Please spend a penny in an old man's hat
If you haven't got a penny
A number two will do
If you haven't got a number two
You probably need that Dulco-Ease what them haggard old trouts whitter on about in coffee shops.
Alas, due to oversleeperies, I know not if further harlots are Going About Their Business in their chemise of a morning.
I would nip over to Castle Mall gardens and Ogle The Office Pretties That Lunch as they sit in the sun in their binkineenies as they guzzle down their Special K & violate each others personal soup with their rapey Ryvita biscuits.
But I'm too busy at work for lunch-based lechery (although Foreign Serving Wench complimented me on my purple plumage whilst purchasing revoltiong Morrocan stew - maybe I's in there!¹)
But speaking of The Lunch remindeth me. The Office Xmas meal is all booked!
But Xym... It's October! Surely it's far too early to be considering Saturnalian celebrations?
But, booked it is, by the social scout who be not Xym.
Mmmmmm - turkey with all the trimmings! Xmas pud in a sea of cream! Where be this year's venue for the finest of Winter solstician repasts?
Captain America's!
Yay! Cap- eh, whut?
* checks menu *
* note lackage of specific Xmassy based menu *
* discovers Cap'n A's doesn't have a Xmas menu coz it's a burger bar *
Well peel my tangerines and glaze me figgy pud - there is no fecking seasonal munchage available! Not even a turkey & sprout burger! Captain Amerca's? Captain Arse, more like! Taking the Xmas crackers and wiping his great fat arse with 'em. Bastard!
An Xmas meal of BeefBugger & chips? Well, whoop-de-fecking-whoop. Might as well go to Maccy D's as they at least have a 'Festive Pie' of spiced fruit mincemeatery filling. My only Xmas meal of the year, and it's a twatarse bogstandard buggering bastard of a burger I get get any day of the week.
Oh well, looks like I'll just have to make up for it with one of them Turkey Meals for one (2 for £1.99 from t'Co-Op) on Xmas Day instead.
:(
¹NO XYM, YOU'RE NOT. AND NEVER WILL BE.
