So make a stand for your Brad, Jolie, whilst you fan yer flange...

Yesturday, there was much furore over Angelina Jolie having legs.

Also, all my troubles seemed so far away. Now it looks as if there here to stay, for there is much Pinterest¹ in the press appertaining in the fact she still has a leg.

After yesturday's bloggage, it occurred to me that most people had probably forgot she had legs, as she is probably more famous for being all nudie-like with Pork Winchester as Grendel's mum. They probably only saw her Golden Globes and lizard tailed ass² as she rose dripping from the water, all moist and glistening mermaid like. 

Anyhoo - turns out that it was not her leg that shocked people - it was the fact she kept randomly sticking it out of her slit³.

Well, there's two obvious explanations here.

First, the knicker elastic on her expensive briefs may have been cutting into the top of her leg, so she had to stretch out that leg to readjust it. Otherwise she'd have to delve her fingers into her pants, and be caught by the Pepperami, to be in a The Sunday Spurt scandal "Flangelina fanny fingerage at the Oscars - we're no longer a grouch!". Probably.

On the other hand, under all them hot lights, it's probably a bit hot. So perhaps she had to spread her legs to get some fresh air in to cool down her sweating snatch. After all, you can't whip out a can of Febreeze on the red carpet for a quick douche. Surely you can't expect her to present a prize with a putrescent pussy, can you.

"Here to present the next award, Angelina Jolie. Those at the front may wish to hold their nose, as her perspiring pungent pubis has resulted in a manky minge due to the lack of sufficient airflow to alleviate her foul fragranced fanny. If only she could spread her leg a bit without ridicule to cool her clit, the sweaty skank!"

Just because to she has to shimmy her leg joints about to reduce the itchyness of thrush, it doesn't warrant top billing in the news.

Still, could be worse. She could've been smearing her slutty slitty slot with vagisil and Rachel's organic yoghurt. Although I think Rachel's Organic Yoghurt is probably a euphamism for fanny batter. Or something.

¹ INTEREST IN PINS. PINS, AS IN THE COLLOQUIAL FOR LEGS. PINS THAT GO RIGHT UP. LONG, LITHE LEGS THAT END IN BIG STILLETTO'D BOOTS.

² ALTHOUGH, ONCE YOU STOP DRAG YOURSELF AWAY FROM OGLING FULLSOME FUNBAGS AND DELECTABLE DERRIÈRE OF GRENDEL'S MILF, YOU NOTICE SHE DOES HAVE LEGS. LEGS THAT END IN HOOVES SUSPICIOUSLY SHAPED LIKE STILLETTOS...

³ I NOTICE THERE'S NO COMPLAINTS ABOUT ANGELINA OPENING HER SLIT FOR THE CAMERAS. WELL, ONE COMPLAINT, AND THAT'S MINE. WHEN PROMISED PICS OF ANGELINA JOLIE PARTING HER SLIT FOR THE CAMERAS ON THE RED CARPET, I WAS EXPECTING SOMETHING TOTALLY DIFFERENT.