They say 'You never know what you have until it's gone'.
Well, that's a pile of rancid arse, coz one of my DVDs is gone. And I know damn well I had it.
Then there's them as says "Ah, but it's You'll never know how much you miss it when it's gone!"
Which makes me wonder about STDs - do people really miss Herpes once it's cleared up?
Which reminds me - there's (yet another!) ad on the viewbox about how you can't tell who's got an STD so you have to wear a lovesheath. Bollocks - them STD carriers are dead easy to spot!
If they've got Chlamydia, it's emblazoned on their blazer! And not just any old blazer - it's one of them 'punting on the Cam' type blazers. And as for Gonnoreah - well, if you miss it on her necklace, when you get down to her jeans it's on the belt! And is THAT wasn't clear enough - it's writ large on the pants!
And how come STDs are so difficult to spell? Why can't it be something easy like Nob-rash or Scalyminge. I dunno - there's all these new fangled terms flying about. It's so embarassing to be working in IT these days, for IT is modern parlance for a ladies Itchy Tw.. well, you get the picture!
Then there's them wot suffer from IBS, or Itchy Bum Syndrome. Apparently though, that's too chavvy, so classy birds call it Irritable Bowel Syndrome - I mean, honestly! How can a bowel be irritable? Do these ladies have Mildrewesque emissions bursting forth from their Colon?
Bowel: "I don't belieeeeeeve it! Rake your crack with your long nails! Why can't you use Triple Velvet or a puppy?"
Mood: Irritated
Gaaaah - ant based pewters in yer bot! Ant's in yer pants (sigh many a lonely lady during a Saturday Night Takeaway).
