...dont give me any speed
Low. Est. oh-oft!
Low. Est. oh-oft!
Gawd-diggity-nammit pardners!
I wuz sure lookin' forward to speedboatin' over the Norfolk Broads!
Which, isn't a euphamism for sexual shennanigans above local sirenesque skater stumpets1.
More's the pity!
Anyhoo, we were all booked in for a day (10 mins) of hardcore speedboat action! And it got cancelled because there was a bit of a breeze. Or a slight swell. Or something.
Day ruined! Stuck at home with Columbo on the Tellybox when I should be jumping over bridges and swampbushes in a speedboat like James Bond in Live & Let Die!
James Bond? The Xym? Ha ha ha ha ha! You's more like Sherriff J.W.Pepper, you great fat ton o'lard!
"They's cancelled the boat? Call my brother-in-law, Billy Bob. He's got the fastest boat on the whole damn river. Billy Bob'll sure enough fix their ass! Yeah, call Billy B... hey Cheryl, you sure do have a purty mouth..."
Oooh - such talk of rotundities of lawblokes reminds me - The Xym's aural auguries of auspiciousness arose last night at Shitploppin' down The Whatacunt!
There we were, all a-jivin' to The Charlatans and their popular mono-ocular færie song2, when I happened to mention to The Mappster:
"Oooh, we should request some Carter!"
"No - this is The Charlatans"
"No - we should request some Carter - Sherriff Fatman!"
"oh aye, yeah!"
And the dwarven cyclopian song fades out and...
...lo, The Xym spake, and thus it was! and...
he just chuckles and smiles
and laughs like a madman
Ladies and gentlemen,
I give you
XYM THE FAT GIT!
Oh, if only my vocalised predictive portents could prophesise Pretties on my prognosticatory horizon!
Speak, and it shall be!
I'm so gonna pull next time I'm down The Whatacunt3 (*ahem* That's this Saturday, 21st July, my Xym obsessed Pretties! I'll be there, waiting for YOU. Yes YOU, my Beautiful Lady xxx *ahem*)
1ONE OF WHICH DOES ACTUALLY HATE ME! APPARENTLY NOT FOR THE REASON I THOUGHT I WAS DE-FRIENDED. NO - NOT THE COMEDIC LECHEROUS PERVOSITY OF WHEELED PRETTIES THAT THE XYM HATH RAISED TO AN ART FORM, BUT FOR SOME OTHER REASON. A REASON THAT CANNOT BE REMEMBERED! EH - EVER POPULAR, THE XYM IS! HOW TO ALIENATE FRIENDS AND MAKE ENEMAS, THAT'S ME!
2THE ONLY ONE EYED GNOME
3HA HA HA. AS IF! WE ALL KNOW YOU, XYM! YOU'RE TOO SCARED TO EVEN TALK TO PRETTIES! XYM? PULL? OH, YOU DON'T HALF LIVE IN A FANTASY WORLD DON'T'CHA!
