Farewell the temple master's balls...

Yes, Xym, Master of his own Temple no longer has The Balls for preposterous plumage.

Oh wail and misery!

Remember back in Jan, I promised that in Jun, I would be sporting cold-hearted wall clamberance upon my topiaried topknot, and would saunter about with the following follicle forestry:

However, being in The Trub at work for berating buffoons (see here) and facing The Chop (and not in a scissory trimmage sense either - see here), I suspect it may not be prudent at this juncture to stand out with such a colorful cranial statement.

And I also think it may not be condusive to job interviews either!

On the other hand, I wonder if I do have The Lizard, and I gets turfed out for unprofessional plumage, I wonder if I could sue under flamboyant head warming growth discrimination? Ooooh - us Goffs are like, all protected by law as an endangered species from them culling Chavs and stuff! They can't sack me - that's be a hate crime!

But, better safe than sorry.

So, no lizard for the present moment.

:(

The Abdominal Snowxym...

Ooooh, thought The Xym, one of the Local takeaways is doing Nepalese grubs!

"Oh, here we go! Another round of so-called humourous deliberate misinterpretations about jugs and nipple-ease cuisine" [readers voice]

Au contraire, dear Reader! How little you know me!

Anyhew, I've heard of Nepal,and I was hoping for something different. A Yak's sack saag? A shank of Sherpa in a spicy sauce? A Tikka Tibetean marinaded in meditative madras? Curried kebabs made from chillied Yeti cocks with a lotus flower raita.

No such exotic viands to sample. Bog standard Chicken Lazis, which is probably Tibetean for Chickens with laser eyes. or something,

So I gave it a whirl. Fairly hot, it said. Well, maybe it is if you're sat in naught but a burnt orange saffron robe on a snow laden icy glacier! Mild as mild as mild can be!

On the downside, I know know why them there bell fingered Tripitaka types wear orange clothes.

It's because they keep spilling their tea all over themselves!

Just tipping the poultry dish onto a plate, and my hands and nails were stained an oranger shade of Oompa-Loompa, so imagine if I was sat there in a flimsy white smock, trying to eat a Buddhist Balti whilst precariously balancing a plate on me knee as I stuff me face between chants of Om Mani Padmé Skywalker and dripping Jalfrezi all over me djabelly and smearing my greasy orangey fingers all over it!

Them gee-whore-dy Shore, TOWIE, Valley facial tans? They've just been motorboarding bowls of murgh masaala for that golden hue about their chops!

On the plus side - I could fling it all over the kitchen walls. Not only get a nice terracotta effect, but It'll small all nice and Himalayan kitcheny.

Mmmmmm Himalayan kitcheny... Roasted Sasquatch scrotums & BBQ Bigfoot feets...

Screwdriver! (Cha cha cha cha)...

Oh, to have grown up in the '70s!

I'm currently watching Columbo, as you gotta watch Columbo.

Now, The Murderer has done the deed, and fled in panic to a nightclub to confide in his mate.

As all mates did in the 1970's, he told The Murderer not to worry - he'd help cover it up. He'll go straight to the victims house, hide the evidence, murderer calls he house from the club and the friend will pretend to be the victim. Talk loud on the phone so everyone knows you're talking to "her" and thus secure an alibi.

So far, so good.

Now, the friend drives straight over and gets out of the car and puts on the now legendary Giallo Gloves. AsI sat there, I began to lament the lack of Criminals in Modern Drama who forego the use of Argento famed black leather glovesies. All these crims caught out by Fingerprints, Palmprints and Partials, and all for the want of classic accoutréments to be shown in close up fingering a range of slaughterous tools.

But... oh woe and misery! The gate is barred! How can this man help create an alibi if he can't get in?

He reaches into his suit pocket (as all '70s clubs were Gentlemen's Clubs where you worn a smart suit as you tossed back a stiff one to calm the nerves... or was that the hookers sat at the bar?)

Anyhoo, what does he withdraw from his inner pocket? Did The Murderer slip him the key? No - the unspoilt line of his dapper suit only held a screwdriver!

