Almighty, I've haddock up to eel with cretinous gobshites who gullibly buy guppies on doorsteps then complain to Anne Robinson on Watch Dogfish about their own stupidity!
"I answered the door, and there was a bloke in fishermans waders. He showed me a fishing license so see seemed legit. After purchasing the rank, steaming pile of sun warmed foul fisheries, I fried it up for me tea and was violently ill. I think it's a disgrace people are allowed to flog fish door-to-door, and then I stupidly end up buying bream"
I mean, honestly, how thick do you have to be to pay £900 for £150 of substandard fish just coz some bloke in fishermans waders turns up on your doorstep with a hamper of haddock!
I'm netting me a trunk of trout to lug around Catton in the hot day sun. Fed on bicycle tyres, trollies, singular boots and inebriated drunken revellers - they're a right catch of the day!
Ooooh - forget that! I'm off down Riverside (motherfecker) to see if I can fish out hungover Pretties in flimsy white blouses and pelmet skirts who took a drunken dive into the drink!
Hero Xym to the Baywatch rescue!
I'll need a pair of red knickers though. And knowing my luck any bobbing babes will end up drownded in the time it takes for me to take a slow motion run along the gravel path, moobs a-bouncing.
I think I'll stick to flogging fish.
Which probably amounts to the same thing, if you know what I mean, and if you do, then let me know, coz I don't, although I think it's safe to say it's probably vaguely naughty concerning pissed wet strumpets.
Or something...
