Yikes! It be a day of doom and portents of Evil.
And not Evil Ken's weasel.
For today be the arising of ye Antichrist. Or his conception. or something.
Anyhoo, it's June - the sixth month.
And it's the sixth day of the sixth month.
And it's 2013. And 2+0+1+3 = Six!
Six! Six! Six!
Or נרון קסר to you and I.
So, anyone aroused by the morning wood of their partner, and lulled into an early breakfast of kippers & cream, if their fornications culminated at precisely 6 seconds past 6 minutes past 6, they've spawned ye sonne of ye olde cloven hooved git of a goaty bloke.
Although that there god is a bit of a cunt as well. Just because Lucifer Morningstar wanted a go on god's cloud, god ripped his wings off and gave him a faunish look about the nether regions. A donkey cock is all very well, thank you god, but why send him off to rule Inferni with flammable furry feet. It's certainly a Health & Safety risk, and it'll serve god right if Satan sues him for Suffering An Accident At Work. It's only a matter of time before Ye Defiler brushed up against a botty burning pitchfork and sets his legs aflame. Although god would probably wriggle out of paying out, citing some "Will Of Me" clause, the cunt.
Of course, you can relax a bit, coz that's a load of cold arse gravy, coz as everyone knows, them there Priests didn't include Women when making up, I mean, documenting The Lords Word To Make Women Subservient And Gain Power. For if they had, that woman would use her intelligence to point out that men can't even count properly, and the actual number is נרו קסר, which is 50 Less. Which would make Conception Day the 6th of January 2013!
Although the men would probably pat the bimbo on the head before it exploded, and point out that the number of Sol (the Sun) is 640, and if you add 26 (the number of Tetrapacked Gammon), you get 666. Ergo, The number of the Sun (Son) Of The Lord is 666 - The Number Of The Beast!
"But then," the woman would point out, "surely that would make Jesus the Antichrist. For if the number of the Son (sun) of the Lord (or שמש יהוה if you prefer) is 666 and the Son of The Lord is Jesus... and anyways, if הוהי is the unknowable and unpronouncable name of god, how come you can pronounce it as Tetragrammaton. Or Yahweh. Or Jehovah? Or Adonai? Or iao - he went on to have that top ten pop hit Rapture!"
For which she would be soundly stoned and a bunch of choirboys bummed and fiddled with to prove their devotion to a manly god who is a man who obliterated Sodom and Gomorrah as they were too busy bumming each other, instead of keeping it in between the pews.
Anyhoo, my sorrows upon anyone unknowing impregnated with the Dark Lord's Offspring.
Unless...
...oh feck - perhaps it's not Hellspawning copulation day... what if it's the Arising of The Antichrist, having been born yonks back!
Eeep! Armageddon at 6:06 (and 6 seconds tonight)! Better keep an eye on the news then. Let's just check the telly schedule, see if there's be a news bulletin just after 6pm... here we go... BBC - News, ITV - news... wait a minute...
ITV2 - The Jeremy Kyle Show USA - or JayKay In da USA as the pre-show voice over likes to dumb down for it's core audience of drunken jobless chavs on drugs (which they watch during their constant unprotected doggie style sex with multiple partners, whilst thieving the jewellery hidden under the mattress and being a deadbeat dad and a bad mum going for custody via a contact centre with Graham's help).
Well, we all knew he's the most Evil, Dishonest, Nasty piece of shit slimy dirtbag ever to walk the Earth, but I think this proves exactly why!
The Antichrist! Bringing about the Apocalypso by sowing discord with DNA Tests and Lie Detector tests1!
1 FIXED THE DISCLAIMER FOR YOU JEZZA!
THE LIE DETECTOR TEST IS DESIGNED TO INDICATE WHETHER SOMEONE IS BEING DECEPTIVE. PRACTITIONERS WHO MAKE MONEY OFF THE BACK OF IT CLAIM ITS RESULTS HAVE A HIGH LEVEL OF ACCURACY, ALTHOUGH THIS IS DISPUTED BY EVERY SCIENTIFIC TEST EVER MADE AND BY ANYONE WHO NO VESTED INTEREST OR PROFITS FROM THE LIE-DETECTOR MACHINE.
