Your beauty is beyond compare
But what's below your pubic hair
FUCK ME - A LEG! JESUS! YOU DEFORMED FREAK!!
The Xym is all of a bemusement.
I thought everyone was aware of bipedal biological structure. For, having a duality of lower limbment to perambulate alone the promenade with, I foolishly believed everyone else was the same.
Apparently, not so.
It began on The Facebook, and now it's all over the news and papers.
Angelina Jolie has a leg.
Shock! Horror! Outrage!
Now, unless I'm missing something, don't most of them there womens have legs? Didn't that ZZ Top Beard sing "Legs! She knows how to use 'em!"?
Unless, of course, what I thought was a leg isn't a leg at all. Perhaps what I thought a leg was (an adjoining limb between hip and foot) is not a leg at all. Perhaps 'legs' are some form of utensil or power tool. Which makes more sense with the ZZ Topps. I thought legs were renown for walking (or seductively crossing with a rasp of silken stocking) - but they had to immortalise in song that a woman KNEW how to use legs. So legs are probably a complicated bit of equipment to complicated for womens. A BBQ or hedge trimmer.
Although why Angelina Jolie would want to take a hedge trimmer to the Oscars is a mystery. Unless it's to trim her bush so there's no spider's legs on show when she flashes her long lithe limbs The Xym formerly knew as legs.
It would be news and suchlike, if someone like Gold Diggah Heather McCartney had a leg. Well, another leg to go replace the singularity of lower limb she currently lacks. And she married a Beatle, and we all know if you lop a limb off a beetle, they grow a new one. So I'm surprised the news isn't about her sawing off Macca's leg in the night and sewing it on her stump.
Unless she's an advocate of the popular cockney pastime of stump-fucking.
Anyhoo - that assumes that Heather's leg is a leg as in what The Xym though a leg was, not a leg in what facebookers and The Press are shocked that Angelina has but shouldn't.
Which makes me wonder about Angelina Ballerina - what does a ballet dancing mouse perform an arabesque on? Can a mouse even perform a peg-'leg' pirouette?
Hells Bells! No wonder everyone thinks I'm odd - I'm the only one who could 'see'!!
All this time, I've been seeing women with legs, but now, people are shocked that a woman has legs. There's only one explanation. Everyone else's minds had been clouded by female telepathy and air looms (ever wondered why Women spent so much time learning embroidery, sewing, tapestry, etc? a-ha!). The women have projected an image of mermaids upon the menfolk, so they only see some scaly-arsed fish-below-the-waist!
And who hasn't heard women complaining about fishy fannies?!
So, it seems their mental net of mermaidian mirage faltered, and people got a true glimpse of womenfolk - with actual legs. Hence the current scandal.
I think I tapped into this feminine hive-mind that bewitches the eyes once. I recall seeing Cher, Winona Ryder and Christina Ricci all fin-tailed and lezzing it up in a bath¹. And also Daryl Hannah splashing about... coincidentally, also all fin-tailed in a bath, but not lezzing it up - as I recall, she was on her own. Probably having a Tom Hanks in the bath².
Exactly why women are making men think they're mermaids, and shocked why it's accidentally revealed they actually have (what The Xym believes are) legs - who knows. No-one understands women. Not even women. So obviously, confounding the populace by pretending they have no legs is typical incomprehensible natural feminine behaviour!
And you can't argue with that!
And even if you do - you're wrong!
¹ ALTHOUGH THIS COULD HAVE BEEN A DREAM. OR WISHFUL THINKING. AND PROBABLY WITHOUT CHER. OR SOMETHING.
² SAME AS FOOTNOTE ¹, REALLY. AND BY TOM HANKS, I MEAN BEAN FLICKING. TINKERING WITH HER TWINKLE. FIDDLING WITH HER FANNY... A TOM HANKS FFS!
