MultipliXymty...

Right, off out to see in the New Year with some tip top people.

Alas, being a Man In Demand, I cannot see all the Hot Babes tip top people who desire my presence.

So next year I'm nipping down Hamley's Toy Shop in the Arcade and buying a My First Chemistry Set so I can clone meself.

At least then I can turn up to all events and hopefully ogle/snog hot drunken party Pretties not disappoint people by not putting in an appearance.

See, I was going to stay in, as I had to let someone down, so thought that was bad. So I thought I'd treat everyone equally and show no favouritism.

However, much as I really wanted to go to the other event¹, I was threatened by my Polish Pretty that if I didn't come to the other event, she'd squeeze my balls.

Now, if she's gonna do THAT to them if I DON'T go, imagine what she'll do to them if I do go!

NYE teabagging or some such, I shouldn't wonder!

¹ OH? LET ME GUESS - THERE'S YET ANOTHER UNAVAILABLE PRETTY YOU WANNA
   LEER AT?
  AS IF! THEY'RE TOP MATES IS ALL! HONEST GUV!

Smell of pants are burning...

*set #1*
♪ Start Me Up
  ♪ All Down The Line
    ♪ Tumblin' Dice
      ♪ It's Only Rock & Roll
        ♪ Carol
          ♪ Route 66
            ♪ Rainbow
              ♪ Not Fade Away
                ♪ Paint It Black
                  ♪ Ruby Tuesday
                    ♪ Shine A Light
                      ♪ Wild Horses
                        ♪ All Over Now
*set #2*
♪ Sympathy For The Devil
  ♪ Street Fighting Man
    ♪ Gimme Shelter¹
      ♪ Let It Loose
        ♪ Run Rudolph
          ♪ I'm Free²
            ♪ Fool To Cry
              ♪ 19th Nervous Breakdown
                ♪ The Last Time
                  ♪ (I can't get no) Satisfaction
                    ♪ Get off my cloud
                      ♪ Honky Tonk Women
                        ♪ Jumpin' Jack Flash
*encore*
♪ We Love You
  ♪ You Can't Always Get What You Want
    ♪ Brown Sugar

The Rollin Stoned, Cliffs Pavillion, Southend-On-Sea, 29th Dec 2012

¹ A COVER OF THE SISTERS OF MERCY HIT!
² A COVER OF THE SOUP DRAGONS HIT!

The only, living boys, who are Goths...

And we surfaced in the Valley Of The Vajazzles!

Yes, we in Essexland, on the Alcatrazian rock known as Canvey Island!

Well, we were, but were are currently traversing towards the Essex Triangle... which is not a euphemism (although Vag/Flange Creak almost certainly is!). It's that mystical fugue of incorporeal displacement where several places merge and overlay each other. Namely Southend-On-Sea, Westcliff-On-Sea & Leigh-On-Sea.

Leigh-On-Sea, Xym?

Leigh-On-Sea!

And did we see any Master Butchers?

Did we buggery fuck as like!

Xym's 5'6 and 100 stones, the undisputed King of the Tums, no alias (unlike Klaus Barbie - the unseen butcher in Leigh-On-Sea), the one and once - Hold The Front Page...

[EDIT: SOME TIME LATER THE FOLLOWING DAY:]
Upon returning to Norwich, further lyrical amendments required thusly:
The King of the Goths got himself a Star Trek Enterprize Box Set for pleasuring the missus on Viagra and Amphetemine. Xym never got to second base thanks to that Ryan wotsisface, Xym's 5'6 and 100 stones, the undisputed King of the Tums, no alias (unlike Klaus Barbie - the unseen butcher in Leigh-On-Sea), the one and once - Hold The Front Page... Fat Xym's got somewhere to stay, where there's guests and there's boyfriends, at the Hepworth Hotel, making Xym feel quite awkward, where Xym lives life in style, confined to the sofa, where he wakes up at seven (no-one else till 11), Xym's fat and unhealthy, and John is possessed, Jo's toilets ain't healthy (John's not toilet trained), we just chuckle & smile, and laugh like some madmen, 2 born again Gothboys, here comes Xym The Fat Man. or something.

Nah, I'm just a financial advisor...

I'm taking up The Tobacco!

I've just seen an advert on the telly box, and to be honest I wasn't paying that much attention, but it showed some bloke 'avin' a faaaag, and the VoiceOver man said:

"Every 15 cigarettes causes a mutation"

How cool is that! 15 fags and my skellington gets an Adamantium coating. 15 more, and I gets retractable claws.

And it doesn't end there!

A few packs of ciggies and Nick Fury'll be on the blower, begging to borrow me eyepatch and preventing Balrogs passing with my pussy Magneto.

Or something.

