...and their well developed frontage.
...not to mention their camel hoofed swimsuiteries.
Or I would be, if I wasn't at work, and it wasn't so cold on Lower's Tuft sea front, or the arcades of Great Y'ha-Nthei
But not UK Pretties. Oh no - not today! For today is once again International Women's Day! Therefore today is dedicated to perving at Polish pretties and other fullsome foreign females.
So, apologies to my British Babes, for today you will not be subjected to the usual admirations and proclamations of my devotion to your beauty¹. It's international, not national, so special lecheries are exclusive for my hotties from hotter climates!
Californicating Calipornia Girls, dirty EuroTrash minxes and diverse other sexpots of exotic shores - today, YOU are the most beautiful specimen! Your foreign allure is driving me wild with passion, and if your significant other is not as attentive as they should be - just remind them, The Xym could be stepping in for them if they're not careful!
Mwah ha ha ha ha with a side order of Mwah Mwah. An evil laugh followed by chaste cheek kissage to confuse and confound! With some full on snoggage thrown in for good measure.
For it's Europretties day!
But then again, every day is You're A Pretty day² in Xym's world!
Especially Her, that one there, and DEFINATELY that one! Not to mention my harem of überbabes.
But most of all...
YOU, my angelic vision of beauty²!
And if you don't think I mean you, you're probably wrong, for I do mean YOU.
Especially if you're the you who's in a solid long term partnership/marriage and therefore unobtainable³!
But make the most of it, my lovely, for The Xym's preposterous perverture may be coming to a close. For The Comedy Lechment doth be going down like a lead balloon. Or, more accurately, and being international Pretties day, 99 Lead Balloons. The now legendary slap and punch in the face may not be so far off!
I appear to be offending Pretties left, right and centre, these days, and The Avoidance Of Xym seems to becoming a popular pastime amongst the Pretties.
Oh well. Plenty more fish in the sea.
But I'm not pulling a mussel trying to cop off with chavette Innsmouthian denizens of the deep down Cromer pier and end up with crabs, I can tell you!
¹ OR MAYBE NOT, FOR SURELY IGNORING LOCAL LASSES FOR SUN KISSED SUCCUBUS'S IS RACIST. PROBABLY. ALTHOUGH, THAT SAID, AN INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY IS SOMEWHAT SEXIST! WHERE'S THE INTERNATIONAL BLOKES DAY? OR INTERNATIONAL ALL-PEOPLES-IRRESPECTIVE-OF-SEX DAY? OR INTERNATIONAL XYM PERVING AT PRETTIES DAY (ALTHOUGH, TO BE FAIR, THAT'S EVERY DAY)?
² UNLESS YOU'RE A BLOKE. AND I'M NOT PERVING AT YOU. THAT WOULD BE, LIKE, SO GAY!
³ SOME SAY THAT'S A DEFENSE MECHANISM - FOR BEING UNABLE TO APPROACH SINGLE PRETTIES DUE TO THE TWIN DISEASES OF SOCIOPHOBIA AND SHYNESS, IT'S EASIER FOR THE XYM TO ADMIT HIS AMOROUS ADMIRATION TO THOSE HE CANNOT HAVE, SAFE IN THE KNOWLEDGE THAT
A) NOTHING WILL HAPPEN,
B) THE PRETTIES ARE HAPPY SOMEONE (EVEN IF THE TROLL THAT IS THE XYM) LOVES THEM AND FINDS THEM BEAUTIFUL, AND
C) HE DOESN'T HAVE TO FACE ENGAGING IN AWKWARD CONVERSATION WITH STRANGE WOMENS HE KNOWETH NOT!