Yes - someone actually went to a club, and happened to have a handy screwdriver about their person! And not only that, a screwdriver you can reach through a gate, tap the back of a lock, and magically release the gate!

And there was us laughing at the improbability of being expected to have a screwdriver upon us to get into the back room of The Marquee t'other week.

So, next outing, my party paraphernalia needs to consist of not only a screwdriver to open music rooms, but also the Shiny Gloves Of Fetishistic Accoutrément caressment on the off-chance I'm asked to cover up a murder after a few £12 pints and vanilla vodka & cokes.

Anything else I need to acquire?  Asylum should be 1st June, so plenty of time to add to my breaking & entering to either get into clubs or mates houses to preserve their reputation attire...

I'll show you mine if you show me yours...

So sang everyone's favourite denim-clad lady-prechauns.

They also said "Don't blame it on that there weatherbloke"

However, when searching The Interweb for Rachel & Nicki's pop classic (I wish he was like) Michael Fish, you can certainly blame the deviser of keyboard layouts.

For the 'S' and 'D' are some what close, and a search for "Michael Fish Song" could succumb to inappropriate web searches for meteorological presenters phallus's.

Still, could be worse - the weather chap could have been jumper-fetishist Fred Talbot, and no-one wants their pop tracks despoiled by alleged pædo penii on their iTunes!

Especially if it's Penfold lookalike Ian McCaskill's King Dong!

Even worse, The Interweb can then think your lust for weathermans wangers leads to a desire for one of them mash-up thingies - where they sample a suspected salacious celebrity for our amusement, such as that Jimmeh Saveloy and that Jingle Jangle Jewellery track.

Imagine a beat... then in comes something in that dark.. Is that a pistol in your pocket... and a sly "can you tell what it is yet" followed by loads of really breathy uh, uh huh, a-hnng, a huh, uh, ahoo-a, ahum, hah with the occasional "Blow my didgerydoo" all culminating with a Saville sex-scream orgasm cry of "uh-huhr-uh-huhr-uh-huhr! How's about that then!"

That'll learn me for not searching for rival tracks by A Tribe Of Toffos which, by the way, no man would chew, even when he gotta chew. Or something.

How come there's no odes to Weathergirls? Well, I suppose Black Pudding Bertha just about covers the big fat black mommas with their gospel classic "It's raining flasher's in flashermacs" in which they go out, and let their flange get, absolutely soakin' weyyyyyyyt. or something.

But what about Sian Lloyd? Carol Kirkwood? Laura Tobin? Lara Lewington? How come there's no songs about them?

♪ Them Weathergirls on TV arouse
Becky Mantin's see-thru blouse
Lucy Verasamy's tits
Ulrika's cold & pokey nips
Upskirts 'twixt the golden thighs
and shaven haven of Jo Blythe ♫

Something like that - think I got a top ten hit on me hands there!

I thought I saw a Farcebook post...

I thinks I be a-goin' mad!

"Wotcha mean 'thinks', Xym! You're a certifiable loon!"

Oi! Shurrup you! I resemble that remark!

Anyhow, just before we set off for a Team Lunch down The Queen Of Iceni, thought I'd quickly check Farcebook.

Now, you know as t'other week we wuz checking out The Marquee as a potential venue for a new Alternative clubnight coz The WhatACunt only caters for Modern Alternative.

Well, one of the EMO metal DJs threw a right old girly hissy fit over the whole damn thing, coz it clashed with his club night (being a totally different kind of music). Eventually, everyone was happy, as it's 2 different audiences.

So what was on Farcebook?

One of the Waterfont "alternative" guys: We are looking at the 2nd of 3 possible venues, to host an new alternative night. Punk, trad-goth, etc. To be on the same night as ShitPloppin' so it doesn't clash with any of OUR alternative nights"

Whoa - everyone agreed there was no competition as the music was totally different! And the 1st Sat was picked as it only clashed with Rawkus - every other Sat clashed with bigger, better alternative events - Wraith, Slimelight, etc. And out of the blue, The WhatACunt just happens to be looking to host a near identical event in direct competition?

