Whoa! Watch out vin Diesel!
Watching that there hi-octane carporn and babe filled fuelfest last night seems to have talked it up into real life!
Saw this morning's paper - granny mown down by hit and run driver!
And not just any old hiot-and-run...
a hit-and-run with a mobility scooter!
Yes! Some disabled (or morbidly obese) petrol head, high on Top Gear and enraged at A TOSS(er) taking away their benefits, the streets are awash with Mad Max style marauders in mobility machines!
According to an unbiased witness (daugher of the victim), The Toecutter saw the dear little white haired kindly old grannie hobbling down the street with her cane, and sped down the street, ramming granny up the arse and throwing her high into the air, and roared off down the road!
Just like in The Duke Of Hazard. probably.
Presumably, the scooter must have had some Nitrous Oxide boosted twin turbo jet engined jobbie to cause such a flying impact, let alone be caught by any pedestrian or headed off by a car!
Hit-and-Run by a mobility scooter, who raced away scott free!
I tell you, if that old baggage in Startbucks with her reversing horn starts burning rubber doughnuts in the floor, she'll have me to answer to...
...unless the mobility scooter is possessed like Chistine!
Not the strawberry girl, the Plymouth Fury. A cherry red mobility scooter, off on it's own murderous rampage, blaring out Daniel O'Donnel and Slim Whitman tunes as it repairs itself and seeks wewengay upon those who advocate the ATOS tests and such. Arnie Cuntingham running amok in a shopping mall as his beloved mobility scooter gets him hot babes galore whilst hunting down octogenarian OAPs to narrow down the benefit pool. Less Oldies, less pensions to pay out, more money available to leg disabled gays!
or something.
"C'mon Dennis - I want that scooter!"
"Leave it Arnie - Mr LeBay - please don't sell him that deathtrap"
"Son, the boy knows his mind. Smell that seat - ain't no finer smell in the world. 'cept maybe for pussy"
"Yeah, but that leather is soiled with the incontinent foulding of fat old gits. Skiddy knickered, piss-soaked, fart fed and covered in Greggs Steak Bake pastry crumbs"
"Dennis - don't spoil it for me OK? Leigh Cabot's gonna be my mobility scootin' pillion pussy"
"It's your life, man. Just don't come running down the centre of the road when it's chasing you down in jealousy and you can't outrun it like Moochie."
"Fuck man, as if Christine, I mean, Jade Chantell Stace Babes, could get up to speeds to hit-and-run any shiteaters that diss mah ride, innit bruv"
etc, etc...