But I'm not taking Money Advice from the worm from Labyrinth! Sure, it's cocooned into a metamorphosis of a dear little kindly white haired old knitting granny, but how can you trust anyone who tells you never to go THAT way. Especially when you need to travel though dangers unknown & hardships unnumbered to fight your way to the castle beyond the gobbling city to take back the child David Bowie has nicked for his mate Jacko, and it sends you off t'other way coz if you keep on going down THAT way, you'd go straight to their castle!

Wish I had 3 hands...

Well, I thought I'd venture out into The City for The Alleged Sales.

Strangely, everything is still the same price!

But it was a chance to finish up the Xmas shopping...

...and still came away with no Xmas shopping & yet more presents for myself!

Sweeties and Kate Beckinsale (which isn't lecherous, coz it's also got Kevin Webster out of Corrie for The Ladies).

Really need to find presents for The Essex on Satur... what am I thinking! They're getting the best present ever! The present of the presence of The Xym in Vajazzleworld!

What more can anyone ask for?

Apart from a slimmer, wittier, less troll-like alternative to Xym!

Food, glorious food...

Too... stuffed... to... move... and... too... fat.. to... blog...

And I was doing soooo well!

I was losing weight. I suspect I may have put it all back on again.

I may have bought & consumed waaaay too much!

But two huge and wonderful roasts though!

Pressies, Pressies, Pressies...

Well, a Snow Globe!

Followed by essential viewings:
● The Gruffalo
● The Snowman
● Father Ted: A Christmassy Ted
● Rare Exports
● Le Ballon Rouge
● Bottom: Holy
● Nightmare Before Christmas
● The Gruffalo's Child
● The Snowman And The Snowdog
● Hogfather
● Dr Who

And then it went all non-Xmassy cos me Blu-Ray of Gremlins has disappeared, Die Hard wasn't on, and one had partaken of too much Vodka Margerine, so I bunged on Evangelion Rebuild 1.11 instead!

'twas Xmas Eve babe...

...and I'd better pull me finger out & get some Xmas Shopping done!

And I needs to get me some noms for tomorrow!

Oi am a coider drinker...

Mulled cider is the tits!

Last night, Goats & Whores's, tried their mulled cider.

Forget mulled - The Xymon was totes mullered!

And whilst down The WhatACunt, more quaffage ensued! At one point, on the hunt for those partaking of The Tobacco, I ended up with a free pint of Coider & Black! How'd that happen?

Now I knows how easy it is to fall into alcoholism. Oh, Mulled Cider, how I miss thee!

Marquee rare weirdo...

'Kin punks hate skinheads rancid 'kin 14 books 4 books 10 BOOKS HMV nickin' bastards That's Entertainment THE JAM 'kin P!nk CLASH JAM JOE STRUMMER garlic bread? GARLIC BREAD? an army of 12 monkeys cheesy nob garlic bread bastards i'm not a racist but 'kin immigrunts cummin' over here nickin' our jobs and I only live just over there bastards fuck thass ma mate git back inside yer bastard git the fuck back in yarghrargreerghargh y'bastid!

And then later...

Fahhhk yew! I don't give a fuck about any of you cunts I only cares about this woman and you lot can go fuck yerselves coz I love her more than any of you cunts so fuck the lot of yer I apologise if I got the wrong end of the stick but you bastards I cunt give a shit about.

All in all, a damn good night, and gets to do it all again tonight!

ALL the things in threads...

No, not the library - Internetz forumz!

That hive of trolls, illiterati and opinionated gormsters¹.

Now, I've rather foolishly joined forums before. And I did note that any comment is utterly assailed with a plethora of abuse from ill-informed gobshites.

There are times I truly wished I was a gormster, and could descend to the ignorance of others.

Anyhooo I dropped out, and rather foolishly joined others. Primary as a lurker to follow advice, new releases, cheap deals, etc.

But woe is Xym, for he cannot keep his great big fat gob shut!

Never mind the "Carl McCoy doesn't know his own lyrics, I know what they actually are, not what he sez they are" debacle from the Gormrazers (fucksake, they were arguing over Dawnrazor, Carl's wife Lynn calligraphed them, and put them on the official website. Apparently, those lyrics are wrong - despite sounding exactly like what's sung. Gormrazors always know better - like forming twat towers blocking everyones view and waving nemo fish about like retards).

Anyhew, one forum is dedicated a specific subject. One subject, that is, and one subject only. And sometimes it's hard to find relevant stuff on it, coz the forum is spammed with irrelevant shite.

Now, this particular subject is the Kindle. Problems, eBooks, purchasing, apps, etc.

So some woman starts a topic on "HELP! Is this dress suitable for a wedding, or is it to Office-y".

Unsurprisingly, it got panned for being off topic. Until someone said "What's so strange about this - why can't ladies have fashion sense?"

