I ain't 'fraid of no oats...

Aaarrrggh!

There be Fortean foodstuffs arising and supporting their baked brethren!

Now, I've just been for a poo. As you do. And on my return from dropping the kids off at the pool, I noted that by The Gents, on a cupboard at the end of Babe Boulevard, there is a discarded copy of last Wednesday's Daily Jugs.

And my eyes were struck by the shock headline:

PORRIDGE VOTES!

Inanimate bowls of quaking oaty goodness, taking to the polls and casting their decision upon something-or-other!

And one can only conclude that it's taken until today for the Oats So Simple votes to be counted. And what actually is it that porridge votes on?

Well, judging by The Tories, sorry Coalition, U-Bend of cancelling the 20% VAT on ambient pasties, clearly Ready Brek is not happy with just saving their pastry bedmates, for the watery milky meal went one further and voted on a cut in caravans!

So, what does this mean for the rest of The Cuts?

Poligrip rising up and voting for overturning the Granny Tax?

Protractors and rulers voting for a U-Boa on Tuition fees?

Big hefty tankers, discharging their seamen to vote on it's behalf againt Fuel Tax hikes?

No wonder I can never find the TV/DVD/Video/PS3/Virgin Media Box remotes - they're all off down the Community Centre! Sentient appliances voting against austerity!

Grease is the word
It's the word
That you heard
It's got groove
It's got meat in

(because it's just been scraped out the frying pan and therefore engrained with granular bits of bacon, sausage & black pudding that once sizzled in the pan, before taking their leave and breaking their fast down the polling station with the museli, gruel porridge and cornflakes).

Porrige votes indeed - with them politic men stop at nothing to increase their share of the vote? Recalibrate boundaries and include the rights of telepathic vegetables before they rise up in a tide of herbivorian vengeance.

Or something...