...abduction by bumrapey monsters from outer space!
Possibly.
See, the Alarum went of this fair morrow at the usual time. Not a problem so far.
Washy washy, clothe up, check the time - 6:51... hold on... the VCR is 5 mins behind the tellybox! Where's me chronograph? Ah, now, let's see. OK, the VCR has lost time. Go off the telly & watch, and hit the road!
Travelly travelly... hmmm... I hit the Magdalen Street Circulatory System and it's a tad busier than usual. Bugger it - just because it's slightly spitting a teensy bit of drizzle, everyone has to get into their car and drive!
So, crawl up Grapes Hill... oooh, THAT'S why it's all slow - paramedics, broken buses all buggering up St Stephens Roustabout!
Get's past that... bit of a queue for the car park this morning...
Hold up... there's loads of cars here! There's only every 3 or 4!
*checks watch*
WTF - 8:17? I'm an hour and 10 minutes later than usual! Timestorm - I've somehow lost over an hour without realising it!
It's Betty And Barney Mound-Of-Rubble all over again! Missing Time = Anal Probeage and mindwipe so you don't remember the horror of being inseminated by randy Space Monsters on a Club Eighteenterrestrial-To-Millenia holiday for Space, Solar Seas, and Sex with earth women. And blokes. Because they'll shag anything, them space monsters with their breeding program.
Even cattle, coz they have to core out their bungholes and quims so we don't find Alien Spunks.
That said, I think I was caught lucky during my Lost Time, for I arrived with an unsore bot. However, I do have a bit of a sore throat.
Which means although they thankfully saved my posterior from forced entry, I probably got throatraped, and am now harbouring one of them their Xenomorphs in my belly.
Xenomorphs! Terracotta plasticine stop-motion extratesticles, biting through my belly then rampaging across the Earth with double claymation extracting double jaws!
There was always something a bit dodge about Chas, being all white plasticine... I reckon it was one of them white Greybeard lab coats, and he engineered it all! Why couldn't he engineer Xenamorphs? Creatures that somehow morph into scantily clad Warrior Princesses, high kicking in short skirts, skimpy pants, leather boots and battle-y unsuitable bikini-tops covered in silver.
But noooooo - I has to be abducted by Dreamcatchin' Mr Grey and his shit weasel (and by shit weasel, I mean hairy brown eye poker, as in cock. perhaps)... Oh no... I mean.. .OH MY!
"Totes Amazeballs! This is so representitive of our readers experiences! BUY NOW and savour the delights of hentai tentacle reproduction methods from outer space" ~ Jordan Titwank in The Sunday Spurt
On the other hand... I suppose I could have turned the alarm off, fell asleep for an extra hour, and misread 7:51 as 6:51... but that seems rather unlikely to me...