And, foolish fat boy that I am, I told them.

I happened to mention that it comes across that it's reinforcing stereotypes - that of the thick blonde bimbo who thinks only "dresses, dresses, dresses"². Why else come onto a forum dedicated to discussing Kindle to derail it by babbling airheadedly about dresses? How on earth is pondering a party dress related to a Kindle, or Kindle eBook? It's not, which makes the poster either a spamming troll deliberately clogging up the thread with irrelevant trivial tosh, or a gossiping gormster who can't distinguish between an electronic device and attire. Surely if they want to discuss fashion, they post on a fashion thread, not an eReader thread!

All couched in my usual, inimitable, flowery style.

Suffice to say I was instantly hit with abuse by a triplicity of dress obsessed ogresses.

'snot my fault they can't comprehend that a Kindle Discussion Forum is a Forum to Discuss Kindles, and not the place to witter on about dresses, boyfriends, shoes and the fact that it's too wet to put the washing out (all actual previous discussions of great import to Kindle)! You'd think they'd have the sense to take such irrelevance to some Loose Women type forum, where they can bitch about men and geeks to their hearts content, revelling in taffeta, cakes and other stuff unrelated to eBooks and their ilk that they keep spamming the thread with.

Still, as it's not relevant to the forum, I had my say and left. No doubt I'm still being trolled and slagged off, but hey-ho, if people are too dumb to understand what Kindle Discussion Forum means, and that I'm not reading it³ because it's off-topic, more fool them! Let them expunge their venom to their hearts content - keeps them off the main thread, so everyone else can see some actual topics discussing Kindles!

[EDIT] Just had a quick squit for Blog purposes - 24+ replies since the harpies first descended... dare I look at the predictable comments....

...oh go on!

...yep, about what you would expect:
● Xym is a jealous woman with shoulder chips.
● Xym is a mysoginist.
● The Xym is not The Xym, it's just a false account specifically created to post under a false name⁴.
● Why can't talking about dresses be related to a Kindle Discussion? Just because it's a Kindle Discussion Forum doesn't mean we should only discuss Kindles⁵.
● Oooh, he must be loving us airheads lezzing it up on the forum
● He's only commented on this thread - must have a thing about dresses.

And now they've progressed on to discussing their knickers. Oooh, be a devil and wear none to the party!

Yes dear, I stand corrected. Your pants at a wedding are truly relevant to a Kindle discussion!

¹ NATURALLY, EXCLUDING THE XYM!

² SEE TWO PINTS OF LAGER AND A PACKET OF CRISPS, SERIES 3, EPISODE 6. CURIOUSLY ALSO ENTITLED DRESSES, DRESSES, DRESSES!

³ WHOA - BACK UP THERE XYM! IF YOU'RE NOT READING IT COZ IT'S OFF TOPIC, HOW DID YOU MANAGE TO COMMENT ON IT IN THE FIRST PLACE!
WELL - IN MY DEFENCE, I WAS GOING FOR THE DAY'S FREE EBOOK LINK, BUT ACCIDENTALLY HIT ONE OF THE SPAM THREADS, AND IMMEDIATELY SAW PEOPLE WERE COMPLAINING WHY PEOPLE WERE COMPLAINING ABOUT THREADS ABOUT DRESSES. I FINALLY DECIDED TO SAY WHY PEOPLE WERE COMPLAINING ABOUT IRRELEVANT THREADS, THEN BUGGERED OFF OUT OF IT! MAKE A STINK THEN LEAVE, LIKE FARTING IN A LIFT. THAT'S THE WAY TO GO!

⁴ WELL, I'M SURPRISED PEOPLE THINK THAT THE XYM IS NOT THE XYM, BUT SOMEONE PRETENDING TO BE THE XYM BY NICKING THE NAME OF THE XYM WITHOUT THE XYM'S KNOWLEDGE! THE XYM ACTUALLY IS THE XYM, YOU DUMBASS'S! THE XYM DOESN'T HIDE BEHIND FALSE ID'S! NO PSEUDONYM XYM!!

⁵ UM... YES! THAT'S WHY IT'S A KINDLE DISCUSSION FORUM, AND NOT A DRESSES FORUM, YOU THICK COW!

Xym's list of exciting stuff (Jan '13)...

A list of upcoming stuffs what The Xym is sort-of looking forward to.

