Because it's dangerous!
Going to visit your mad dad
Erm, (a) me dad's not mad, and (b) he's dead. Thanks for nothing "Hive"
Or shopping for some trousers
When it starts snowing on your schnowsers
Whoa! Hold on there - what the fuck're "schnowsers"? There's no such thing! And assuming I has more than one schnowser, why would they be exposed, let alone stationary long enough to have some form of icy build up on them?
While Hive is busy controlling your heating at home
By Hive, you mean British Gas, in order to con people it's not the shitearse British Gas by claiming to be "Hive"
You could bemaking origami
From a slice of beef pastrami
No, you couldn't. It's unhygenic, and you can't fold pastrami like paper - it's too thin and floppy!
Or having a kick about
With a team of giant trout
No, you couldn't. Apart from the cruelty to fish, forcing them to play football, they would asphyxiate due to being out of water well before the kick off. And you couldn't play against "giant" trout. Unless you're in Fukushima.
While British Gas ain't controlling my heating at home
Being naughty in the park
And being out on a register
Racing badgers for a lark
Avian prizes are not acceptable sports trophies. Besides, the badgers are all covered in TB and culled, so you wouldn't want to race them anyways!
Or taking your parrot to Milan
Like, why? And it'd get impounded by customs, and you'd be arrested for illegally immigrating wildlife like a smug smuggler smuggling pirated parrots. or something.
With absolutely no idea or plan
Hence the airport arrest.
While Hive is busy at pissing The Xym off at home
I really loathe that advert!