As all know, The Xym is the last to cry conspiracy, but this has the stench of baby's thrown his toys out the pram and ran to his mam, and mum, all upset at her wailing offspring, has promised to put on a bigger performance to teach them bad bully boys a lesson!

So The Xym replied with query - is this in response to the DJ bawling his eyes out? Have they not spoke to Asylum about sharing the new night and working together?

Almost immediately it got a like!

Now, here's the maddening bit. Gets to the boozer, and Plink! off goes the mowbli. Ooooh, a Farcebook notification! "Hi Xymon! I'm confussed...". So I click on the link. Farcebook opens, and...

...The page you are trying to visit is not available. It may have been deleted or removed

But I almost instantly replied! It can't have gone that fast, surely! They again... And again...

Scroll thought Farcebook feed... Can't find the post... Heck... Can't find the Friend Page... Wait a minute... It's not in me link list anymore! Heck, mebbe it's this lastest crappification of the Farcebook app on me phone. I'll have a quick check when I get back...

And now the notification has gone too! All trace vanished! Has The Xym been blocked? Did he imagine it all? Is The WhatACunt still making their nefarious plans to challenge Asylum, but doing it all secret like? What's goings on!

Any nayone else has seen it! Not even notifications to those people/groups tagged!

I must've slipped into a parallel universe on me way to the pub, one where the post was never made, but I retained all details of the previous reality where is was made.

Or something.

A wise person once said: Remember, somewhere in an alternative reality, you are Batman. If you can be anyone - be Batman!.

Bugger that! Batman only got Catwoman occasionally, as she kept running off being a bad girl. If you can be anyone, be The Joker, coz you not only get Harley Quimm, but she'll let you boff Catwoman during Ms Kyle's off times during her on-off relationship with Bats!

Picking up the pollen from the cauliflowers...

Apologies.

The past month or so has been extremely hectic, I've barely had time to post me blog!

A lot has been sitting in draft mode, so I've just published the lot since 11th March-ish. There's a few gaps here & there, but I's been soooo busy, sometimes I've not had chance to draft owt up!

But yesterday, the incessant stream of changes and checking 10842 complex calculations should have ended! Whoo-hoo! More ice-cream to celebrate.

I'll get back into the routine of boring you daily soon.

Abnormal service is being resumed!

Jesus Loves Sandwiches...

Ermagherd!

JLS have split!

Oh noes - I LOVED their pop stylings records. Especially that there Last Train To Transcentral:

♪ J.L.S.
A-ha ha, A-ha a-ha!
J.L.S. is gonna rock ya!

All aboard, all aboard wao-oh
Whoo'hoo
C'mon boyz do ya wanna ride
All aboard, all aboard wao-oh
Whoo'hoo
Gravy Train of X-Factor ♫

Who's next to split? Justin Bieber...

... must resist temptation to make jokes about a belieber's split Bieber must resist temptation to make jokes about a belieber's split Bieber must resist temptation to make jokes about a belieber's split Bieber must resist temptation to make jokes about a belieber's split Bieber must resist temptation to make jokes about a belieber's split Bieber must resist temptation to make jokes about a belieber's split Bieber...

Xym's list of exciting stuff (May '13)...

A list of upcoming stuffs what The Xym is sort-of looking forward to.

Jump to section:

Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Film

17 May 2013	Star Trek: Into Darkness
07 Jun 2013	The Last Exorcism II: The Beginning Of The End So The Last Exorcism wasn't the last one then. Surely the previous should have been called The Penumtimate Exorcism, and this film called The Last Exorcism? What a bunch of retards!
14 Jun 2013	Man Of Steel Zack Snyder reboots Superman…
12 Jul 2013	Monsters University Prequel to Monsters Inc.
12 Jul 2013	Pacific Rim Guillero Del Toro's Kaiju homage. Giant sea monsters awaken, only to be fought off by giant robots piloted by humans!
19 Jul 2013	Kick Ass 2: Balls To The Wall
26 Jul 2013	Wolverine, The Hugh Jackman in another X-Men sequel
26 Jul 2013	World War Z Worldwide zombie wars
?? Jul 2013	Robopocalypse Spielberg adap of Daniel H Wilson Rise Of The Machines type novel
09 Aug 1013	The Lone Ranger Johnny Depp as Tonto… Also Helena Bonham-Carter's in it… Depp & Helena and NO Tim Burton in sight!
14 Aug 2013	The World's End Final part in Pegg/Frost's Blood & Ice Cream trilogy
20 Sep 2013	Elysium
04 Oct 2013	Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For
25 Oct 2013	Paranormal Activity 5 Oh Christ… on and on it goes. And guess what - PA6 has been signed off too!
08 Nov 2013	Thor: The Dark World Christopher Eccleston cast as Malekith
22 Nov 2013	Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire
01 Dev 2013	The Conjuring
13 Dec 2013	Hobbit #2: The Desolation Of Smaug
?? ??? 2013	Dario Argento's Dracula 3D Premiered 19 May 2012 - still awaiting UK release date...
07 Feb 2014	Robocop Remake… and Robocop will have a visor so you can see Murphy's eyes/face. Gary Oldman cast (prob not as Murphy tho')
14 Mar 2014	Maleficent Angelina Jolie cast as Maleficient (looks awesome in the teaser pics)
04 Apr 2014	Captain America: The Winter Soldier
02 May 2014	The Amazing Spider-Man 2
16 May 2014	Ninja Turtles Megan Fox cast as April O'Neill. Oh dear…
23 May 2014	Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Sequel to Tise of the Planet of the Apes being fast-tracked. Andy Serkis mo-capping again.
16 May 2014	Godzilla Warner Brothers reboot. Again.
29 Jun 2014	Transformers 4
13 Jun 2014	Jurassic Park 4
18 Jul 2014	X-Men: Days Of Future Past Or X-Men: First Class 2, if you prefer
01 Aug 2014	Guardians of the Galaxy
12 sep 2014	Resident evil 6 More leather clad loveliness!
21 Nov 2014	Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay pt 1
?? Dec 2014	Hobbit #3: There And Back Again
01 May 2015	Avengers 2 Announced 8/8/2012 - Joss Whedon returning to write and direct!
06 Nov 2015	Ant-Man
20 Nov 2015	Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay pt 2
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Blu-Ray

13 May 2013	Les Miserablés
03 Jun 2013	Dexter (series 7)
08 Oct 2013	American Horror Story: Asylum
?? ??? 2013	War of the Worlds: Goliath 3D Manga-esque steampunk sequel to WotW (sort of like Scarlet Traces). Release forever being put back…
?? ??? ????	Evangelion 3.33: You Can [not] Redo
?? ??? ????	Kill Bill Redux Volumes 1 & 2 re-edited into one movie
?? ??? ????	Nightbreed: The Cabal Cut Remember Nightbreed? Snatched out of Clive Barker's hands and the last minute and butchered into a crapfest that made no sense, lost the whole plot and now impossible to get hold of? Well, Clive Barker recently found his VHS copies of the original footage that was thought lost. The film has been painstakingly reconstructed and re-edited to reflect the original vision. This "rough cut" is apparently really fucking brilliant, and pisses all over that shambles that was originally hacked to pieces for the original 1990 release. Obvs, as the extra footage is from Clive Barkers personal VHS collection, it's not great picture quality. However, turns out the "lost" footage isn't lost at all - Morgan Creek are still in possession of it! A negotiation has been agreed for them to release the footage for an uncut special Blu-Ray release... as long as they don't have to pay to produce it. WATCH THIS SPACE!!
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Gigs

02 May 2013	OMD English Electric Tour, supported by John Foxx And The Maths Ipshit Regent
03 May 2013	Simple Minds Norwich UEA
16 May 2013	Then Jericho Norwich WhatACunt
28 May 2013	Depeché Mode The O2, Londinium
05 Jun 2013	Pout At The Devil Norwich WhatACunt
15 Jun 2013	Blondie Theford Forest Support by The Lightning Seeds
16 Jun 2013	Rammstein Download Festival
18 Dec 2013	Fields of the Nephilim/The Mission O2 Academy, Brixton
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Music

