As ever, we came fourth in the final, last ever quiz (which may end in a month or three). However, it has been an evening of much oriental mirth.
The Fu Manchu moustchios!
The audio accompanyment to pop hits not only in "club singer" style, but also in new improved stereotypical chinafolk "Crub singer" style! Fu Xym Chu performs top ten tasteless tracks...
...although I'm not sure which is more tasteless. Xym being all flied lice and pwarnee clackers in musical styree, or the Quizmaster playing a triplicity of Glittery goodness, such as, Papa Oooh Mau-mau1, Doing Alright With The Boys2 and Hello Hello I'm Back Again3.
Anyhoo, more orientalism, as a quick stop for some Duck Fried Rice and Spring Roll's to curb my anxiety attack of potential job loss this week.
So, as I sit here, stuffing me great fat face full of Daffy4, that "tomorrows headlines in the paper" feature is on the tellybox.
Apparently, unlike Bernard Nolan, Murray Walker overcame his F1 cancer and for the first time in 77 years, won the coveted Womble's Bum. Or was it the first time since 1977 a Womble was on the telly, let alone it's bum. Although it's bum probably wasn't left alone - I'll leave that one for Operation Eeeeew Tree.
And Murray won on the 7th day of the 7th month too! And with that "77" yeary thing floating about, it makes him either an Antichrist or a Messiah. Or a mechanic on a Marussia when he's not commentating. or something.
Point is, these headlines were claiming that Murray's fans are demanding he's given a gong!
Presumably so he can strip down to a loincloth, and give it a good Rank bashing to get the chinese to serve up his meal of things that the everyday folk left behind that the savvy chef's gathered up and bunged in the pot noodle.
Gongs my arse! I think they mean "awards". However, I've noted that a lot of people on the tellybox say "And such-and-such a twat is up for a gong at the Shits" or "That actor (who's female but we can't call an actress because it's politically incorrect) is up for a gong for their performance of Miss Congeniality 3: Pimarché (where ♥Sandra Bollock♥ plays an undercover cop who detects dodgy dealings, this time in tight leggings showing off her swipe card reader to full effect)".
NO!
A gong is not an award. The term comes from them talent shows in the Black & Whites (60s?) when instead of Simon Cowell whacking Danni Minogues button for a big fat X, they banged a gong to stop the act coz it was SHIT.
So, you get a gong for being UTTER SHITE! And now, these so-called "celebs" are eager to get their mitts on a gong! And now, someone's fans are demanding that some scotchman who whacks his balls over a fence at Womble's Bum has to get a gong for winning? Surely you have to be good to be a winner, so deserves an award?
Honestly, these young folk today, and their dissin'!
"Yeah, he won Womble Bum - but I'd've rang that gong in round #1 and stopped the match, coz he's shit. I don't care about his number one seed... unless he spills it me strawberries, then the missus can have his cream."
Gongs my best hat!
1 HEY JEFF - TELL 'EM T'JOKE ABOUT MAU-MAU. PINEAPPLES! UP THE ARSE! DEATH BY MAU-MAU! ON A SIMILAR NOTE, IN THIS CONTEXT, THIS SONG TITLE IS VIETNAMESE FOR "WHO'S THE DADDY? OOOH! TAKE IT UP THE ARSE, YOU UNDERAGE TOURIST SEXTRAP!". POSSIBLY.
2 VIETNAMESE BOYS, IN ALL LIKELYHOOD. AND DOING ALRIGHT... UNTIL HE GOT CAUGHT BY THE PÆDO POLICE!
3 BACK AGAIN IN VIETNAM ON THE PROWL FOR JAILBAIT. ALLEGEDLY.
4 DUCK, AS IN DAFFY DUCK. NOT DAPPY OUT OF N-DUBZ. ALTHOUGH I WOULDN'T MIND HAVING ME FACE FULL OF TULISA! THEM TWO LISA'S BEING LISA RODGERS AND ... UM... SOME OTHER FAMOUS LISA. THERE MUST BE ANOTHER... URGH - NOT LISA TARBUCK. NOR LEFT-EYE LOPEZ, COZ SHE'D BE A BIT WORMY BY NOW. LISA STANSFIELD... MAYBE? PLEASE SEND SUGGESTIONS FOR FAMOUS LISA'S XYM CAN'T REMEMBER THE SURNAMES OF WHO HE WOULDN'T MIND HAVING A FACE FULL OF TO XYM'S EMAIL. WITH PHOTOSHOPPED IMAGES OF NUDIE LISA'S. OR SOMETHING. OOOH - LISA KUDROW! LISA