Jump to section:

Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Film

04 Jan 2013	Texas Chainsaw 3D
11 Jan 2013	Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters I thought it was this year… apparently, it's next year. Bollocks.
11 Jan 2013	Les Misérables Movie of the Musical. Hugh Jackman as Valjean, Russell Crowe as Javert, Anne Hathaway as Fantine, Sacha Baron Cohen as Thénardier and... ♥♥♥HELENA BONHAM-CARTER♥♥♥☺ as Madame Thénardier!!
18 Jan 2013	Monsters Inc. 3D
18 Jan 2013	V/H/S Horror anthology
15 Feb 2013	Wreck-It Ralph Video Game boss escapes his game, and goes through the other games in the Arcade. Lots of classic game boss cameos…
22 Feb 2013	Mama New spooky Guillero del Toro movie.
?? Feb 2013	Dark Skies
08 Mar 2013	Oz: The Great & The Powerful Prequel to Wizard of Oz… by Sam Evil Dead Raimi!
22 Mar 2013	Jack The Giant Slayer renamed from Jack The Giant Killer
?? Apr 2013	Oblivion
05 Apr 2013	Stephen King's Carrie Chloe Grace Moretz to play Carrietta White, Julianne Moore to play Margaret White
11 Apr 2013	Macheté Kills Sequel, and Alexa Vega looks… oh my! Oh dear - looks like the producers of the original Macheté are trying to block the release
12 Apr 2013	Evil Dead Remake in progress.
03 May 2013	Iron Man 3 Plot based on the nanotech comic storyline Extremis
17 May 2013	Star Trek 2
14 Jun 2013	Man Of Steel Zack Snyder reboots Superman…
12 Jul 2013	Monsters University Prequel to Monsters Inc.
12 Jul 2013	Pacific Rim Guillero Del Toro's Kaiju homage. Giant sea monsters awaken, only to be fought off by giant robots piloted by humans!
19 Jul 2013	Kick Ass 2: Balls To The Wall
26 Jul 2013	Wolverine, The Hugh Jackman in another X-Men sequel
?? Jul 2013	Robopocalypse Spielberg adap of Daniel H Wilson Rise Of The Machines type novel
09 Aug 2013	Elysium
09 Aug 1013	The Lone Ranger Johnny Depp as Tonto… Also Helena Bonham-Carter's in it… Depp & Helena and NO Tim Burton in sight!
14 Aug 2013	The World's End Final part in Pegg/Frost's Blood & Ice Cream trilogy
04 Oct 2013	Sin City 2: A Dame To Kill For
25 Oct 2013	Paranormal Activity 5 Oh Christ… on and on it goes. And guess what - PA6 has been signed off too!
08 Nov 2013	Thor: The Dark World Christopher Eccleston cast as Malekith
22 Nov 2013	Hunger Games 2: Catching Fire
01 Dev 2013	The Conjuring
13 Dec 2013	Hobbit #2: The Desolation Of Smaug
?? ??? 2013	Dario Argento's Dracula 3D Premiered 19 May 2012 - still awaiting UK release date...
07 Feb 2014	Robocop Remake… and Robocop will have a visor so you can see Murphy's eyes/face. Gary Oldman cast (prob not as Murphy tho')
14 Mar 2014	Maleficent Angelina Jolie cast as Maleficient (looks awesome in the teaser pics)
04 Apr 2014	Captain America: The Winter Soldier
02 May 2014	The Amazing Spider-Man 2
16 May 2014	Ninja Turtles "Teenage Mutant" aspect dropped (again) - please let it not be back to alien space turtles again...
23 May 2014	Dawn of the Planet of the Apes Sequel to Tise of the Planet of the Apes being fast-tracked. Andy Serkis mo-capping again.
29 Jun 2014	Transformers 4
18 Jul 2014	X-Men: Days Of Future Past Or X-Men: First Class 2, if you prefer
01 Aug 2014	Guardians of the Galaxy
21 Nov 2014	Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay pt 1
?? Dec 2014	Hobbit #3: There And Back Again NOW OFFICIALLY CONFIRMED! The Hobbit WILL be a trilogy!
01 May 2015	Avengers 2 Announced 8/8/2012 - Joss Whedon returning to write and direct!
06 Nov 2015	Ant-Man
20 Nov 2015	Hunger Games 3: Mockingjay pt 2
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Blu-Ray