?? ??? 2013	Fields of the Nephilim New Album! They were actually in the studio recording New Material on 9th Dec 2012!!
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Games

?? ??? 2013	Animal Crossing 3Ds
?? ??? 2013	T7G:3 Yay! Kickstarter begins March!
?? ??? 2013	The 11th Hour: iOS Possibly…
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Books

12 Mar 2013	Bloodfire quest Brooks, Terry Dark Legacy Of Shannara
13 May 2013	Blood of Dragons Hobb, Robin
?? May 2013	Blake's 7: Lucifer Darrow, Paul Picks up where the series left off - what happened to Avon!
18 Jun 2013	The Ocean At The End Of The Lane Neil Gaiman New novel for adults
?? ??? 2013	Necroscope: The Möbius Murders Lumley, Brian
?? Dec 2013	Discworld: Raising Steam Pratchett, Terry
?? ??? ????	The Chickens of Atlantis and other Foul and Filthy Fiends Rankin, Robert
?? ??? ????	The Abominable Showman Rankin, Robert
?? ??? ????	The Crow Shirley, John. New graphic Mini-series, set in Tokyo
?? ??? ????	The Sandman Neil Gaiman - Yes, Neil is writing a new Sandman! This will cover the events Morpheus mentioned prior to his capture by Burgess. From Neil himself: "When I finished writing The Sandman, there was one tale still untold. The story of what had happened to Morpheus to allow him to be so easily captured in The Sandman #1, and why he was returned from far away, exhausted beyond imagining, and dressed for war. It was a story that we discussed telling for Sandman's 20th anniversary... but the time got away from us. And now, with Sandman's 25th anniversary year coming up, I'm delighted, and nervous, that that story is finally going to be told,"
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Audiodrama

?? May 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #4 TBA
?? Aug 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #5 TBA
?? Nov 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #6 TBA
?? ?? 2013	Retromancer Blinder of a script written… just needs funding…
?? Feb 2014	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #7 TBA
?? May 2014	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #8 TBA
?? Aug 2014	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #9 TBA
?? Nov 2014	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #10 TBA
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

TV

Spring 2013	In The Flesh Zombies redefined as "people with a medical condition" and home to their families.
Summer 2013	Stephen King's Under The Dome Serialised into 13 parts
Autumn 2013	S.H.I.E.L.D. Joss Whedon's telly spin-off from The Avengers (Assemble)
?? ??? 2013	Jonathan Strange & Mr Norrell Showing in UK on: BBC1 Adaptation of Susanna Clarke's novel
?? ??? ????	A.L.F. Yes, they're bringing back ALF from 1980s Melmak…
?? ??? ????	Amazon Reboot of Wonder Woman with a new origins story… renaming Diana Prince as Iris…
?? ??? ????	American Gods HBO mini series being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Produced by Tom Hanks.
?? ??? ????	Amnerican Horror Story: Coven Kathy Bates now cast in Season 3
18 Mar 2013	Bates Motel Psycho: Norman Bates, The Early Years… oh dear…
?? ??? ????	Blake's 7 Picked up by SyFy. Again.
?? ??? ????	DaVinci's Demons
?? ??? ????	Dracula 10 part series featuring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as The Count
?? ??? ????	Exorcist: The Beginning Spin-off series
?? ??? ????	Gotham
?? ??? ????	The Hulk Guillermo Del Toro on hold…
?? ??? ????	Journey To The West 13 part serial being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Probably better known as Monkey! in the UK
?? ??? ????	Neighbours A family move into a new neighbourhood, where the residents are all aliens…
?? ??? ????	New Nabors A family's neighbours turn out to be The Muppets! What's not to like!!
?? ??? ????	Once Upon A Time (Series 2) Showing in UK on: Fi5e
?? ??? ????	Space 2099 Yes, they're rebooting Gerry Anderson's Space 1999 in a new century…
?? ??? ????	Star Wars: Underworld
?? ??? 2015	Thunderbirds CGI Puppetry…
?? ??? 2015	The Tomorrow People Reboot…
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Films In Development

