Some people will go to any lengths to prove a consipracy!
Take that Al Fat Head. Always banging on about how the Queen and Prince Phil drive through Paris shining torches into drunken drivers eyes in order cause the demise of Diana to avert radical fundamentalist muslim offspring fouling the Royal line and suicide bombing Balmoral.
In his latest ludicrous attempt to uncover the truth, he's persuaded the Russians to hand over a teapot to the Queen.
Ah, but not any old teapot!
This teapot comes equipped with tealeaf avoidance detector so that Butlery Buglary Burrell types can't snaffle it under their ermine capes and crown jewel encrusted Swag bag.
But it's main feature, is the attachment of an array of spyware. The ornate style of a samovar teapot is that you can lodge electronic devices about it's intricate bits and bobs.
That way, if Lizzy II is in the middle of munching her Coco-Pops at brekkie, and accidentally says to Phil "Does one remember when one topped off one's ex-daughter in law and that ghastly foreigner", old Moe Hammond can record it as proof of their duplicity!
And if that fails, he can always release the album "The Greatest Brew Stews In The World (vol.iii)":
Track 1: Earl Grey. The sound of swirling leaves in tepid water
Track 2: Lapsang Soushong. Water trickled over a fine filter of dregs into a china teacup
Track 3: PG Tips: Hot water pours into a cracked mug, and Her Magde squeeze the teabag against the side, whilst she slums in in her pants watching H!IACGNOOHN
Bonus Track: PG Tips (Redux). Extended mix, including Chocolate Hob Nob dunkage.
People criticised Bonnie Prince Charley for being mad and talking to plants... clearly these'plants' were literally such! Planted listening and recording devices! For from encouraging them to grow, he was recording all his secret plans and nefarious activities amongst the foliage.
Now, If My Hammerhead has planted a bug on a plant rather than a teapot, he may have caught wind of Charles' confessionals: "Hello Clematis. Did you know, one cut the brakes on ones ex-wife's car, and drugged up the driver on cocktails. Mwah ha ha ha. Serves the attention seeking shagabout slapper right!".
As it is, a simple sweep of Balmoral resulted in Spooks type peoples nabbing all the teapots, due to the "security risk".
Think I may try that in Bennets. "Hmmm - I'm from MI5, and that great big 50" HDTV telly could have a listening device within. Think I'll have that! I mean, remove it from the premises for further analysis"...
Further analysis being watching Danni Behr in a skimpy bikini showering in a jungle waterfall - well, you need to be certain there's no hidden listening or video recording spy type gadgets hidden behind the cathode ray tube.
Or something.
