...by the Dawn's early light...
That's no dawn...
Gaaaah! It's the headlamps of invading spacemonsters hell bent on exterminating mankind!
On the 4th of July, no less!
So it's up to the Americans to save us all!
As long as they get lasered up first - the only reason we're under attack by betentacled beasties from the outer rim is because them damn Yanks kidnapped stranded crashees and repeatedly play 5 musical notes at them. Still, could be worse, could be playing the music of 5ive at them! Or worse, breach the Geneva Convention with torture by the playing of the alleged "music" of C******y. Imprisoning the intergalatic castaways in some Roswellian POOS (prisoner of outer space) camp, it's up to some Rampaging Rambos from beyond the stars to rescue their comrades in multiple arms.
And by arms, I mean tentacles, what all proper space beasties have.
It's Rambo II all over again.
"Ag ak ak ag! Ag ag ag AAAARK!" [go to Earth. Find any missing POOS]
"Ag ag. Ak ag aga! Ak ag ak $^XL34E ag Zorbak ag ag" [There's a big jobbie in the bogs. Just wont flush. I blame $^XL34E and that Zorbian curry he has last night.]
"Ag. Ag. Akkak Ag. Ak ag ag ak." ["ha. ha. fucking ha. Fuck off and don't get caught"]
Finds missing POOS, recovery craft flies off, Space Rambo is caught!
"Yo, alien dude! I say we nuke your planet, yeah? Contact your ship, you space terrorist"
"ak ak ak ak" [Captain, you fucker]
"Ag, ak ag ag ak! Ak aggggg - Ag ak ak" [Hey, you weren't supposed to find anything! But nooooo - you had to find them, and try and bring one back"]
"Ak. Ag ak ak AG" [Captain. I'm coming for you!]
Cue theft of UFA from Hangar 19. Space Rambo shooting up Vietnamese American soldiers. Rocket lasers blowing up bridges1. Space Rambo enters Area 51 - his comrades tortured and vivisectioned! He finds a cell of skeletal aliens, and leads them back to his aircraft.
"Agak AKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAG!" [Space ADRIANNE!]
Blowings up of Wright Patterson Air-Force. Cue Major Martian, Space Rambo's SAS (Space Alien Squad) Instructor
"Ak ag akkag Johnny. Ag ak ak ak" [Give it up Space Johnny. You can't win.]
"Ag ak ag ak". [Don't push me, Sir]
"Boys, while them Muslim Monsters from Outer Space are arguin', nuke their ship. And get me a Burger and Fries. And a Coke. And go Large on it, or I'll go large on your ass. You hear me private! Fire up that cannon, and blow their Islamic Invadin' asses to Hell. Gahd Bless Amerikah"
♫It's a long Road♪Well, not so much a road♫More a wormhole♪That tears your ship apart♫
Or something...
1JEFF BRIDGES. PROBABLY.
