As of someone gently fapping...

...fapping in my chamber pot!

Now, whilst engaged in inebriated discourse down The WhatACunt on Sat, I was asked if I could do any job, what would it be.

Why, a return to treading the boards, luvvie! Xym, fantasic lead actor, sublime director of diverse theatricalies of drama, farce and pantomime, eloquent orator of a poetical nature!

"Why Xym!", Quoth The Jo, "Your eyes veritable twinkled there! I haven't seen your eyes shine so bright since Xxxxx walked in!. You should definately take it up again!¹"

Ah, but I ended up in IT. No return to the adoring applause for Xym, now. Why, I can hardly recite my rhyming froggery! I can still belt out a fabuloso Jabberwocky, but Alfred Noyes "The Highwayman", basic of Fleetwood Mac/Stevie Knickers poptastic video hit "Everywhere"? All I can recall is "And the Highwayman came riding, riding. The highwayman came riding, up to the old inn door" (and I won an award for my recital of that!).

Of course, there is always my Party Piece - a full recital of The Raven. Ah...

Once upon a midnight dreary,
While I pondered, weak and weary,

O'er many a quaint and curious volume of forgotten lore
As I nodded, nearly napping...
Suddenly there came a tapping!
As of someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door!
"'tis some Visitor", I muttered, "tapping at my chamber door.
This it is, and nothing more"

Ah, distinctly I remember,
It was in the bleak December
And each seperate dying ember wrought it's ghost upon the floor
Eagerly I wished the morrow,Vainly I had sought to borrow from my books a surcease of sorrow.
Sorrow for the lost Lenore
For that fair and radiant Maiden whom the Angels name Lenore
Nameless here for evermore

And the silken, sad, uncertain

rustling of each purple curtain
Thrilled me - filled me with fantastic terrors never felt before
So that now, to still the beating of my heart, I stood repeating
tum ti tum ti tummy eating?
Bugger it, I forget the rest! It IS 26 years since I last performed it live though!

"Ooooh, Xym! You should get up and perform that at me wedding!"

Ah, The Xym thinks not! But, I has been somewhat inspired to revisit impressive oratory. So, the blogs may be a bit light for a while, as I now aim to Better Myself, by reaquainting oneself with classical literature.

As I recall, The Highwayman is piss-long, and goes on for about a million years. So. I already have Jabberwocky in my repertoire, so next I shall re-memorize The Raven, and later The Highwayman. Finally, I may even have a bash at Pork Winchester Beowulf.

Then I can be hired out at parties! How about THAT then ladies! Hire out The Xym for an evening of intellectual Stimulation... dare I say, even Educational Xymulation!

*checks Amazon*

Ooooh! Complete Poe - £0.00 for Kindle! Right, I'll be downloading that later! Next time down The WhatACunt, in the Pleasure Gardens beyond the Covered Smoking Yard - one verbose orator, Performing for Pretties!

Well, maybe not next time - which is this Saturday. Think I need a bit longer to memorize it, let alone re-interpret cadence, rhythm, and dramatic import!

And purchasing a stuffed bird...

...oooh! Light Bulb moment! I have an idea for a performance... would require three peoples, rather than one though... Narrator, Destiny and Death/Raven (can't remember if Lenore actually appears, so may need a fourth, unless I make it part of the Death/Raven rôle)...

Nah, I think I can pull it off meself...

Ooo-err missus!

¹ OH GO ON... YOU KNOW YOU WANT TO...
   DEFINATELY TAKE IT UP AGAIN, XYM?
   NO WAY - ONE ANAL PROBE BY SPACE MONSTERS IS BAD ENOUGH!
   BA'DUM-TISH!
   I NEVER FAIL TO DISAPPONT ON THE LOWERING THE TONE FRONT.
   ALTHOUGH IF IT'S LOWERING FRONT'S WE'RE TALKING ABOUT, THAT'S A LOVELY NICE BLOUSE YOU HAVE ON... IS IT NEW?
   ETC... ETC...