Christmas Time
Cameltoe and wine
Chavscum snorting crack cocaine lines
Their shoplifted presents
Lie under the tree
A time to rejoice
With the goods that they've thieved
Ah, Xmas shoppers, with their Common-As-Muck sense!
Honestly, how many Door Gormsters are there in Norwich? Chapelfield Mall, St Stephens entrance. 2 automatic Doors, and three double doors that Swing Both Ways. How hard can it be to enter and exit such hinge based barrier systems?
For some, most difficult indeed!
The problem appears to be that swing doors swing shut, and this confuses your average "I've Got The X-FuckedOff Get Me In The Pig Botherer House (with those all-important DNA detector results)" viewer, and they turn into shuffling George A. Romero type Zombies.
Without the cranial content consumption, said store of knowledge having fled in terror at the prospect of points of ingress and egress.
But I digress.
If these Portal Poltroons are lucky, a passing Polite Person Of Intelligence may have gone though one of the doors and held it open for them. This creates the Dawn Of The (brain)Dead. Faced with several unopened doors, and one open one, the zombified shoppers shamble towards the one open door. As everyone can't get through at once, they mill about, awaing their turn, blocking the available doors.
Suddenly, another clever person might pop by, and automatically stride up to an open door, and brazenly walk through! As the door pushes back the groaning, almost motionless cretins, they gaze in anger at He Who Dared To Open Another Door into their midst! Then, a glimmer of understanding slowly dawns in their dead eyes... Door... Not.. Shut.. Yet... Can.. Get.. Through...
Despite seeing a human opening a door, their lack of GCSEs does not allow them to fathom that they too could open other doors. Instead, they split into two hordes of doorblockers.
God knows what would happen if a group of them had arrived, and no door was open!
Actually, what happens then is that they stop in the middle of the corridor, dive into their bags, and randomly pull out purchases to peruse, or check their mowbli, or double back to the escalator to see if the doors are open upstairs. Aw, the relief on their little faces when they see someone has opened a door they can scamper through!
Bless!