22 Jan 2013	Dead Sushi A mad Japanese scientist injects a reanimatory agent into sushi, bringing it to life and going on the rampage! Psychotic seaweed wrapped rice with slaughterous seafood on the prowl! And they say there are no new ideas in film - killer sushi, who'd've thunk it!
?? ??? 2013	War of the Worlds: Goliath 3D Manga-esque steampunk sequel to WotW (sort of like Scarlet Traces). Release forever being put back…
?? ??? 2013	War Of The Worlds: The True Story Tim Hines accepts flaws on his original WotW, and does a much better job on this faux documentary
14 Jan 2013	Dredd
28 Jan 2013	Looper
28 Jan 2013	Paranorman
01 Mar 2012	Thale Far as I can find out, this is now going straight to DVD/Blu-Ray (was limited showings in Film Festivals, apparently)
04 Mar 2013	Game Of Thrones (series 2)
?? ??? ????	Evangelion 3.33: Quickening
?? ??? ????	Kill Bill Redux Volumes 1 & 2 re-edited into one movie
?? ??? ????	Nightbreed: The Cabal Cut Remember Nightbreed? Snatched out of Clive Barker's hands and the last minute and butchered into a crapfest that made no sense, lost the whole plot and now impossible to get hold of? Well, Clive Barker recently found his VHS copies of the original footage that was thought lost. The film has been painstakingly reconstructed and re-edited to reflect the original vision. This "rough cut" is apparently really fucking brilliant, and pisses all over that shambles that was originally hacked to pieces for the original 1990 release. Obvs, as the extra footage is from Clive Barkers personal VHS collection, it's not great picture quality. However, turns out the "lost" footage isn't lost at all - Morgan Creek are still in possession of it! A negotiation has been agreed for them to release the footage for an uncut special Blu-Ray release... as long as they don't have to pay to produce it. WATCH THIS SPACE!!
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Gigs

21 Mar 2013	Clannad Norwich UEA
21 Mar 2013	The Selector Norwich WhatACunt
30 Mar 2013	Resistanz Corporation, Sheffield
31 Mar 2013	Resistanz Corporation, Sheffield
25 Mar 2013	The Stranglers Norwich UEA
02 MAY 2013	OMD Ipshit Regent
03 May 2013	Simple Minds Norwich UEA
28 May 2013	Depeché Mode The O2, Londinium
15 Jun 2013	Blondie Theford Forest Support by The Lightning Seeds
18 Dec 2013	Fields of the Nephilim/The Mission O2 Academy, Brixton
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Music

?? ??? 2012	Made Glorious The March Violets New Album!
21 Jan 2013	Adam Ant Is the Blueblack Hussar in Marrying the Gunner's Daughter Adam Ant New Double Album. Tracklist: 1. Cool Zombie 2. Stay In The Game 3. Marrying The Gunner's Daughter 4. Vince Taylor 5. Valentines 6. Darlin' Boy 7. Dirty Beast 8. Punkyoungirl 9. Sausage 10. Cradle Your Hatred 11. Hardmentoughblokes 12. Shrink 13. Vivienne's Tears 14. Who's A Goofy Bunny? 15. How Can I Say I Miss You? 16. Bullsh#t 17. How Can I Say I Miss You? (reprise)
?? Mar 2013	Depeché Mode New Album
?? ??? 2013	Fields of the Nephilim New Album! They were actually in the studio recording New Material on 9th Dec 2012!!
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Games

?? ??? 2012	Animal Crossing 3Ds
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Books

?? ??? 2013	Necroscope: The Möbius Murders Lumley, Brian
01 Jan 2013	Sisterhood of Dune Herbert, Brian & Anderson, Kevin J.
?? Feb 2013	Blake's 7: Warship Anghelides, Peter. Expansion of the AudioDrama (eBook only). Fills in the gap beween series 2 & 3 (Episodes Star One and Aftermath)
13 May 2013	Blood of Dragons Hobb, Robin
?? May 2013	Blake's 7: Lucifer Darrow, Paul Picks up where the series left off - what happened to Avon!
18 Jun 2013	The Ocean At The End Of The Lane Neil Gaiman New novel for adults
?? ??? ????	The Chickens of Atlantis and other Foul and Filthy Fiends Rankin, Robert
?? ??? ????	The Crow Shirley, John. New graphic Mini-series, set in Tokyo
?? ??? ????	The Sandman Neil Gaiman - Yes, Neil is writing a new Sandman! This will cover the events Morpheus mentioned prior to his capture by Burgess. From Neil himself: "When I finished writing The Sandman, there was one tale still untold. The story of what had happened to Morpheus to allow him to be so easily captured in The Sandman #1, and why he was returned from far away, exhausted beyond imagining, and dressed for war. It was a story that we discussed telling for Sandman's 20th anniversary... but the time got away from us. And now, with Sandman's 25th anniversary year coming up, I'm delighted, and nervous, that that story is finally going to be told,"
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Audiodrama

?? Feb 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #3 The Armageddon Storm Features original cast members Paul Darrow, Michael Keating, Jan Chappel and Tom Chabdon reprising their roles as Kerr Avon, Vila Restal, Cally and Del Grant
?? Feb 2013	Blake's 7: Warship See book above. Features original cast members Gareth Thomas, Paul Darrow, Michael Keating, Sally Knyvette, Jan Chappell & Jacqueline Pearce reprising their roles as Roj Blake, Kerr Avon, Vila Restal, Jenna Stannis, Cally and Servalan!
?? Feb 2013	Retromancer Robert Rankin adaptation in 13 half-hour episodes. To be aired on BBC Radio Feb 2013
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #4 TBA
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #5 TBA
?? ??? 2013	Blake's 7: The Liberator Chronicles #6 TBA
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