?? ??? 2012	[●REC]4: Apocalypse
?? ??? 2012	Exists Sasquatch hunts humans. From the people who brought you The Blair Witch Project. Oh dear.
?? ??? 2012	Bill & Ted #3
?? ??? 2013	Day of the Triffids Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi producing
?? ??? 2013	Dominion: Dinosaurs vs Aliens Barry Sonnenfield directing Grant Morrisson's adap of his graphic novel
?? ??? 2013	Dracula Eli Roth directing Russell Crowe as Drac…
?? ??? 2013	Frank Loose biopic based on the career of Chris Sievey/Frank Sidebottom..
?? ??? 2013	Girl Who Played With Fire David Fincher's remake of the 2nd Millenium Movie
?? ??? 2013	Human Centipede III: Final Sequence Yes, it's been scripted and the cast signed on to reprise their HC2 roles…
?? ??? 2013	Last Voyage of The Demeter The bit in Dracula where The Count travels in his coffin from Transylvania to England. Expanded into a movie with Viggo "Aragorn, son of Arathorn" Mortensen
?? ??? 2013	Pride and Prejudice... and Zombies
?? ??? 2013	Rentaghost: The Movie Russell Brand has been replaced by Ben Stiller as Fred Mumford
?? ??? 2013	Short Circuit Remake. Oh Mr Johnny Five, this good news, no?
?? ??? 2013	Stephen King's The Stand Remake - latest is that it may be split into several films or another mini-series.
?? ??? 2013	Suspiria Back on again (probably without Natalie Portman now)
?? ??? 2014	Crimson Peak Guillermo Del Toro scary stuff
?? ??? 2014	Jurassic Park 4 Kicking off a new trilogy… oh dearie me…
?? ??? 2014	The Night Stalker Johnny Depp as Kolchak in the film adap of the series
?? ??? 2014	Pinocchio Guillermo del Toro directing
?? ??? 2014	Woman in Black: Angels of Death Hammer's [unnecessary] sequel to The Woman In Black set 20 years later…
?? ??? 2014	Zorro Reborn "The Fox" is rebooted!
Summer 2015	Justice League
?? ??? 2015	Avatar 2
?? ??? 2015	Doctor Who David "Harry Potter" Yates taking it on
?? ??? 2015	Shaun The Sheep Cracking new movie, Gromit!
?? ??? 2015	Star Wars: Episode VII JJ Abrams to direct. George Lucas has written the first draft of the screenplays for parts 7, 8 & 9…
?? ??? 2016	Angry Birds 3D YES! An animated movie about the recovery of eggs from thieving porkers by temper infused avians!
?? ??? 2017	Star Wars: Episode VIII
?? ??? 2019	Star Wars: Episode IX
?? ??? ????	20,000 leagues Under The Sea David Fincher directing. Starts Brad Pitt
?? ??? ????	Abarat Adap of books 1 & 2 of Clive Barker's series. To be produced once books 3 & 5 published.
?? ??? ????	The Amazing Spider-Man 3
?? ??? ????	Assassins Creed Michael Fassbender to star as Altair
?? ??? ????	Atlantis Rising Comic book adap - may be a miniseries?
?? ??? ????	Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Remake in development! Possibly late 2012, or sometime in 2013.
?? ??? ????	Avatar 3
?? ??? ????	Avatar 4 Only a possibility of Avatar 4 at moment
?? ??? ????	Batman Reboot (for a change!). Apparenly, due to the Avengers success, this one is to begin setting up a JLA movie.
?? ??? ????	Beetlejuice 2 Tim Burton back at the helm, and Michael Keaton now signed on to reprise role as Beetlejuice! Written by Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, etc
?? ??? ????	Being Frank Actual bio-pic about Chris Sievey/Frank Sidebottom. Kickstarter begins 1 May
?? ??? ????	Blade Runner 2 No prequel, and Harrison Ford WON'T be in it… unless Ridley decides he can have a brief cameo.
?? ??? ????	Boy Scouts vs Zombies Jesus. It gets worse…
?? ??? ????	Carpe Diem: The Adventures of a Demon Hunting Soccer Mom With a title like that, I gotta see it!
?? ??? ????	The Crow Legal details now resolved, so reboot going ahead. Can't see this being an improvement on the original.
?? ??? ????	Enormous André "TrollHunter" Øvredal adapting the comic strip for film, webisodes and TV… hold on… weren't they doing that with The Dark Tower? Looks where that's ended up - dropped into Limbo…
?? ??? ????	Evangelion Live action. Embroid in legal wrangles.
?? ??? ????	Fantastic Four Reboot… Matthew Vaughn producing, Seth Grahame-Smith
