We just need the X Factor
A lack of children¹ in the classroom
Gary leave them kids alone
HEY! GLITTER! LEAVE THEM KIDS ALONE!
All in all Cowell should get a brick in the face!
Yes, today is the somewhat bizarre news that a 'crazed' fan was lurking in Simon Cowell's bath. Armed with a brick. Ready to engage in violent connectivity betwixt the two.
Presumably she must've gained entry to the premises by Smashing His Back Doors In².
With the brick.
Anyhoo, this is what perplexed me about this newsworthy tale. It is stated that this is a 'crazed' fan.
Surely, the fact that this woman wanted to mutilate the music mogul by the repeated application of a blunt instrument, to whit - a brick, is proof indeed of her sanity.
To declare this woman as being 'crazed' is preposterous! There is no-one on earth who likes the smug high-waist-trousered aural rapist, and the actions of this woman seems more like a public service than a rampant loon.
Typical press - whipping up a frenzy and demonizing normal, everyday folk!
Then again, this was the headline emblazoned squad upon The Daily Jugs. I wouldn't be surprised if Simon Cowell was on Page 3, thrusting out his moobs to camera.
Crazed fan, my best hat³!
¹ VIETNAMESE CHILDREN. ALLEGEDLY.
² ALTHOUGH I WOULDN'T BE ADVERSE TO SMASHING THE BACK DOORS IN OF JESSIE J, DANNII MINOGUE AND PIXIE LOTT IN THE BATH. POP IDOL? BONE IDOL, MORE LIKE (IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN, AND I'M SURE THAT YOU DO! HINT: IT WOULDN'T BE A BONE 'IDLE' - FNARR FNARR, K'YUK K'YUK, ETC)
³ NO - NOT MY BEST HAT! OF HATS, I DO NOT HAVE ANY, LET ALONE A BESTEST! ANY VIOLENT KNIFE WIELDING HOMOCHAVS READING THIS - DO NOT MISTAKE MY SIMILARITY OF TWIDDLY TASHE FOR THE BLOKE WITH THE TWIDDLY TASHE AND TOWERING ACCOUTREMENTAL ATTIRE FASHIONED FROM CYLINDRICAL CHESSBOARDS DIPPED IN ASTROLOGICAL SYMBOLISM UPON HIS NOGGIN. IT WASN'T ME, HONEST GUV!