TV

25 Dec 2012	Dr Who Xmas Special The Snowmen.
?? Jan 2013	Primeval: New World Showing in UK on: SyFy
?? Feb 2013	Grimm (Series 2.2) Showing in UK on: Watch
SPRING 2013	Game Of Thrones (series 3) Series three to be A Storm Of Swords, Part 1
?? ??? ????	A.L.F. Yes, they're bringing back ALF from 1980s Melmak…
?? ??? ????	Amazon Reboot of Wonder Woman with a new origins story… renaming Diana Prince as Iris…
?? ??? ????	American Gods HBO mini series being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Produced by Tom Hanks.
?? ??? ????	Bates Motel Psycho: Norman Bates, The Early Years… oh dear…
?? ??? ????	Blake's 7 Another potential reboot. This time optioned to the US.
?? ??? ????	Dracula 10 part series featuring Jonathan Rhys Meyers as The Count
?? ??? ????	Exorcist: The Beginning Spin-off series
?? ??? ????	Gotham
?? ??? ????	Journey To The West 13 part serial being adapted by Neil Gaiman. Probably better known as Monkey! in the UK
?? ??? ????	Stephen King's Under The Dome Scripted by one of the writers of Lost…
?? ??? ????	Neighbours A family move into a new neighbourhood, where the residents are all aliens…
?? ??? ????	New Nabors A family's neighbours turn out to be The Muppets! What's not to like!!
?? ??? ????	Once Upon A Time (Series 2) Showing in UK on: Fi5e
?? ??? ????	S.H.I.E.L.D. Joss Whedon's telly spin-off from The Avengers (Assemble)
?? ??? ????	666 Park Avenue Showing in UK on: ITV2
?? ??? ????	Space 2099 Yes, they're rebooting Gerry Anderson's Space 1999 in a new century…
?? ??? ????	Star Wars: Underworld
Jump to section:	Film --- Blu-Ray --- Gigs --- Music --- Games --- Books --- Audiodrama --- TV --- Films In Development --- In Limbo --- Last month ---

