with their long flowing manes
That's walkin' on t'right!
That's walkin' on t'right!
Prithee regard, for thy Knight Errant Sir Xym shall tutor thee in acceptable deportment.
Deploring ye lack of courtesty upon ye kinges highway, I wouldst have thee harken to mine instruction in both etiquette1 and proper decorum.
Be it known that when thy instructor tells thee to walk on the right side, thy instructor does not mean the right side. Thy tutor means the correct side, which be thine left. The right side is left, the right hand side is wrong.
As all the world knows, before mad physiks and their torturous experimentations invented Left Handed deformities, every Knight Of Good Virture was instructed that a Man Of Honor walks on the left side of a walkway, for this leaveth thy right hand free to draw thy weapon from thine scabbard, and flourish it without obstruction. For if thou find thyself on the right, thine draw would be impeded by a wall, and thus thine enemy wouldst strike thee down (AND PROBABLY BECOME MORE POWERFUL THAN THOU CAN EVER IMAGINE).
Furthermore, if thou findst thyself accompanying an Lady, then the Lady must be on the left, and thou should be on her right, thus protecting her from scurrilous knaves and hoofy mudspray whilst leaving thine sword arm free to defend her ample charms.
My fellow chivalrous Lords, step not aside for peasants, but politely abjure their lack of courtly manners. Forasmuch as they blaspheme and profanitate at thy good self, know that thou art on the correct pathway and they should make way for THEE - it was ever thus; the scabrous scavengers of Chavdom that perform their loutish misdeeds should make way for their betters.
Engage not in ye Dance Of Passing - where thy protaganist will try and engage thee in collissual avoidance by weaving left and right. Either stand they ground and challenge the uncouth urchin to a duel, or (even though thy lout should give way to thee), step further to the left. If ye craven fellow stil faileth to move to the correct side of the pathway, thou art free to strike him down.
And if thine adversary runs into into thine person - spewing forth insults, demand apologies and advising thou should scy thy path beforehand, prithee - recite the following admonishment:
"I apologize, good Sir. I apologize that your parents saw fit not to educate thee with any sence of propriety. If thou canst not walk on the correct side of the pathway, to whit; the left, then thou are an ignorant swine whose mother once dallied with a pig whilst thine father took pleasure of a lamb. Furthermore, thou cans't not say "look where you're going" for if THOU wert looking were THOU wert going also, THOU could have avoided the inevitable collision."
Note to thineself: t'wouldst to well to ensure that ye are encased in thine armour, as such a polite remonstration often leads to them attempting to perform a smiting upon thee.
Forasmuch as I hath instructed thee not to suffer passage of serf in thine path or to thy left, thou shalt make exception for a Lady, for a Lady is held in esteem above all others, and thou shalt not question her path. Thou shalt give way to a Lady in all things.
But not manchavs.
Honestly - think of it like roads - we drive on the left. Why? Because, because we're brought up to live with a sense of decorum, honor, and chivalry.
That's why foreigners drive on the right, coz they're uneducated, ill-mannered louts who don't know any better, who'd rather try and climb like a lizard up Tesco's wall on their right and inconveniencing those traversing in the correct direction (namely, me!)...
1NOTE TO CHAVS AND OTHER ILL MANNERED OIKS - ST ETIENNE IS NOT THE SAME THING...
