Oh man, lookit them spacemen glow...

Cor, love a duck guv'nor! Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner that I strike a light on the petrol soaked apples and pairs to defraud the insurance! Well, would you Adam and Eve it! According to Sky Nudes, Life On Earth Started on Mars!

Apparently, some jobbing builders were farting about on The Underground digging a new tube tunnel, when they discvered a monstrously deformed skull beneath Hobbs Lane (formerly Hobb's Lane, formerly ShitYerPantsScary Street).

Some archæological greybeards were then brought in to sift through the tunnel and take some toothbrushes to the bones (under the pretext of Preserving History, but really using some Colegate to brighten the bones so they fetch a fair penny on the museum market, rather than being dirty & yellow like that Sky Broadband blokes manky tooth).

And what did they uncover? Only an umpteen (5) million year old spaceship stuck in the strata!

And inside, tripoedal space monsters preserved in the suspended animatory thingumabobbins!

Of course, The Military reckoned it were all Oscar Preposterous propoganda to put the willies up the Brits, and before you can say "Mary loves dick!", the space monsters went on a psychic poultrygoose rampage. Hovering drills, levitating braces & bits, lifting the skirts of greybeards of the feminine variety. You know the kind of thing. 

Thankfully, one nerdy geek invented an Optic Encephalogram, allowing him to see into Pretties minds so men could finally understand women. And what did this reveal?

Dreams of PMT raging women rising up and taking over the world. Ganging up on all the men and castrating their cocks off!

Either that, or sharing Ian Dumbcum-Smith's fantasies of normal folk murdering all the cripples and cleansing the benefit system of fraudsters, I mean, purifying the gene-pool. "If you can breathe, you can work. If you refuse to work, I shall make sure you can't breathe by cutting off your air. That air is to benefit law-abiding, honest, hard working, taxpaying, christian families - why should their oxygen and exhalations be diverted into the skiving lungs of job-dodging deformities and their  feral brood of umpteen pickpicketing progeny? Your average, law-abiding, honest, hard working, taxpaying, christian family would be appalled at the atmospheric expenditure wasted on these so-called Disabled, who are forever wheezing away as they perform their Tae Kwon Do kickboxing on trampolines when out of sight of our Catch-A-Cripple-Cheating-Cameras we follow them around with."

But, for now, David Cameltoe is sating Dumbcum-Smith's blood lust by limiting The Wild Hunt to badgers.

Once he rids the NHS of benefit-claiming alleged sufferers of Brass Wind Instruments Entwined Around Female Immediate Relatives (Tuba Curl o'er Sis), then he can begin his Para-limping pogrom to purge the public purse of spastic scroungers milking The Cistern for all the cash they can scam out of it.

I say we arm the amputees with wheelchairs of iron, and catheters of their own piss to repel the insectoid alien genodice warriors that David Lizard-Overlord-From-Mars-In-A-Human-Suit Camenbert has planned as part of his Tory Clampdown on the physically disadvantaged workshy dolescum layabouts.

If the legacy of 2012 Pair O' Limp Pig Games has taught us anything, it's that...
...
...um...
...
...well, nothing really. Apart from allowing IDS and ATOS tear down any legacy, rights, benefits, respect or momentum that had been gained in the first place.

or something.

IDS gleefully lording it over his castigation and culling of cripples
whilst cackling maniacally in Londinium yesterday