Films In Development

?? ??? 2012	[●REC]4: Apocalypse
?? ??? 2012	Exists Sasquatch hunts humans. From the people who brought you The Blair Witch Project. Oh dear.
?? ??? 2012	Bill & Ted #3
?? ??? 2013	Day of the Triffids Sam "Evil Dead" Raimi producing
?? ??? 2013	Dominion: Dinosaurs vs Aliens Barry Sonnenfield directing Grant Morrisson's adap of his graphic novel
?? ??? 2013	Dracula Eli Roth directing Russell Crowe as Drac…
?? ??? 2013	Girl Who Played With Fire David Fincher's remake of the 2nd Millenium Movie
?? ??? 2013	Human Centipede III: Final Sequence Yes, it's been scripted and the cast signed on to reprise their HC2 roles…
?? ??? 2013	Last Voyage of The Demeter The bit in Dracula where The Count travels in his coffin from Transylvania to England. Expanded into a movie with Viggo "Aragorn, son of Arathorn" Mortensen
?? ??? 2013	Pride and Prejudice... and Zombies
?? ??? 2013	Rentaghost: The Movie Russell Brand has been replaced by Ben Stiller as Fred Mumford
?? ??? 2013	Short Circuit Remake. Oh Mr Johnny Five, this good news, no?
?? ??? 2013	Stephen King's The Stand Remake - latest is that it may be split into several films or another mini-series.
?? ??? 2013	Suspiria Back on again (probably without Natalie Portman now)
?? ??? 2014	Godzilla Warner Brothers reboot. Again.
?? ??? 2014	Jurassic Park 4 Kicking off a new trilogy… oh dearie me…
?? ??? 2014	The Night Stalker Johnny Depp as Kolchak in the film adap of the series
?? ??? 2014	Pinocchio Guillermo del Toro directing
?? ??? 2014	Woman in Black: Angels of Death Hammer's [unnecessary] sequel to The Woman In Black set 20 years later…
?? ??? 2014	Zorro Reborn "The Fox" is rebooted!
Summer 2015	Justice League
?? ??? 2015	Avatar 2
?? ??? 2015	Doctor Who David "Harry Potter" Yates taking it on
?? ??? 2015	Star Wars: Episode VII Matthew Vaughn to direct…
?? ??? 2016	Angry Birds 3D YES! An animated movie about the recovery of eggs from thieving porkers by temper infused avians!
?? ??? 2017	Star Wars: Episode VIII
?? ??? 2019	Star Wars: Episode IX
?? ??? ????	20,000 leagues Under The Sea David Fincher directing. Starts Brad Pitt
?? ??? ????	Abarat Adap of books 1 & 2 of Clive Barker's series. To be produced once books 3 & 5 published.
?? ??? ????	The Amazing Spider-Man 3
?? ??? ????	Assassins Creed Michael Fassbender to star as Altair
?? ??? ????	Atlantis Rising Comic book adap - may be a miniseries?
?? ??? ????	Attack of the Killer Tomatoes Remake in development! Possibly late 2012, or sometime in 2013.
?? ??? ????	Avatar 3
?? ??? ????	Avatar 4 Only a possibility of Avatar 4 at moment
?? ??? ????	Batman Reboot (for a change!). Apparenly, due to the Avengers success, this one is to begin setting up a JLA movie.
?? ??? ????	Beetlejuice 2 Tim Burton back at the helm, and Michael Keaton now signed on to reprise role as Beetlejuice! Written by Seth Grahame-Smith, author of Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter, etc
?? ??? ????	Blade Runner 2 No prequel, and Harrison Ford WON'T be in it… unless Ridley decides he can have a brief cameo.
?? ??? ????	Boy Scouts vs Zombies Jesus. It gets worse…
?? ??? ????	Carpe Diem: The Adventures of a Demon Hunting Soccer Mom With a title like that, I gotta see it!
?? ??? ????	The Crow Legal details now resolved, so reboot going ahead. Can't see this being an improvement on the original.
?? ??? ????	Enormous André "TrollHunter" Øvredal adapting the comic strip for film, webisodes and TV… hold on… weren't they doing that with The Dark Tower? Looks where that's ended up - dropped into Limbo…
?? ??? ????	Fantastic Four Reboot…
?? ??? ????	Flight of the Navigator Remake of the '80s classic
?? ??? ????	Girl Who Kicked The Hornet's Nest Remake of the 3rd Millenium Movie
?? ??? ????	The Graveyard Book Henry Selick adapting another Neil Gaiman book.
?? ??? ????	Heaven Sent Guillermo Del Toro's answer to the Justice League and Avengers movies, but with DC/Vertigo characters Deadman, The Spectre, Alec Holland, John Constantine, The Stranger, Zatanna, Zatara, Sargon and Etrigan the Rhyming Demon. From the title and characters, could be A Murder Of Crows from Saga Of The Swamp Thing?
?? ??? ????	Hellboy 3 Guillermo Del Toro has started work on it!
?? ??? ????	Hellraiser In development
?? ??? ????	Here There Be Monsters 18th Century sea monster stuff
?? ??? ????	Highlander Reboot up again…
?? ??? ????	Hulk 3
?? ??? ????	I Am Legend 2 How can he be a legend again? Oh, he wasn't in the first film either… JUST MAKE "I AM LEGEND" PROPERLY!
?? ??? ????	Stephen King's 'IT' Back on again! Cary Fukunaga relaces David Kajganich as writer, and becomes director. Also, it's being split into 2 movies (like the mini-series, then!)
?? ??? ????	Jitters Giant killer insects…
?? ??? ????	Legend of Conan As if Rocky Balboa and John J. Rambo's decrepit outings of an ancient weren't enough OAP porn for ya, Arnie returns in Conan: The Old Gimmer or some such!
?? ??? ????	Little Shop Of Horrors Remake of the Musical version, developed by (and starring) Joseph Gordon-Levitt
?? ??? ????	Logan's Run Rumour is the remake's back on again…
?? ??? ????	Masters Of The Universe Prince Adam of Eternia returns as He-Man!
?? ??? ????	Monsters: Dark Continent Sequel to Monsters. As of the original borefest wasn't enough tedium for anyone, they want to bore us to death again!
?? ??? ????	Monty Python's… Untitled tale of aliens giving superpowers to a human for laughs. All the remaining Pythons… except, of course, Eric Idle who's refusing at the moment.
?? ??? ????	The Mummy Part of Universal's 100 year celebrations, another reboot
?? ??? ????	Myst Right. Latest is that there were… disagreements... on how to proceed. Those set on adapting The Book Of Ti'ana, and who though that wasn't a good introduction to Myst and wanted a new direction. Acrimonious splits ensued. When film the rights came to the end of the option period, a second lease was refused, and the option has been passed to Delve Films. Amongst the bitching, the film is slowly being developed again... but I wouoldn't hold my breath if I were me!
?? ??? ????	Necroscope FX Artist Glenn Hetrick (one of the judges on SyFy channel's "Face Off") has announced he is working on the project!
?? ??? ????	Neuromancer Adap of William Gibson novel
?? ??? ????	Night Of The Living Tim Burton & Seth Grahame-Smith developing
?? ??? ????	Paranormal Activity 6
?? ??? ????	Poltergeist Sam Raimi remaking
?? ??? ????	Prometheus 2 Script now being written…
?? ??? ????	Shadow of the Colossus Adaptation of the game
?? ??? ????	Tape 4 Some Lovecratian terror!
?? ??? ????	Time After Time Remake of the 80s classic - Jack The Ripper escapes to modern times in HG Wells Time Machine, chased by… HG Wells himself!
?? ??? ????	Timecrimes US Remake of the Spanish classic
?? ??? ????	Triplets! Sequel to Twins! Schwarzenegger and DeVito discover their long-lost Brother (Eddie Murphy)… Recently confirmed by DeVito as actually being in development. Oh dear….
?? ??? ????	Tron 3 Confirmed by Bruce Boxleitner!
?? ??? ????	Two Worlds Colliding Michael Hutchence/INXS biopic
?? ??? ????	Van Helsing Reboot, with Tom Cruise as Van Helsing…
?? ??? ????	Venom Spidey-Man spin off
?? ??? ????	Videodrome Remake back on the table…
?? ??? ????	Wayne's World 3 Mike Myers has written a first draft…
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In Limbo

