Import duty!
Damn them Customs blokes - seems there's a custom to charge you millions of quids just for ordering some American stuff!
Danish glossies, Swedish films, hard drugs - you name it, it all gets snuck in. Or confiscated by customs and destroyed... and "destroyed" is Urban Dictionary speak for shagging, so obviously "confiscated" for a Stag Do, or special home use.
But not me - oh no. Order a couple of T-Shirts, badges, a hip flask and some costumery, and it's Make Xym Pay time!
And to be doubly awkward - let it go through customs. Let it go through all East Midlands. Then get some jobsworth git in Cambridge to slap a fine on it and refuse to let it leave Cambridge!
At least try and deliver it to Norwich! I could pay at home, or at the handy depot round the corner! But not, it goes to the officious despot across the border!
And they don't even have the courtesy to let you know! You only find out it's been retained on payment of fees by checking the DHL tracker!
And I bet they bank with NatWest, so even if my HSBC payment goes through, it won't be released for a million years when their systems get sorted. Or, knowing my luck at the moment, take it out of my account and not register it with DHL, further delaying my package and probably incurring further holding fines for not picking it up or something.
At least, I hope it's my collectables, and not a vampire from South Africa! If he doesn't know the procedure for approaching a humpbacked bridge1, I have my Fairy Liquid handy. He's messing with The Big Boys now!
1APPROACH THE HUMPBACKED BRIDGE WITH CAUTION AND CHECK BOTH REAR VIEW MIRRORS. IF THE ROAD IS CLEAR YOU SHOULD RIP OUT THE VIRGIN'S THROAT AND...