?? ??? ????	Flight of the Navigator Remake of the '80s classic
?? ??? ????	Frankenstein Harry Potter himself (Daniel Radcliffe) cast as…. Igor! Imagine that! Igor!
?? ??? ????	Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest Remake of the 3rd Millenium Movie
?? ??? ????	The Graveyard Book Henry Selick adapting another Neil Gaiman book.
?? ??? ????	Heaven Sent Dark Universe Now retitled. Guillermo Del Toro's takes on DC/Vertigo. Deadman, The Spectre, Alec Holland, John Constantine, The Stranger, Zatanna, Zatara, Sargon and Etrigan. (Oooh, A Murder Of Crows from Saga Of The Swamp Thing?)
?? ??? ????	Hellboy 3 Guillermo Del Toro has started work on it!
?? ??? ????	Hellraiser In development
?? ??? ????	Here There Be Monsters 18th Century sea monster stuff
?? ??? ????	Highlander Reboot up again…
?? ??? ????	I Am Legend 2 How can he be a legend again? Oh, he wasn't in the first film either… JUST MAKE "I AM LEGEND" PROPERLY!
?? ??? ????	The Incredible Shrinking Man Although… some are referring to Ant Man by the same name. Same film, or just 2 incredibly shrinking blokes…?
?? ??? ????	Stephen King's 'IT' Back on again! Cary Fukunaga relaces David Kajganich as writer, and becomes director. Also, it's being split into 2 movies (like the mini-series, then!)
?? ??? ????	Jitters Giant killer insects…
?? ??? ????	Legend of Conan As if Rocky Balboa and John J. Rambo's decrepit outings of an ancient weren't enough OAP porn for ya, Arnie returns in Conan: The Old Gimmer or some such!
?? ??? ????	Little Shop Of Horrors Remake of the Musical version, developed by (and starring) Joseph Gordon-Levitt
?? ??? ????	Logan's Run Rumour is the remake's back on again…
?? ??? ????	Masters Of The Universe Prince Adam of Eternia returns as He-Man!
?? ??? ????	Monsters: Dark Continent Sequel to Monsters. As of the original borefest wasn't enough tedium for anyone, they want to bore us to death again!
?? ??? ????	Monty Python's… Untitled tale of aliens giving superpowers to a human for laughs. All the remaining Pythons… except, of course, Eric Idle who's refusing at the moment.
?? ??? ????	The Mummy Part of Universal's 100 year celebrations, another reboot
?? ??? ????	Myst Right. Latest is that there were… disagreements... on how to proceed. Those set on adapting The Book Of Ti'ana, and who though that wasn't a good introduction to Myst and wanted a new direction. Acrimonious splits ensued. When film the rights came to the end of the option period, a second lease was refused, and the option has been passed to Delve Films. Amongst the bitching, the film is slowly being developed again... but I wouoldn't hold my breath if I were me!
?? ??? ????	Necroscope FX Artist Glenn Hetrick (one of the judges on SyFy channel's "Face Off") has announced he is working on the project!
?? ??? ????	Neuromancer Adap of William Gibson novel
?? ??? ????	Night Of The Living Tim Burton & Seth Grahame-Smith developing
?? ??? ????	Paranormal Activity 6
?? ??? ????	Pirates of the Carribean 5 FFS
?? ??? ????	Poltergeist Sam Raimi remaking
?? ??? ????	Prometheus 2 Script now being written…
?? ??? ????	Shadow of the Colossus Adaptation of the game
?? ??? ????	Tape 4 Some Lovecratian terror!
?? ??? ????	Time After Time Remake of the 80s classic - Jack The Ripper escapes to modern times in HG Wells Time Machine, chased by… HG Wells himself!
?? ??? ????	Timecrimes US Remake of the Spanish classic
?? ??? ????	Triplets! Sequel to Twins! Schwarzenegger and DeVito discover their long-lost Brother (Eddie Murphy)… Recently confirmed by DeVito as actually being in development. Oh dear….
?? ??? ????	Tron 3 Confirmed by Bruce Boxleitner!
?? ??? ????	Two Worlds Colliding Michael Hutchence/INXS biopic
?? ??? ????	Van Helsing Reboot, with Tom Cruise as Van Helsing…
?? ??? ????	Venom Spidey-Man spin off
?? ??? ????	Videodrome Remake back on the table…
?? ??? ????	Wayne's World 3 Mike Myers has written a first draft…
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In Limbo

