Anyhew, Tracey Thorn may be happy with her coffee based creamy treat from the Co-Op or Iceland, but not dumped old gits.
On Sunday, I was in Cambridge, and partook of a Wetherspoons Xmas lunch. Nom-nom-Nom I hear you cry!
Well, they had desserts for £2 (or £3.20 of you went for a normal non-offer meal). Xmas pud and custard - hey Nommy-nom I hear you cry (except them freaks what don't like Xmas pud).
Obviously a tasty inexpensive treat is not enough to sate the appetite when you've been been dumped after three years, so the only pick me up you need is Chocolate Pudding with edible gold & strawberry champagne caviar.
All for a mere £22,000!
That's 1,100,000% more than I paid for me pud!
So what's so special about austerity afters? Well, first of all, it's shaped like a Fabergé egg. It's layers of champage jelly, light biscuit joconde, slathered in bitter dark chocolate with some gold leaf stuck on.
Oh, and instead of a cherry, it's got a diamond on top.
So basically, you're not paying for an expensive dessert, you're buying a diamond with dessert attachment!
Ans as for 'joconde' as it's just a word the chef made up to make it sound poncey enough to charge more for.
"I am making a cheesecake. I need to crack on with the biscuit base"
"How much you charging?"
"Oh, £2.50 a slice"
"Is that all? Tell you what, forget the base - use a biscuit joconde instead!"
"What the feck is a joconde"
"No-one knows - Just say it's a light mousse de fromage avec champignon lovingly spooned over a biscuit joconde and charge £2,500 a slice!"
"Isn't champignon mushrooms?""
"Well, most gormster gourmets will think champignon is champagne, and for them who know it's mushrooms, we'll pretend it's a 'twist' on a quiche!"
"But I don't like joconde. I like....
...
...base base base base
I like the buttery biscuit base
I like the base base biscuit base
I like the buttery biscuit base
I like the base,
I like the buttery base
I like the buttery biscuit base
I like the buttery base, I like the buttery base
B-b-base base base base
Base knowledge!
Crunchy base
Nutty base
I like the buttery biscuit base
Acid base
Smack around the face
I like the buttery biscuit base
Hard base
soft base,
I like the buttery biscuit base
I like the buttery base
I like the buttery base
But it needs more oomph!
That base
That base
That base - oopmh!
That toasty nutty base
That biscuit base base,
That base base
That toasty base
That base
That rubbery base
slimy base
That base base base base
Base underneath
That base, that base
That toasty nutty base
I like the base base base base
I like the buttery biscuit base
I like the base base biscuit base
I like the buttery biscuit base
I like the base
I like the buttery base
I like the buttery biscuit base
I like the buttery base
I like the buttery base
I like the buttery biscuit base
But but it
but but but but but but it but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but
But but it
but but but but but but it but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but but
but it needs to be a little bit deeper!
And then
Bang!
In comes the wobble base
Wobble base
Wobble wobble wobble base
Wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble base
Wobble base
Wobble base
Wobble wobble wobble base
Wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble base
Wobble base
Wobble base
Wobble wobble wobble base
Wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble base
Wobble base
Wobble base
Wobble wobble wobble base
Wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble
Aah
Wobble wobble wobble wobble wobble
It overpowers everything
That base base
that base base
That toasty nutty base
That base base
That base base
That toasty base
That base
Crunchy
Meaty
Jammy
Spongy
Gooey
Nutty
Rubbery
Greasy
Slimy
Toasty
Sticky
Hard
Buttery biscuit base!
Oomph!"
