Friday, 27 September 2013

I can see fish soarin' in the air tonight...

You know when you're a japanese schoolgirl, and your dad is a slave driving sushi chef? Constantly beating and berating you for not fingering the rice properly, and transferring your womanly scent onto the salmon and shrimp slices?

So you run away and become an waitress at an Inn, where it just so happens that a Corrupt Company is visiting to sample the sushi.

And it just so happens that the ex-CEO of that corrupt company is lurking nearby, having been fired for reanimating dead material, about to weak his wewengay upon his former employees. And just how does he do it?

Why, by reanimating a squid, and sending it off to infect the sushi with the reanimatory serum!

And lo, the squid flies off (yes, squid can fly through the air!) and sticks its' suckers onto sushi. The salmon Sushi and the shrimp sushi immediately turn on their non-ichthyan egg-based cousin who flees in terror. Lifting their fish slice topping from the rice and baring their teeth, the sushi cackles in glee!

The sushi epidemic spreads and takes to the skies! Swarms of sushi take to the skies and descend upon their hapless victims. The evil corporate secretary takes a Salmon Roe ikura gunkan-maki to the tongue, before being hit by multiple fish dishes!

Oh noes, the egg sushi has taken refuge in a store cupboard, but before Our Heroine can bash it with a broom... it lifts up it's egg lid and sings her a soothing seranade!

Aww, cute singing sushi! Now Our Heroine has a firm friend on her shoulder, christened "Eggy", whispering words of encouragement in her ear.


But alas, they're locked in... how to escape? Luckily, Eggy has a trick up his Soy Sauced sleeve - it spews acid! A quick vom on the lock to dissolve it, and escape is made!

What's that out of the window... oh 'eck! A Fat Belly Tuna nigiri is humping a Salmon nigiri on a tree... it cums and out of the Salmon nigiri is birthed an unholy shoal of baby sushi!

Whoa - look out! A school of sushi is swarming by! Dive out the way, quick!

Ermagherd! The bite of the sushi is not only lethal (why, a swarm can consume a corpse to a skellington in seconds), but those they do not consume rise up as Rice Zombies! Spewing deadly plumes of rice at their enemies - uh oh - The zombified Inn owners have cottoned on... 

...Husband stands behind wife, turns her to aim... a squeeze of the titties and... FIRE! Blam! Blam! Blam! Busom triggered cannonfire of rice!

What to do? Ah - connect sushi into adjoining sections to form...

...sushi nunchucks!

Twirl! Swirl! Smash a sushi out of the air! 


Run, people, run! Run for the abandoned office...

...as the Ex-Ceo mergers himself with a Tuna nigiri and mutates into...
...part-Man ...part-Tuna ...all psychotic sushi!

Oh, the huge manatee!  (geddit? no? Well, please yerself then!!)


♪ Fish head, fish head, roly-poly fish head! ♫


Run down the trail... "Save yourselves... I'll fend them off and save you!". Ah, but he didn't expect the nigiri mutation. For as the salmon lifts from the rice... a spout comes out and napalms him in the face! Fire beathing sushi!

Meanwhile, back in the safety of the abandonded offices...

...the one uncorrupt salaryman of the corrupt company (and sone of the CEO) is stuffing his face with ramen noodles. Unaware that the ex-CEO and batrachian behemoth hybrid has snuck some roe in with it, thus causing his face to seep fishy noodles out of his cheeks to death.

And if it couldn't get any more mental... the kamikaze sushi bands together to form an arial battleship, replete with sushi cannonfire! Eggy to the rescue! A tiny egg nigiri taking on a huge battleship formed from rice, fish and seaweed strips.

Oh, how can our remaining survivors survive?

Simples - shouting at sushi!

Seems that sushi can't bear being shouted at, and dies on impact with the soundwave. So shout at a cloud of super-sushi, and they drop dead! Fillet off the teeths from the slice of fish, pop the de-fanged treat back on its' bed of rice, and scoff 'em down into your belly!

I started to drift off at that point - they overcame the swarm, then there was an expositiony bit. And then I must've fell asleep, coz I can't remember the actual end, or what happened to fishbloke, Eggy, Our Heroine and her Sensei.

But I suspect that Mr Fish ended up dead for the fourth time, Sensei recovered from his the knife phobia after accidentally killing his wife and taught Our herine how to become a proper Sushi Chef.

But killer sushi though - how awesome is that!