"I really can't understand why you're single. You're hot, funny, good company, a real Gentleman, and would treat any woman like a Princess and treat her really special. Honestly, I really don't understand why you don't have a Pretty of your very own."
Well, apart from the obvious drawback of being a facially challenged short fat gothboy with preposterous hair and ludicrous moustachios flailing about down The WhatACunt looking all gay with a feather in his ear and dangling scarves with a ringly dingly tinkling from the bells on me belt, all I has going for me is my scent of Alien and A*Men.
But, apparently, The Xym being a total shyboy and scaredycat who dare not approach Pretties to engage in converse is NOT the reason for his lack of a Pretty for a partner. Oh no. The general consensus is:
a) People mistake Xym's Sister Jo for his Wife/Girlfriend (this is Norfolk - that's just how Brothers and Sisters are here!);
b) Xym is blind to Pretties who are (allegedly) interested in him; and
c) The Xym is too. bloody. fussy!
Eh, whut? The Xym? Fussy? Has these people not seen The Xym wriggling his Mayall fingerage at a total variety of Babes? Have they not seen his FaceBook
Fussy my best hat!
I see I'm going to have to create a vast montage to display "my type" to avoid accusations of fussyness... which is apparently:
A Pretty who is small yet tall, with huge tits and quite small knockers, who's stick thin and voluptuously curvy, A fat arse with no bum at all, Pretty and "What The Hell Do You See In Her, the ugly cow?". Big huge messy hair, which is blonde & curly, yet straightened & brown, multicolored and dreadlocked in a short cropped bob. You know - ginger, dyed purple.
I disagree with all that contradictory bobbins - I reckon "My Type" is that rare beauty with an obscure fetish for facially challenged short fat gothboys with preposterous hair and ludicrous moustachios who lumber about down The WhatACunt looking all gay with a feather in his ear and dangling scarves with a ringly dingly tinkling from the bells on his belt and an alluring aroma of Alien and A*Men who also happens to be a shyboy who, like a scaredycat, flees rather than approach Pretties to engage in converse (said converse being total bollocks, as neatly displayed from the contents of these pages).
Not that it matters anyways. Anyone The Xym takes a shine to is either married or in long term relationships... and even if they weren't, having a disfigured troll leering at them isn't exactly appealing to them. And if by some miracle they did, they would have to be approved and vetted by the triumvirate of Cheryl, Gio and Jo. And even after that, they would have to come up with some Machavellian scheme to lure The Xym into some form of scenario where he would be forced to face a female and talk to her!
And that ain't something that's gonna happen anytime soon, for lavatorical needs always provide a handy escape!
Mwah ha ha ha ha ha!
1 AND XYM'S OCCASIONAL WIFE WHEN SHE REQUIRES REBUFFMENT FROM RUFFIANS SEEKING TO RAPE AND RAVISH HER ON THE DANCEFLOOR.
2 AND HERE IS THAT COVER (CLICK TO EMBIGGEN) - HOT OR WHAT!
AND FOR MAH PRETTIES DOWN THE WHATACUNT - THIS ONE IS MY SISTER:
REPEAT - MY SISTER. NOT MY OTHER HALF. DESPITE APPEARANCES, I AM AVAILABLE LADIES, SO YOU NEEDN'T GET ALL WELL JEL, SO YOU CAN COME AND DANCE LIKE THAT WITH THE XYM ANYTIME!
4 WELL, APART FROM A WAX SEX-DOLL OF AMEH, THAT REDHEAD & JESS FROM THE POUSSÉZ POSSÉ AND HBC (OBVS!).
