Signing on.
And I thought just filling out the application online was a torurous, arduous chore!
So, not got anywhere job hunting, so with cash running out, finally got round to registering as Jeremy Kyle Dolescum on Jobseekers.
Appointment at 11:25.
So, that'd be 12 then.
Meanwhile, I has to sit there, looking all smart, like I'm making an effort...
...surrounded by the druggy dregs of the great unwashed.
Smartly sat in a natty suit, sweetly scented of A*Men & Alien, whilst all around rises the pheremonal fug of BO and cannabis from the sweaty sweatpant and hoodie clad throng. Bellowing for benefits with their arsecracks rising like a full moon over the hillock of sunken, ill-fitting sweatpants.
A fight almost breaks out as some stoner has to make another appointment and takes exception to it, smacking his great fat stinking missus in the face with his forms coz he wants nowt to do with it, coz he's gotta get to Ca$h Converter$ to fence his five finger discounted liberated products.
And then you have The Interview. The Rules on what you have to do to be unemployed. The Commitment to:
● Sign up to Universal Jobmatch.
● Every day, check every job website
● Once a week, contact employers directly and piss them off repeatedly by badgering them for work
● Once a week, pester friends and family about any vacancies
● Respond promptly to replies
● Register with ALL the agencies
● apply for ANY job you can do that's within 90 minutes of home.
● etc etc
But be 1 minute late for your 2 week check-in, and they'll rip out your heart and burn it as an offering to the Great God Osbourne.
Dear God let me get a job soon - preferably that one on the telly! Ermagherd - how will I cope with the female fans my new slimness will thrust upon me!!
Meanwhile, I'm a-gonna start learning how to fiddle about with websites for a friend...
...and not fiddling about on websites! Or fiddling with friends...
now then, now then, jingle jangle pearl necklace...
