Tiger, tiger, carving stripes,
In the follicle forest of Xym's hair-sides,
What has hairdresser's hand & eye,
Mapped in fearful Xymmetry?
Oh, no Xymmetry, apart from Sahara safari beastial markings! For no matching stripe, but instead the furry shell of the Leopard-tortoise!
See Xym in the bush, foraging as his follicles blend into beastly background as he hunts a fox!
Or somet'ing.
Anyhoo, new plumage is taken off to the soul-deadening atmosfear of ye Cherry Tree. Oh, ye singularity of staff slowly serving suppers of cider1 as the endless quiz of 40 questions in three hours drags on...
...but not last night! Oh no!
Firstly - previous winnings are missing! What? No record of our 8 pints of celebratory quaffage? I demands my drinklets! And lo, inebriation was provided.
And sit...
And sit...
And sit...
And sit...
And Ooooohhhh... new quiz format! Revamped from being Shit to... A Bit Less Shit But Still Shit! Here, take our participational pennies, and enroll us whilst we persuse Round #2's Images Of Pop Tarts.
What's that? We're the only team here so far? I know the misery of past drawn-out quizzes have alienated just about everyone until just 2 teams remain (with 1 or 2 random quizzing feasters each week), but just us three? Oooh - that means we win the Top Prize!
No, Mr Quizmeister - don't go and check. We win! Simples! Look, we've done Round #2, so we're in! No don't ask if Management will offer to refund our £1 entry fee - we wants our winnings!
And sit...
And sit...
And sit...
And sit...
And Ooooh, hello Quizmeister! Has anyone else turneded up then? No? Why, we all gets great big fat feck off meals then! Whey-hay! What's this? Our £1s back? Boo! For Shame!
Oh well, we'll quaff up and sod off then!
Ah, here's me taxi. Oh, goodbye Landlady? What's that? "Sorry about the quiz. But I've just been SACKED. Dunno if there'll be a quiz in a couple of weeks, who knows, I don't, I don't care, they just SACKED me!"
Oh dear. Oh Damn. Oh more false Xympathy... HA! Serves you right for drawing out the quiz to try and dehydrate everyone in order to squeeze more hard earned pennies out of their pockets and into your coffers in exchange for beverages you miserable old witch!
Oh dear. Oh dear, Oh dear. No more quizzes then. Ain't that a shame!
No more having to trek all the way out to Costessey on a bus to sit in silence for an hour, before other team members arrive, then have to scoff a feast whilst consuming free beer, then the awful, soul-destroying slowness of the quiz that seems to last a million years (instead of just 3 hours) before the long taxi back and realising you've missed Derren Brown's Svengali and the finalé of Hell's Kitchen...
...still, at least my Tuesdays are now free again for the Bad DVD nite, and I have a Killer Cock movie...
...and yes, I mean Killer Cock as in non-Chicken cock. A murderous manhood. A detatched dongler. A self-aware, slaughterous schlong separated from the body and on the prowl.
Where the fuck do you find this Shite, Xym?
This one I picked up in Poundland!
Yes, family favourite Poundland are selling a DVD about a disembodied psychotic todger on a murderous rampage!
I wonder if they still sell Poundland Porn...
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| Yes... that's a man choking on another man's cock... |
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| Hold on... weren't them kids looking for One Eyed Willie in The Goonies? The Fratellis? The Pæedo Tellies more like! "Come 'ere kids! I want some of yer booty, now show us your hidden One Eyed Willie..." |
1OTHER BEVERAGES ARE AVAILABLE.
