Only without Johnny Morris.
Monkey magic!1
There's been a furoré2 over Freddie! You know them there Go-Go Dancin' Gorilla's splattered all over Norwich? Well, we have a Radio Go-Go one all tarted up like Freddie Mercury out of Queen.
Well, The Mercury Phoenix Trust have only ordered it's removal, claiming it's a breach of copyright, despite the fact it looks nothing like Freddie Mercury out of Queen.
What The Actual Fuck? Who the hell had the prescience of forethought to copyright Freddie Mercury out of Queen all tarted up as a great fat hairy-arsed gorilla posing as a primate? He was a rampant fudgepacker for Heaven's saké - gorillas were notorious in the '70s for raping white explorer women3!
I'm pretty sure Batbloke, Iron Stark and Optical Pri-i-i-i-ime, Prime Mover are all copyrighted, and I note that no-one's moaning about them!
I could understand it if the Gorilla fell under some legitimate copyright complaint - eg The Mercury Phoenix Trust taking an issue with a Bird rising from it's own burnt ashes, all cast in liquid silvery metal, and looking like Freddie Mercury out of Queen. A Freddy Mercury out of Queen composed entirely from Mercury in an avian form - not unlike the T-1000 in Terminator 2: Judgement Day. Or, more aptly, Terminator 2: Fudgement Day. or something.
Although they'd probably be sued by James Cameroon for copyright infringement of his liquidescent assassin. But how brilliant would T2 have been with a Freddie Mercury out of Queen Terminator?!
♪ Fred!
* sudden extention of cyber arms becoming blades and stabbing John Connor's stepdad. SCHDUNK! *
Ah-aaaarrrggh!
Saviour of Skynet's Overthow Of Mankind! ♫
Anyhoo, whilst Brian May is taking time off from the Badger Parade to give the Trust a damn good telling off, I thought of something that wouldn't have caused half as much charitable outrage.
The Glitter Gorilla!
Inspired by the Pop Quiz's round containing a triplicity of Glitter tracks I haven't heard in years, it'd've been better to have a Silverback all in silver! All sparkly platform boots and preposterously huge sequinned shoulderpads! A lovely bit of 70s nostalgic glam! Who can complain about that?
...probably from an Alabama tick that dug itself in. Once that didn't have time to bleed, hence the lack of blood oozing out of his wangy chin. Jessie "The Body" Ventura? Jessie "Freaky Chin" Ventura more like!
But back on topic - Leader Of The Monkey Gang Glitter Gorilla! Who could possibly have an issue with that!
In fact - get rid of all the copyrighted images - Batman, Iron Man, Optimus Prime, etc, and replace 'em with a slew of seventies stars! Glitter Gorilla, Saville Silverback, Travis Trachypithecus, Rolf Rhesus Macaque, Clifford colobus, etc.
Freddie Starr, not Freddie Mercury!
Can't see how anyone can moan about that lot. It's not like I'm asking for a tasteless Fred West Murders In The Rue Cromwell ape, now is it!
1 ♪ BORN FROM AN EGG ON A MOUNTAIN TOP
THE PUNKIEST MONKEY THAT EVER POPPED
HE KNEW EVERY MAGIC TRICK UNDER THE SUN
TO TEASE THE GODS
AND EVERYONE AND HAVE SOME FUN
MONKEY MAGIC!
WHAT A COCKY SAUCY MONKEY THIS ONE IS
ALL THE GODS WERE ANGERED
AND THEY PUNISHED HIM
UNTIL HE WAS SAVED BY A KINDLY PRIEST
AND THAT WAS THE START
OF THEIR PILGRIMAGE WEST
MONKEY MAGIC!
WITH A LITTLE BIT OF MONKEY MAGIC
THERE'LL BE FIREWORKS TONIGHT
WITH A LITTLE BIT OF MONKEY MAGIC
EVERY THING WILL BE ALL RIGHT
BORN FROM AN EGG ON A MOUNTAIN TOPTHE PUNKIEST MONKEY THAT EVER POPPED
HE KNEW EVERY MAGIC TRICK UNDER THE SUN
TO TEASE THE GODS
AND EVERYONE AND HAVE SOME FUN
MONKEY MAGIC! ♫
2 ♪ FURORÉ! WOE-OH!
VOLARÉ! WOE-O-O-O-OH!
YOUR STEW HAS COME FOM A TIN
YOUR LOVE HAS GIVEN ME WIND ♫
3 ALTHOUGH THAT MAY HAVE BEEN AN EXCUSE FOR THE MENFOLK TO GO OFF EXPLORING IN THEIR PISS-HELMETS, TAKING TIFFIN WITH THE SAVAGE BRONZED BARE-BREASTED AMAZONIAN WARRIORESSES!
"I SAY, MY HUSBAND, MAY I BE SO BOLD AS TO PARTAKE OF A PLACE IN YOUR EXPEDITION? I KNOW I AM ONLY A WEAK WOMAN, BUT I YEARN TO SEE THE BEAUTY OF FOREIGN CITIES"
"WHAT? CEASE THY MUTTERINGS WOMAN! WHY, THE JUNGLES OF AFRICA ARE RIPE WITH SAVAGE BEASTS READY TO PENETRATE YOU WITH THEIR PREHENSILE PRIMATE PENISES. DO YOU WANT YOUR GASH INVADED BY A GORILLA'S GIRTH AGAINST YOUR WILL? I SHALL NOT HAVE MY WIFE'S VADGE VIOLATED BY A MONKEY!"
"OH MY! I DO DECLARE SUCH TALK HAS GIVEN ME THE VAPOURS! DO EXCUSE ME WHILST I GO FOR A LIE-DOWN AND FLICK ONE'S BEAN TO THE FANTASY OF MONKEY MONSTER-COCK INVASIONARY RAVISHMENT!"
"I SAY, STEADY ON THERE!"
"YES! TAKE ME TO YOUR PRIMATE MATING NEST, AND DESPOIL ME IN A MOST WANTON FASHION! OOOH OOOH OOOH... OOOOK! OOOK!"
"ALAS, DOCTOR LIVINGSTONE, I BELIEVE YOU HAVE LOST YOUR WIFE TO THEM DAMNÉD JUNGLE BEASTS. ONCE SHE'S HAD SILVERBACK, SHE'LL NEVER GO BACK!"