IN LIMBO	Akira Production once again halted…
IN LIMBO	At The Mountains Of Madness Guillerro Del Toro's plans are ruined. Ridley Scott's Prometheus is more-or-lese the same concept.
IN LIMBO	Chrome Pendragon Pictures sci-fi flick
IN LIMBO	Stephen King's The Dark Tower Dropped (again!). Hoping to be picked up by another company…
IN LIMBO	Forbidden Planet Remake written & directed by Babylon 5's J. Michael Straczynski
IN LIMBO	Ghostbusters 3 Officially dead. Bill Murray has said NO WAY, and unless he's on board, there will be no movie
IN LIMBO	Good Omens Gaiman/Pratchett movie adaptation to be directed by Terry Gilliam
IN LIMBO	Hawk The Hunter Sequel to Hawk The Slayer, currently awaiting funding.
IN LIMBO	Hawk The Destroyer Final in the Hawk trilogy. Presumably waiting for funding, or after Hawk The Hunter
IN LIMBO	Hallowe'en Reboot on hold, whilst they concentrate on he Hellraiser remake
IN LIMBO	Hallowe'en III 3D Either a remake of the Nigel Kneale Silver Shamrock version, or a sequel to Rob Zombie's crapfest
IN LIMBO	Mockingbird Lane Remake of The Munsters. CANCELLED AFTER THE PILOT. PILOT MAY NOT BE SCREENED OUTSIDE THE US. ALL OTHER DEVELOPMENT ON HOLD.
IN LIMBO	Neverwhere Gaiman movie adaptation awaiting a director
IN LIMBO	Power of the Dark Crystal Sequel to The Dark Crystal Back on hold as of 21 Feb 2012, as OmniLab cut all funding due to the failure of their crap film 'The Killer Elite'. The Henson Group may speak to them later in 2012 about further development, or seek a new partner, or can the whole project. Again.
IN LIMBO	Sandman Gaiman TV Series adaptation awaiting a suitable director - Eric Kripke (Supernatural) was promising, but eventually turned down.
IN LIMBO	Tripods, The Movie adaptation of the trilogy, re-set in America.
IN LIMBO	Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me, Teresa Banks And The Last Seven Days Of Laura Palmer Remastered DVD/Blu-Ray with deleted scenes
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Last month

31 Dec 2012	Grabbers Irish equivalent of Tremors
29 Dec 2012	Rolling Stoned Essexland
26 Dec 2012	Total Recall (the remake). Steelbook
20 Dec 2012	Life Of Pi
20 Dec 2012	Frozen Interpretation of Hans Christian Andersons "Snow Queen"
19 Dec 2012	Sleigh in the UK The Wonder Stuff, PWEI and Jesus Jones! Shepherd's Bush Empire
14 Dec 2012	Hobbit #1: An Unexpected Journey
13 Dec 2012	Blake's 7: Archangel Harrison, Scott New B7 novel set between series 2 episodes 6 (Trial) and 7 (Killer)
11 Dec 2012	iTré! Green Day New Album!
11 Dec 2012	Human League Norwich UEA
07 Dec 2012	Pout At The Devil Norwich WhatACunt
05 Dec 2012	Gary Numan Norwich UEA NOTE RESCHEDULED DATE!!!
03 Dec 2012	The Dark Knight Rises Not only a Steelbook, but there's a Broken Mask sculpted edition too (£45 off've HMV). Oooooh!
03 Dec 2012	Thin Lizzy Norwich UEA
Decemb 2012	e-Book back Catalogue Now being dip-fed onto Amazon
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