Ooooh, me poor bonce! Headachey headachey!
Poor Xym - finally got a hangover, have we?
No - I wasn't even out last night. I spent last night trying to watch the 98 minute documentary Room 237.
It took 4 hours.
Now, you all know The Xym - I know my conspiracy theorems! Aliens up at Groom Lake, man never went to the moon, Stamp Gnomes thieving all my possessions, tunnelling Tibetans trying to drag Xym off to Pay The Price in the Underground City of Shamballa for revealing the secrets of the Illuminati and our Lizard Overlords in human suits.
You know the kind of thing - the kind of thing that makes people say "Xym, you're weird. and mental. and scary to be around coz you think the sky is infested with 100ft wide invisible jellyfish that cause lightning bolts with their electric tentacles. And Rods. Multitude of multi-limbed Rods, swimming through the aquasphere with an Emu on the end of each arm and feeding off the hedge-hopping hogs."
Anyhoo - if you thought some of my ramblings were obscure, it pales into insignificance against the ravings of the mentals in Room 237!
Now, Room 237 is a sort of documentary, on the hidden secrets of Stanley Kubrik's movie version of The Shining. Of course, we all know Kubrik filled his films with subliminals and multiple narratives and dual meanings, etc. But I suspect some of these Special Needs people are reading too much into it.
"Oooh look! When Jack Torrance is in the big locker, there's a tub of Calument baking powder. That means that this whole film is about The West's genocide of the Native Americans! When the blood comes out of the elevators, it's meant to represent the slaughter all all the indians! And there's more..."
"Oooh look! See that typewriter - it's German! That's because this film represents the Holocaust. If you watch Schindler's List, it opens with Typewriters, because the Nazi's used typewriters! And if you're anal - you'll see the number 42 every where! Room 237 with the dead woman? 2 x 3 = 6, and 6 * 7 = 42, and World War 2 was in... 1942! And remember when Jack used the Big Bad Wolf line to Wendy? Well, Walt Disney was a racist, and the wolf that terrorised the pigs represents a Jew, so Jews are evil as is the wolf, and therefore Jack is a Nazi masquerading as a wolf because it's a masquerade ball! Note the dissolve from luggage to people - like the discarded suitcases in Auschwitcz. And Danny climbing into that metal cupboard to hide - that's a jew being shoved into the ovens!"
"Oooh look! This film is all about bears and greek tragedy all woven together! See that picture of a skier as they enter The Overlook? That's no skier - if you look closely, you'll see it's actually a Minotaur! No, really - look! And there's a Labyrinth outside, which makes Jack the Minotaur. Note how he pulls that mental face, head down but eyes looking up - just like a Minotaur! And he stays in the hotel because the Labyrinth is the hotel, and the Labyrinth outside isn't a Labyrinth - it's a hidden Mayan Calandar!"
"Oooh look! Notice how Danny wears an Appollo 11 jumper? Well, that's to tell you that Stanly Kubrick faked the moon landing film! That's not to say we never went there (you'd have to be mad to think that!), but the moon footage was so poor from radiation, that NASA got Kubrik to re-shoot it. In advance. Note how he rants at Wendy - that's not Jack yelling at Wendy - that is literally Stanley Kubrik confessing to his wife how he faked it! He had to do it that way to get around the official secrets act, and he was sick of her nagging him, so this was the only way he could confess without it looking like confessing! Notice the key says ROOM N° 237 - why a ° instead of a 0? Because it's an anagram of MOON ROOM!"
What. The. Utter. Fuck?
I had to keep rewinding to (a) confirm what bollocks I'd just heard, and (b) see what bollocks they were talking about, and (c) finally realise that the bollocks they're spouting is total bollocks!
"Watch this segment. Step through frame by frame... there! For one frame, they've painted in Kubrik's face as part of the clouds as a subliminal image!"
No! Buggery fuck NO! There is no fucking airbrushed manipulation of the clouds into Kubrik's face in that frame. Or the ones before or after. What the fuck you talking about, you gobshite!
And that Minotaur cunningly hidden as a skier on the poster. Fuck no - it's a fucking skier! It's got no cunting horns you senile old trout! It's a bloke, in a ski jacket, ski trousers, goggles, and skis. It's not a twatting Minotaur you retard!
And Room N° isn't an anagram of Moon Room - there's not enough 'M's or 'O's you tosspiece! Moon room my shitty spotty hairy arsed scrotum!
Yes, they picked up on a couple of actual points - how some so-called "continuity errors" weren't (things were deliberately moved to imply the Hotel was Alive, or Shined). And the Reverse Imagery like what Alan Moore did in Watchmen Chapter 5: Fearful Symmetry.
Fearful Symmetry is a mirror image of itself. Panel 1 is a reverse of the last panel, Panel 2 a reverse of the penultimate one, etc until the two halves meet in the middle. Kubrik did the same with The Shining, in that the first half precisely matches the reverse of the second half. Although it was precisely edited that way, it was never intended to be seen in that format. However, some people have managed to overlay the reverse of the film over the standard play... and it's very clever how Kubrik put it together, and the clues show a lot more about what's going on.
But that was only about 5 mins. 5 mins of actual real stuff which should have had a lot more analysis. But no, I had to sit through 4 hours of utter bollocks, reversing back constantly to check, and finding ever revelation was a pile of pants. That a drunk had vomited on. Then pissed themselves before finally shitting themselves. Then flung in a cupboard and forgot about for a couple of years.
I'm not sure if Room 237 was supposed to be a serious analysis, or just a "lets have a laugh at the mentals!" project. I'm hoping for the latter, as it could not be taken seriously on any level.
And they say I'm mental!
