Oversized three-lobed burning ocular to brown eye, more like! Never mind them Wateryboys - THEY saw the whole of YOUR moon... and shoved a GPS sensor up it.
You know them abductees - then folks what are whisked up in a shaft of light¹ into a starship² before the space monsters shove things of a probing nature up their bottoms³.
Well, they often claim to have implants inserted so the Pod Perverts From Planet Mars can keep track of them for further future nobbage.
But a strange thing about these so-called implants - they're always in the arm, leg or brain.
Obviously, these tracking devices made from some form of alloy unknown to man transmitting brainwashing plans of world dominatrixtion turn out to be fake, made up of bits of broken Casio calculators and meccano.
Any genuine abductee would know right where the space monsters hid the implants...
... right up the bum, that's where!
Why else use an anal probe, if not to stick a homing device inside the one place you'd rather not have probed!
"But Xym," you cry, "why would a space monster shove a tracking device up the bunghole? Surely it would be most unpleasant to retrieve for data collection. And covered in poo."
Well, firstly, the space monsters don't require rectal retrieval, for the implants transmit data via wifi. However, is such a shitty situation did arise, for example, the abductee going to have their chocolate canal irrigated and risk being flushed out, then they're hardly going to be worried about it being smothered in excrement.
For what's the one thing everyone knows about space monsters (apart from them being green).
They have great big feck-off bug eyes.
And what has bug eyes?
Flies!
And flies are reknown for their gatherance around poo.
And, from what these Travis Walton types say, them space monsters are always abusing rednex for sexual breeding programs. Hence the proboscis up the posterior, injecting their digestive juices up yer ringpiece and glueing a homing beacon to your prostate so they can find you for another night-time foresty bumming amongst the stars.
And now them space monsters Walk Among Us in surgeon suits. Ever heard of a Pretty going off to have implants put in? A-ha! Con the ditzy blonde into thinking she's more prettified by having behemoth bazookas, and the lecherous arse probers have a chance at nork gropeage whilst installing their tractor beam.
A tractor beam being the beam from her headlamps, making Norfolk types think it's an oncoming tractor and getting all aroused.
And by Headlamps, I mean titties.
¹ BILLY-BOB'S TORCH
² J0E-BOB'S SHACK
³ BECAUSE JIM-BOB THINKS THE ABDUCTEE HAS A PURTY MOUTH AND LIKES THE SQUEAL OF PIGGIES AS CLETUS PLAYS SAME 5 NOTES OVER AND OVER AGAIN ON HIS BANJO STRING.
