...asked David Bowie.
Why do people always call a spaceship piloted by betentacled shape-shifty beasties a UFO. It's an IFO. An Identified Flying Object. Identified as martian invasion crafts intent on blowing us all to Hell with their death rays whilst blowing their noses due to martian-man-flu before their inevitable demise.
"No Xym, it's a UFO - an alien craft scouting for hillbilly bottoms to sexually experiment on"
"UFO? No, YOU F.O. you illiterate minge with mange! You just said it was an alien scouting craft. Therefore not unidentified at all!"
I'll tell you this, though. They may be from the Rings of Saturn, but if any of them bring their probes near the ring of Uranus, implanting their interplanetary implantery tracking devices of implantment up me bum again, there'll be Hell to pay!
Coming over here, mutilating out cattle and sexually experimenting on us. Well, on our hillbilly's in remote forestry high on moonshine, anyways. How the tables turn - with them Satyrnalian's playing the interplanetary equivalent of tentacle-adapted banjos, whilst asking their abductees to 'squeal piggy' for the probe as they extract the purty teeth of humanity.
Well, I'm no intergalactic racist, but they can just take their dome topped saucers with triple-legged stand and retractable ramp, and go back where they came from, instead of wasting NHS resources on flu jabs and claiming all manner of benefits because they can't be deported back to Jupiter due to the torture regime in place, then marrying John Cooper-Clarke so they can legally live here and bring their entire family over to sponge off the system at The Taxpayer's expense.
Just because they're pod people from the planet Mars who look like people, doesn't make them peoples - just insidious infiltrators of colonization.
And that's colon-ization, hence the now legendary probeage.
Probably.
Or something.
"But Xym, space monsters and alien craft don't exist - it's all a load of shite! Aliens can't travel through space - space travel is impossible!"
Well, answer me this! There's some black & white grainy footage of a spacecraft landing on another planet in 1969. And there's these space monsters, all in big white interplanetary suits, claiming the desolate planet as a new Homeworld.
Amazingly, The Invaders clearly are of advanced technology, as they have also invented flags. Either that, or they just copied them from catching eathly transmitted TV rays on their crystal televisual holographic prisms.
There are some that say this footage is a hoax, and pooh-pooh interplanetary travel. But if intergalactic overlords are landing on the moon, I don't want them poo-pooing all over it! Who wants to telescopically see trans-dimensional Wateryboy types baring the whole of their moon at Earth and dropping their defacations on the lunar landscape.
Not Patrick Moore, that's for sure!
