It must be terrible being one of them Womens, having to have that Cosmetic Surgery all the time to get a bootylicious Beyoncé bot.
Seems it's OK for some dodgy Earthbound surgeon to stick tubes up your bunghole to suck the poo out in the name of Colonic Irritation, yet a space monster sticks a probe up yer posterior and there's a hue and outcry!
Anyhoo, one of these surgeons is one of them trans-gender blokes who cross-dresses as a woman.
Or something.
And not only dresses as a something, but has surgically enhanced themselves into a something also!
You'd think the resultant deformity would put people off - after all, if someone makes themselves to look like THAT, then what are they going to do to you?
But this is Florida, where people dream of Disney, and care not one jot for the Frankensteinian constructs they allow to operate on them.
And what does this marvellous surgeon use to gargantuanize the glutes? Silicone? Wobbly gel sacs filled with explosive wobble stuff?
Nah - that's sooooo 2000s - we're in a new decade! This is the future!
A mix of cement, mineral oil, tyre inflator and sealant. That should push the tush to J-Lo levels!
And who uses sutures these days? Sew 'em up, when there's liquid plasters on sale? What's wrong with a tube of Superglue?
Strangely, the grotesquely gluted surgeon is being sued for pumping people pushin' cushions full of... well, I don't know the name of this mixture, so it can only be called Stuff!
Still, could be worse, I guess. I just found out what a pumping party is.
It's not, as I thought, a gatherance of flatus obsessed bumsniffers, nasally partying around cans of beans. Nor is it that bodybuilding stuff where they "pump iron" - which I assume is just a metallic fart brought on by too much baby oil seeping into their joints combined with the tightness of their tiny trunks covering their even tinier todger.
Apparently, a pumping party is another one of them ego-boosting plastic surgery parties. Presumably combined with Anne Summers, as it is rather niche, being a bunch of burly blokes injecting silicone into their schlongs, which causes lung embolisms.
So, any of my mates having a pumping party, or having a self-enhancement session - I don't want to join the party. But while you're down Jewsons or Thorne's, get an extra can of sealant. The bath could do with a new trim.
And if you got any Loctite (or preferably Araldite) left after closing up your incisions, my big boots need another coat of superglueage.
