Well, I watched this film over weekend.
It was called Tekken. Apparently, it was supposed to be all about Liam Neeson poncing about at the King of Iron Fist Tournament, all kung-fu like and going into "rage mode" and stuff.
Anyhoo, it was all rather convenient.
Liam Neeson doesn't want his daughter to go to the Iron Fist Tournament in case she gets sex trafficked. Mainly because he just happens to be an ex-Undercovery type agent who used to bust these types. But, ex-wife bats an eyelid and he relents. As you do. So, daughter goes off to watch U2 open each tournament.
Conveniently, the very first person she meets off the train is a spotter for the sex traffickers.
Ermagherd! She's been targeted! How convenient then, that she's on the phone to Daddy on the opposite side of the building to see her mate being kidnapped, so she can tell him she's about to get nabbed!
It's handy that the ex-wife married a wealthy business bloke, so he could use their Private Jet to get to Paris immediately then!
Handy - he goes to the girls apartment, and finds her phone smashed... with the SIM card handily undamaged. Phew - good job she got that nasty man to take her picture so he was reflected in the bus stop so Daddy could identify him!
Oh damn, Peter the perve has been hit by a lorry and ended up all deaded! What's dad to do now?
Coincidentally, one of his mates from The Old Days has a job as an intelligence officer, who handily directs him to some prozzies... who's pimp just so happens to be one of the sex-traffiing ring! One bug on the lapel... and by chance the pimp blurts out the location of the held girls!
Phew!
Sneaky sneaky - blag passage into brothel, and what a surprise - there's a drugged up abductee with his daughter's jacket! What are the chances of that, eh! Luckily, all the bad guys are crap shots and bad drivers, so Qui-Gin can easily carry her out whilst killing off bad guys and running them off the roads!
As luck would have it, the drugs wear off very quickly, and the woman remembers precisely where her daughter was being held.
So, posing as a policeman, he blags his way into the house. Duff, duff, duff up he goes, as the crap thugs fail to fight back or shoot. So, he's left with the ringleader. Tie him up and search the house - no daughter. Oh noes - her friends all drugged and raped to death! Torture the ringleader - time's running out!
Damn, Me Neeson is lucky! Somehow, the bad guys found out she's a virgin, so she's worth more and been sent off for auction! Phew - good job them Albanian rapers don't like virginflesh, innit! And hold on, this auctioneer... what a stroke of luck! He's been giving backhanders to Liam's old mucker! Handy that!
So, back to his old friend's pad to give him a duffing up and get the address of the Mishima Zaibatsu Corporation auction.
Run, Liam, Run!
Phew - would you Adam And Eve it! He arrives just in time to see the last woman come up for auction - and it's his daughter! What a stroke of luck!
Oh noes - he's bopped on the bonce by a bouncer, and handcuffed to a pipe! His daughter's now lost, and about to be shagged by a sheikh!
Lucky that welded rivet is loose, otherwise that pipe would never come free, allowing him to fire steam into a bad guys eye, slide off the pipe, duff up the other bad guys, get the keys, un-handcuff himself and give the auctioneer a deadening.
Amazing - exits just in time to see his daughter dumped in a taxi! Good job Liam can run and keep pace with the speeding vehicle to the docks!
Oh noes - he's just a minute too late! Thhey've put her on a cruise ship, and it's heading towards the bridge!
Good jobs there's no cops about to stop Liam driving the wrong way through the streets and abandoning the car in the middle of a junction! And just in time to leap from the bridge onto the ship too - a huge drop with no injury (well, apart from the sprained ankle, which disappears once he's hobbled downstairs).
And lo-and-behold, he manages to save his daughter mere seconds before arabic cock invaded his precious princess.
So, if you're ever abducted into the sex-trade for the depraved desired of Egyptian magnates, fear not. For a plethora of handy instances will endure your rescue in the nick of time!
Apparently, there's a Tekken 2 too. So presumably his daughter didn't learn her lesson the first time.
Typical spoilt brat!
