If he couldn't run away
And would you...
Would you brandish a torch
at Xym?
And would you...
Would you brandish a torch
at Xym?
Oh yeah! I'm a star!
Had to leave work a bit later than usual last night, but what a surprise! Hordes of Admirers of The Xym are lining the pavements of my route home!
A Pretty here, a Serious Pretty there, many dragging along their reluctant partners, uninterested feral brats and tied-down-into-perambulator-and-forced-to-endure-mum's-adoration-of-The-Xym brood.
Well, what an impressive turn-out for the books!
And all for me! Blocking the pavements for a glimpse of Xym and a-waving at him sailing past down the road!
But, alas, none sat atop shoulders of their menfolk, baring their baps and pointing their pillows of norkitudinal dirtyness in my direction, begging for a spot of 50 States Of Earl Grey Teabagging.
However, having so many Pretties dampening their drawers over The Xym, the menfolk are getting all riled up. There's rumour that they're awaiting the now legendary Flaming Torch. Once it arrives, it'll be all ye ancientte mobbe and "Up Pitchforks and Storm Xym's Castle, lads! Slay the beast! Destroy the monster! Save our women from his lecherous gaze!"
Hold on Xym - are you sure you're not confusing your so-called "crowds of admirers" with crowds of people wanting to see the Olympic Torch pass through Norwich because it's route just happens to coincide with your route home?
Don't be so stupid! Who would want to mong about for hours on end, obstructing the Queens pavement, just to watch some sporting loon to run past holding aloft an oversized Cornetto cone.
An oversized Cornetto cone that lacks for Ice Cream at that!
I've heard of these so-called "Window Lickers"1, presumably they're only here for a lick of the stawberry creamy icyness as the Sun came out. Hah! Try licking THAT orangey goodness, and they'll end up with a blistered tongue!2
As if anyone's gonna loiter about for a glimpse of some woman running down the road in tight camel hoofed lyra, busoms all a-bouncing whilst brandishing a huge phallic symbol in her hand!
Nah - they were deffo all out for Celebrity Xym!
1 SADLY NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH CARPET MUNCHERS
2 CARPET MUNCHING BURNS. OR SOMETHING. PROBABLY. OR NOT. AS THE CASE MAY BE.