IN LIMBO	Akira Production once again halted…
IN LIMBO	At The Mountains Of Madness Guillerro Del Toro's plans are ruined. Ridley Scott's Prometheus is more-or-lese the same concept.
IN LIMBO	Chrome Pendragon Pictures sci-fi flick
IN LIMBO	Stephen King's The Dark Tower Dropped (again!). Hoping to be picked up by another company…
IN LIMBO	Forbidden Planet Remake written & directed by Babylon 5's J. Michael Straczynski
IN LIMBO	Ghostbusters 3 Officially dead. Bill Murray has said NO WAY, and unless he's on board, there will be no movie
IN LIMBO	Good Omens Gaiman/Pratchett movie adaptation to be directed by Terry Gilliam
IN LIMBO	Hawk The Hunter Sequel to Hawk The Slayer, currently awaiting funding.
IN LIMBO	Hawk The Destroyer Final in the Hawk trilogy. Presumably waiting for funding, or after Hawk The Hunter
IN LIMBO	Hallowe'en Reboot on hold, whilst they concentrate on he Hellraiser remake
IN LIMBO	Hallowe'en III 3D Either a remake of the Nigel Kneale Silver Shamrock version, or a sequel to Rob Zombie's crapfest
IN LIMBO	Hulk 3 Joss Whedon says there are no current plans for more Hulk except in Avengers 2
IN LIMBO	Neverwhere Gaiman movie adaptation awaiting a director
IN LIMBO	Power of the Dark Crystal Sequel to The Dark Crystal Back on hold as of 21 Feb 2012, as OmniLab cut all funding due to the failure of their crap film 'The Killer Elite'. The Henson Group may speak to them later in 2012 about further development, or seek a new partner, or can the whole project. Again.
IN LIMBO	Sandman Gaiman TV Series adaptation awaiting a suitable director - Eric Kripke (Supernatural) was promising, but eventually turned down.
IN LIMBO	Tripods, The Movie adaptation of the trilogy, re-set in America.
IN LIMBO	Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, Teresa Banks And The Last Seven Days Of Laura Palmer Remastered DVD/Blu-Ray with deleted scenes
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Last month

?? Apr 2013	Defiance
30 Apr 2013	Marcella Detroit
26 Apr 2013	War Of The Worlds: The True Story
26 Apr 2013	Violet Violet
26 Apr 2013	Iron Man 3D
19 Apr 2013	Evil Dead
15 Apr 2013	Room 237
15 Apr 2013	Evil Dead II: Special Edition
12 Apr 2013	Oblivion 3D
11 Apr 2013	War of the Words: The New Generation
11 Apr 2013	Macheté Kills
08 Apr 2013	The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey
08 Apr 2013	Scanners Trilogy
08 Apr 2013	OMD
07 Apr 2013	The March Violets
07 Apr 2013	Once Upon A Time (series 2)
05 Apr 2013	Stephen King's Carrie
05 Apr 2013	Kate Nash
05 Apr 2013	Dark Skies
01 Apr 2013	Game Of Thrones (series 3)
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